I have been inactive online for quite some time and that is because i am enjoying to my heart's content my 2 weeks holiday before i start work again this monday. Read the girl's blog and somehow it seems to me that she is facing another problem. Girl, i'm sure that you have noticed this yourself but it seems that you always happen to be at the extreme ends of this relationship. either you're always too happy and cheerful to the point that you would probably marry him or too distracted and frustrated to the point of cutting him off from your life forever.
Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must prepared for changes. Girl, this whole thing is taking a toll on you and perhaps it is really time to put a stop to it before it gets you deeper and then you will feel even more lost than usual. and because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. and you will need to take the first step to make a change so that you could move on with your life.
You will be surprise with how much human can adapt to the changes in the surrounding with the help of time. it's a habit to have the boy around you, its not lonely with the boy around you and you have adapted to it because the boy is around you. WAIT! stop and think, you did have your share of fun now, but you also had your share of laughter in the past when that boy was not around.
Managing a relationship is not easy but it's not supposed to be that tough too. I know you're feeling guilty and all, and all along you are aware of that but at the same time, you are trying to shove that thought deep down somewhere in your memory each time you are with the boy, with every assurance he can give you. but you know, at the end of the day, that boy, whom you have given everything to him, did not choose definitely to be with you.
Women as we are, are easily fooled by sweet words, empty promises, obvious lies and irresistible body gestures. One word can ease your doubts, one promises can give you happiness that would last for a lifetime and one hug could sweep away all your saddness. However, if those are not true, the setback will be harder to bear. and women as we are, we always accept it and hope that time would heal those wounds. That is very silly.
Fairytales does not exist but happiness is something we fight to achieve. The definition defers from individuals so Girl, know what makes you happy the most. not those sweet moments of pretend from that boy but the genuine moments of happiness where you could really feel that he cares. Trust me, you deserve better than this. have a little more faith in yourself.
Love is a smoke made with fume of sighs. it can be magical at times, but magic itself is an illusion.
Know what's best for yourself. Be not afriad to try and fail. Be afriad of failing to try :)
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Dance In The Rain
Babe, seems like everything is doing good now between you and the boy and you don't wanna jinx it by talking about it, so i will do so too :) all the best but you do know it's going to be a rocky relationship. in which ever way, persevere k >.<
Having more time in hand makes me wanna do more things. i have the urge to take up jap lessons, so anyone interested in joining me? i also have the urge to do archery. not too sure why. but the possibility of me being influenced by mangas and animes for that is absolutely high. you know cool those characters play the archery. omg. they look so man can....omg. why didnt i do archery in the past. argh, nevermind :) at least i did rock climbing before. cheers.
Just packed my room today and i found a ring that pilot gave to me long ago. somehow i started thinking back to those time we spent together. as usual, i really wonder how would it be like if i really were to get together with him. at the same time, i tried to recall why did i push him away back then. check up on facebook but it seems like he's not been active lately so the pictures are still the same as i last viewed several months back. you know how sometimes, it just got you thinking. i wonder if back then, if he would really persevered and stayed on, would i hand my heart to him fully? well, there's a possibility that may happen. afterall, he's courting me all the way back to when we were in secondary school. it has been 10 years since then. time flies.
you know how i used to ponder why would he be so insistent on our relationship. i'm always wondering if he really loves me for real and if it is really that case, how could he just left after all those that he had promised me. although we never really started, it is true that he indeed has given me his promises. where are they now? so talk is really cheap isn't it? i dont want to talk about him. i just feel so tired since it has always been the same old thing over and over again. and as i talked about pilot, woodblock would surface for some very strange reasons god knows why.
woodblock was my ideal man but he didnt have that feelings for me despite i thought he did. apparently i made a mistake but he was really thoughtful and thus sweet in his very own ways. all his little gestures can make me smile even now. it seems that what he did and what happened still remains so vivid and it was really funny when i think back. i regretted to taking the chance to ask at the night. he is still me ideal man though and after a long consideration, i have decided to use him as my benchmark later for any guys who happens to appear in my life.
after typing so much. i'm starting to miss woodblock a bit :)
Having more time in hand makes me wanna do more things. i have the urge to take up jap lessons, so anyone interested in joining me? i also have the urge to do archery. not too sure why. but the possibility of me being influenced by mangas and animes for that is absolutely high. you know cool those characters play the archery. omg. they look so man can....omg. why didnt i do archery in the past. argh, nevermind :) at least i did rock climbing before. cheers.
Just packed my room today and i found a ring that pilot gave to me long ago. somehow i started thinking back to those time we spent together. as usual, i really wonder how would it be like if i really were to get together with him. at the same time, i tried to recall why did i push him away back then. check up on facebook but it seems like he's not been active lately so the pictures are still the same as i last viewed several months back. you know how sometimes, it just got you thinking. i wonder if back then, if he would really persevered and stayed on, would i hand my heart to him fully? well, there's a possibility that may happen. afterall, he's courting me all the way back to when we were in secondary school. it has been 10 years since then. time flies.
you know how i used to ponder why would he be so insistent on our relationship. i'm always wondering if he really loves me for real and if it is really that case, how could he just left after all those that he had promised me. although we never really started, it is true that he indeed has given me his promises. where are they now? so talk is really cheap isn't it? i dont want to talk about him. i just feel so tired since it has always been the same old thing over and over again. and as i talked about pilot, woodblock would surface for some very strange reasons god knows why.
woodblock was my ideal man but he didnt have that feelings for me despite i thought he did. apparently i made a mistake but he was really thoughtful and thus sweet in his very own ways. all his little gestures can make me smile even now. it seems that what he did and what happened still remains so vivid and it was really funny when i think back. i regretted to taking the chance to ask at the night. he is still me ideal man though and after a long consideration, i have decided to use him as my benchmark later for any guys who happens to appear in my life.
after typing so much. i'm starting to miss woodblock a bit :)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Life Still Goes On
Read your blog and somehow it just got me thinking again. and as u can see, i may not be able to be there for you when u really do need me so here i am, once again, posting my thoughts so that it would be able to set u thinking like how your posts set mine :)
Babe, life is not always blissful like those u see in FAIRYTALES (it's not WaltDisney's fault) and sometimes we just have to learn how to deal with it. Experience is not what happens to a you but it is what you do with what happens to you that you gain those experiences. I know your shittiest moments of your life and you've been through that. Friends only happens to be in your way when you're falling and though we had our arguments and disagreements, you know deep down we will always be there to catch your fall :)
It's alright to make wrong decisions in life. Everyone does as long as it is not too sinful that it is irreversible. things still move on and life still goes on. Not everyone found their perfect love on first attempt and trust me enough, those "happily ever after" couples out there, they have been through their ups and downs in their relationship but the main difference between us and them is that they managed to get through and we didn't. But it's alright. that's part and parcel of our life and we learn and grow from it. It's really alright babe, don't be so hard on yourself :)
it's not wrong to want attention from the boy u loved so deeply. who doesn't? and i came upon this friend's fb status that says "don't believe him coming back saying that he misses you so badly and stuff, remember, he didnt' chooose you" and you know, this got me thinking again (although for a different reason) but somehow, that phrase is so true. i can't deny that. babe, did he really choose you over her?
I understand that she has formed a chapter in his life and that is not possible to erase it off. you knew that and you accept it all. you're childish; that's not new. everyone around you knows that. but think about it, if the both of you can't get through this ordeal, it just shows how much love both of you have put into this relationship. It is not a matter of who loves who more, because that can never be measured distinctively on a scale.
I told you before, you need to take caution when it comes to love and you said it yourself that no one is there to protect your own heart. i know it is not easy to be in a relationship with someone. it takes two person of two different personality to be together. try it out any math equation and you know there won't be any answers to that. It takes more than what you think to get this relationship going, dear. If you're childish, then you just have to be more mature. Believe me, i know how much you've matured from the day you left to Aussie till i saw you last November and i told you that its not enough but there's room for improvement. and true enough, maturity doesn't comes overnight but over the years. Babe, if you have already done you part in this relationship and nothing seems to work, life would be much easier to move on. don't worry, you didnt lose the game. don't let your pride gets in your way.
This whole shit thing is getting a toll on you. probably its telling you to start look at things from a different perspective. see things from different angle. Babe, i'm not there with you in Aussie so i can't tell if what the boy is doing is for real or not. you have to learn to judge them youself. you know how acute your sixth senses are so don't doubt them. look before you leap. that's your main weak point. you hand over your heart too soon. i don't want you to be like me, because at this point of my life, i simply just lose faith in love. i don't believe in that now and i have found other goals in my life to pursue for. but babe, you still have faith in them don't you? give it a last chance and determine for youself what's best. only you know what you want best and you know yourself better than anyone out there does.
trust yourself dear. believe in your inner voice. have faith in it. don't deny yourself anymore. take the first step to listen to what your heart has to say and stay with it till the end. at least you know you've tried and so you would have come to an easy term in accepting what ever outcome it may be. At this point, there really isn't a right or wrong answer.
follow your heart because only from your heart you get the most honest answer.
Babe, life is not always blissful like those u see in FAIRYTALES (it's not WaltDisney's fault) and sometimes we just have to learn how to deal with it. Experience is not what happens to a you but it is what you do with what happens to you that you gain those experiences. I know your shittiest moments of your life and you've been through that. Friends only happens to be in your way when you're falling and though we had our arguments and disagreements, you know deep down we will always be there to catch your fall :)
It's alright to make wrong decisions in life. Everyone does as long as it is not too sinful that it is irreversible. things still move on and life still goes on. Not everyone found their perfect love on first attempt and trust me enough, those "happily ever after" couples out there, they have been through their ups and downs in their relationship but the main difference between us and them is that they managed to get through and we didn't. But it's alright. that's part and parcel of our life and we learn and grow from it. It's really alright babe, don't be so hard on yourself :)
it's not wrong to want attention from the boy u loved so deeply. who doesn't? and i came upon this friend's fb status that says "don't believe him coming back saying that he misses you so badly and stuff, remember, he didnt' chooose you" and you know, this got me thinking again (although for a different reason) but somehow, that phrase is so true. i can't deny that. babe, did he really choose you over her?
I understand that she has formed a chapter in his life and that is not possible to erase it off. you knew that and you accept it all. you're childish; that's not new. everyone around you knows that. but think about it, if the both of you can't get through this ordeal, it just shows how much love both of you have put into this relationship. It is not a matter of who loves who more, because that can never be measured distinctively on a scale.
I told you before, you need to take caution when it comes to love and you said it yourself that no one is there to protect your own heart. i know it is not easy to be in a relationship with someone. it takes two person of two different personality to be together. try it out any math equation and you know there won't be any answers to that. It takes more than what you think to get this relationship going, dear. If you're childish, then you just have to be more mature. Believe me, i know how much you've matured from the day you left to Aussie till i saw you last November and i told you that its not enough but there's room for improvement. and true enough, maturity doesn't comes overnight but over the years. Babe, if you have already done you part in this relationship and nothing seems to work, life would be much easier to move on. don't worry, you didnt lose the game. don't let your pride gets in your way.
This whole shit thing is getting a toll on you. probably its telling you to start look at things from a different perspective. see things from different angle. Babe, i'm not there with you in Aussie so i can't tell if what the boy is doing is for real or not. you have to learn to judge them youself. you know how acute your sixth senses are so don't doubt them. look before you leap. that's your main weak point. you hand over your heart too soon. i don't want you to be like me, because at this point of my life, i simply just lose faith in love. i don't believe in that now and i have found other goals in my life to pursue for. but babe, you still have faith in them don't you? give it a last chance and determine for youself what's best. only you know what you want best and you know yourself better than anyone out there does.
trust yourself dear. believe in your inner voice. have faith in it. don't deny yourself anymore. take the first step to listen to what your heart has to say and stay with it till the end. at least you know you've tried and so you would have come to an easy term in accepting what ever outcome it may be. At this point, there really isn't a right or wrong answer.
follow your heart because only from your heart you get the most honest answer.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Whatever That Is Left
2 papers down and 2 more to go...omg, i'm dreading the days till my last paper and i really really wanna to just hurry up and get it over and done with! I HAD ENOUGH OF BOOKS....and guess what i just realised that i only read twilight until book 2....i wanna continue with my edward!!!! i'm comtemplating whether should i buy that book, but u know it's not very smart of me to invest in that coz it's damn ex. probably i'll just put that as one of my "wish list" to have to collect the 4 books. i really think that it's a great series...so any kind hearted souls out there is willing to buy the twilight series for me?!?!?!?!
anyway, back to question. so why am i here blogging when i have a paper on tuesday and another on thursday? the answer is simple. I'm sick of studying. argh, u know what JUST SCREW IT...but but but, i need my degree -.- alright, back to square one...i need to study.
and you know , it's not nice to last min hug the buddha leg because u don't know it if would work and most of the time the results will tell u that u're plain lucky to have SCRAPE through...i know and by the way, did i spell that correctly?! er, i hope i did. i have been making TOO MANY mistakes lately and i really really don't wanna make any more STUPID mistakes...
oh boy....this is giving me hell lot of stress and i need my massage and facial...and i want my FUN! play play play..ice skating with the girls again on the 31st!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!! and dun worry steffi, when you're back i'll make sure that i'll get ah foo and ah sim to go ice skating with us :) and i suddenly wanna go watch movie so steffi, pls hurry and come back so we could go out for movies soon!!!! i need to wait till november -.- u sure have the guts to make me wait so long...but what to do...i'm used to it already. what's worst than u not picking up your phone?! anyway, i seem to have this habit these days tooo...ah foo and ah sim is complaining about me not answering my phone..but u see, my phone is er....a bit tooo high tech so yea.... :) smiles.
and i think i'd better get back to my books....
it's calling out for me...
27th MAY. I'M WAITING. it would be the pivoting point!!!!!!
anyway, back to question. so why am i here blogging when i have a paper on tuesday and another on thursday? the answer is simple. I'm sick of studying. argh, u know what JUST SCREW IT...but but but, i need my degree -.- alright, back to square one...i need to study.
and you know , it's not nice to last min hug the buddha leg because u don't know it if would work and most of the time the results will tell u that u're plain lucky to have SCRAPE through...i know and by the way, did i spell that correctly?! er, i hope i did. i have been making TOO MANY mistakes lately and i really really don't wanna make any more STUPID mistakes...
oh boy....this is giving me hell lot of stress and i need my massage and facial...and i want my FUN! play play play..ice skating with the girls again on the 31st!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!! and dun worry steffi, when you're back i'll make sure that i'll get ah foo and ah sim to go ice skating with us :) and i suddenly wanna go watch movie so steffi, pls hurry and come back so we could go out for movies soon!!!! i need to wait till november -.- u sure have the guts to make me wait so long...but what to do...i'm used to it already. what's worst than u not picking up your phone?! anyway, i seem to have this habit these days tooo...ah foo and ah sim is complaining about me not answering my phone..but u see, my phone is er....a bit tooo high tech so yea.... :) smiles.
and i think i'd better get back to my books....
it's calling out for me...
27th MAY. I'M WAITING. it would be the pivoting point!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My Disappointment
i just took my first paper today and i am utterly disappointed with myself. i knew i could do better and to be even more prepared than this for i have all the time i needed but in the end, i went in to the exam hall with a half-assed attitude and attempt the paper just like that.
ellena, samantha and shermaine, they all seemed to be so well-prepared and they know their answers well. that's depressing. we all started studying at the same time and here i am procrastinating half the time and did nothing efficient and now here i am again, worried if i would get through with this. and if dont, i know i have myself to blame. i had the time in the world to study, but what was i doing? i have no idea. i thought i already studied hard enough, but it seems like i didnt do it the right way. i was distracted. so many times. and now, i'm facing the music.
lyou know, at this point, i really really hated myself for this. i really really do. it's not like i'm disappointed because i can't get a distinction or something. i am disappointed because if i fail, this paper, i deserve it. and you know what, i have another 3 more papers coming up and i'm really really depressed to think that i have so much to cover. just kill me for real now.
i'm having a massive headache because of my mensus and i cant seem to have mood for anything. i dun feel like doing anything but studying now. really i do. i'm lazy to eat as well. why am i like this? i have no idea what happened to me. all i know is, i hate the "me" now.
ellena, samantha and shermaine, they all seemed to be so well-prepared and they know their answers well. that's depressing. we all started studying at the same time and here i am procrastinating half the time and did nothing efficient and now here i am again, worried if i would get through with this. and if dont, i know i have myself to blame. i had the time in the world to study, but what was i doing? i have no idea. i thought i already studied hard enough, but it seems like i didnt do it the right way. i was distracted. so many times. and now, i'm facing the music.
lyou know, at this point, i really really hated myself for this. i really really do. it's not like i'm disappointed because i can't get a distinction or something. i am disappointed because if i fail, this paper, i deserve it. and you know what, i have another 3 more papers coming up and i'm really really depressed to think that i have so much to cover. just kill me for real now.
i'm having a massive headache because of my mensus and i cant seem to have mood for anything. i dun feel like doing anything but studying now. really i do. i'm lazy to eat as well. why am i like this? i have no idea what happened to me. all i know is, i hate the "me" now.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Seconds Ticking By
going into the last week of my preparations for my coming exams and to be honest, i really have no idea how much i've studied but i'm just going to keep giving my all and pray for the best. recently, i have just gotten a letter from my school to notify me of my attachment and i'm gald that i'm going to be attached to earnst and young :) but first i've got to pass the interview first. omg, whoever's up there, pls watch over me >.<
after a crazy month in april, things are slowly setting in and i'm starting to get settled down. back to the way i was before. back to the life i used to have. things are going as i how i foresaw it would be. and maybe because i predicted most of what happened, i'm able to deal with it much better. of coz, there is a part of it that without you guys whom i cannot do without. my friends. and so once i again i realised how important a role friend's play. they just manage to withstand all your nonsense. i mean, my nonsense. all my insecuritites and uneasiness, they can just sweep it off me. and for this, i'm once again not afriad of being alone.
and this new friend that i've made a few weeks back, he's from my current school and we had a couple of similiar modules. he's always curious about what's my opinion and he asked to share some part of my life with him. funny guy isn't he? but knowing me, once i start talking about bowling, about my life, the pilot and my other friends, i just get so carried away. and he just listens, laughs and just like me, he also cannot stop talking. and that's how we digress and didn't study much. oh boy.
talking to him made me realised some things that i have forgotten about in my life and with that, i have decided a few things that i have to do. i'm glad i've found them back. this is a new era. a new generation. and i know there will be more changes to come. i will stick it through. and some how, recently, woodblock just came into my mind :)
and when thinking about woodblock, there's always a smile across my face. i wonder why. it's always after all the ups and downs, then i'll think about woodblock. all the funny things woodblock would do which still stays so vivid in my mind. unlike the others, i forget them easily and even i could recall, it's only bits and pieces of it. for woodblock, everything stays so clear. i hate to say this, but i'm missing him a bit here. lol. of course, as a friend :) he never fails to humour me in the most unexpected way. hahaha. omg, i feel so old once again. i wish i could turn back the hands of time to those moments when i was with woodblock and probably he was the first person i could be with with an ease in mind. i dont talk about him to others. only you know. i should stick to my own belief. *smiles*
alright, better head off to study. when it rains, i just think about woodblock. what a gentle guy he is.
after a crazy month in april, things are slowly setting in and i'm starting to get settled down. back to the way i was before. back to the life i used to have. things are going as i how i foresaw it would be. and maybe because i predicted most of what happened, i'm able to deal with it much better. of coz, there is a part of it that without you guys whom i cannot do without. my friends. and so once i again i realised how important a role friend's play. they just manage to withstand all your nonsense. i mean, my nonsense. all my insecuritites and uneasiness, they can just sweep it off me. and for this, i'm once again not afriad of being alone.
and this new friend that i've made a few weeks back, he's from my current school and we had a couple of similiar modules. he's always curious about what's my opinion and he asked to share some part of my life with him. funny guy isn't he? but knowing me, once i start talking about bowling, about my life, the pilot and my other friends, i just get so carried away. and he just listens, laughs and just like me, he also cannot stop talking. and that's how we digress and didn't study much. oh boy.
talking to him made me realised some things that i have forgotten about in my life and with that, i have decided a few things that i have to do. i'm glad i've found them back. this is a new era. a new generation. and i know there will be more changes to come. i will stick it through. and some how, recently, woodblock just came into my mind :)
and when thinking about woodblock, there's always a smile across my face. i wonder why. it's always after all the ups and downs, then i'll think about woodblock. all the funny things woodblock would do which still stays so vivid in my mind. unlike the others, i forget them easily and even i could recall, it's only bits and pieces of it. for woodblock, everything stays so clear. i hate to say this, but i'm missing him a bit here. lol. of course, as a friend :) he never fails to humour me in the most unexpected way. hahaha. omg, i feel so old once again. i wish i could turn back the hands of time to those moments when i was with woodblock and probably he was the first person i could be with with an ease in mind. i dont talk about him to others. only you know. i should stick to my own belief. *smiles*
alright, better head off to study. when it rains, i just think about woodblock. what a gentle guy he is.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Fairytale
Distraction, is probably something i would need right now. i want to distract myself from distraction. just like the "pink elephant theory". well, it just shows that i really did learn something from my coaches afterall. as well as the "donkey theory".
I am really progressing at an excruciatingly slow pace for my revision for exams. i wonder why. sometimes, people can be so contradicting and i think that is what makes us, human. something so interesting. did a little of self assessment and pull out my strengths and weaknesses. and i just know how much it hurts sometimes, to know the truth. i have long learnt to accept it.
made a mistake. stumbled upon my fall. all is my bad. i know. i don't need anyone to tell me. there is no need to at the first place. since i already knew i was at fault too. just when i really needed someone to be there, friends never fail to leave my side. i appreciate it. though they may not know what happened, and i really don't want to talk about it all over again, nevertheless, they are always there for me. to cushion my fall. i have nothing to say.
on the spur of moment, i tried to do something and i hope i wasn't too late. the good thing is there are very little promises so the back fire is manageable. the bad thing is to fix what has been broken. that said, there's nothing to worry about. i know i'll ride it out eventually. because that is what makes me who i am.
it's hard to sleep at night. but a little wine would do the job. it's healthy and it serves it purpose. i need to steer my direction and my attention to my books. at times like this, time really seems so slow. ticking by seconds and every passing minutes, it's a dread. music would be my accompanion now. i wish i had attended guitar courses. random.
i want to sleep.
need to study tomorrow.
i need my rest too.
I am really progressing at an excruciatingly slow pace for my revision for exams. i wonder why. sometimes, people can be so contradicting and i think that is what makes us, human. something so interesting. did a little of self assessment and pull out my strengths and weaknesses. and i just know how much it hurts sometimes, to know the truth. i have long learnt to accept it.
made a mistake. stumbled upon my fall. all is my bad. i know. i don't need anyone to tell me. there is no need to at the first place. since i already knew i was at fault too. just when i really needed someone to be there, friends never fail to leave my side. i appreciate it. though they may not know what happened, and i really don't want to talk about it all over again, nevertheless, they are always there for me. to cushion my fall. i have nothing to say.
on the spur of moment, i tried to do something and i hope i wasn't too late. the good thing is there are very little promises so the back fire is manageable. the bad thing is to fix what has been broken. that said, there's nothing to worry about. i know i'll ride it out eventually. because that is what makes me who i am.
it's hard to sleep at night. but a little wine would do the job. it's healthy and it serves it purpose. i need to steer my direction and my attention to my books. at times like this, time really seems so slow. ticking by seconds and every passing minutes, it's a dread. music would be my accompanion now. i wish i had attended guitar courses. random.
i want to sleep.
need to study tomorrow.
i need my rest too.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Where The Sun Don't Shine
Jokes. somehow will lighten up your mood and make you smile and laugh from the bottom of your heart. i had a taste of it today with 2 amazingly comical study mates. they synchronise quite well with each other and, that is really surprising because they only met each other today for the first time. what a good rapport they have :)
That said, we were counting down to the number of days we have left till we have to sit for our first paper. Sad to say, the figures aren't very encouraging at the moment. stressed. and that's probably the reason to my frequent headaches these days. headaches make me feel sleepy even more.
Monday. is a day i would look forward to cause i will be having an awesome facial session with a not very awesome >.< but amusing buddy. I really can't wait to finish my exams and go on a short trip with the 2 girls. it was supposed to be last year, but we were too busy with our own things so this time round, we have make our dream come true. if possible, i would love to have steffi to join us since we will have even more fun.
i'm tired.
just blogging for the sake of blogging.
That said, we were counting down to the number of days we have left till we have to sit for our first paper. Sad to say, the figures aren't very encouraging at the moment. stressed. and that's probably the reason to my frequent headaches these days. headaches make me feel sleepy even more.
Monday. is a day i would look forward to cause i will be having an awesome facial session with a not very awesome >.< but amusing buddy. I really can't wait to finish my exams and go on a short trip with the 2 girls. it was supposed to be last year, but we were too busy with our own things so this time round, we have make our dream come true. if possible, i would love to have steffi to join us since we will have even more fun.
i'm tired.
just blogging for the sake of blogging.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Er....
Here i am, awake at such an unearthly hour; 5.38am on a Sunday morning. that said, i am feeling sleepy all of a sudden. i'll probably just crawl back to bed and have another good night rest.
my exams, in another 3 weeks time and still counting down. i am really freaking out but i just don't have the time to blog. i'm hardly on facebook and i missed my animes too. sigh. i want to study hard and score well for exams. i really want but i really don't know if i really did study every god damn thing that i need to study.
i feel so guilty spending my time here blogging and nua-ing some where in the house. it feels like i have simply wasted my precious time.
come on. just 3 weeks. focus.
my exams, in another 3 weeks time and still counting down. i am really freaking out but i just don't have the time to blog. i'm hardly on facebook and i missed my animes too. sigh. i want to study hard and score well for exams. i really want but i really don't know if i really did study every god damn thing that i need to study.
i feel so guilty spending my time here blogging and nua-ing some where in the house. it feels like i have simply wasted my precious time.
come on. just 3 weeks. focus.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Letter
Dear Girl,
I have no idea what had happened in Aussie with that boy, but i hope that you would be alright and everything will be fine. I will and I am looking forward to seeing you again when you comes back in November, and we will have all our fun :) This I promise to you! Ice Skating, Wild Wild Wet and maybe Universal Studio and whatever crazy things we both can do together. So for now, don't be sad.
I know it is gonna be hard, but that's there is to it. You have already been through the worst, so what is all this now?! No worries, you will get over this and be all yourself again. That cheerful and funny girl whom I have always known. Be happy. You deserve that much for yourself, girl. You had enough. It is time.
It is inevitable that you would be heart broken and all your scars would be open up. I also know that you will not be the kind of girl who would do whatever it takes to grab that boy by force. Because everything is just going to be temporary and since you have been in that other person's shoes before, you knew even better, how much it hurts for all parties.
Deep down, somewhere in your heart, I believed that you already knew right from the start that this whole thing ain't gonna work out rght. There will be temptation and that boy, is the main distraction of all. He would make you reconsider your decisions and will do anything to keep you by his side, at least for now. But,when he does all this, you too, know that when the time comes, he would gently put you aside and return back to where she is and coax her the way he did to you.
It's normal to feel jealous since we are all human. We have emotions and feelings. Girl, something we learnt from bowling; emotions control motion. So Girl, if you can control you emotions better, you would be able to make better decisions and do the things that you THINK it is right. Knowing you, would have considered her feelings into the equation and come out with the answer. It's alright.
Time. The best medicine ever for your broken heart. Girl, don't rush to heal your wound. It really takes time to get use to being alone again, doing the things that you used to do before the boy steps in. Life is going to feel boring once again, but at the same time, you would discover so many other things that you've once never thought of it before.
I don't have a recipe for your broken heart. I don't have any magic spells to help you forget your memories. Neither do I have any medicine to make things any better for you. The only thing I can give is advice and support. It is all up to you on how you want to end things with the boy. It is the path that you choose.
Seriously, if things cannot be the way you want it to be, then being friends would always be a better option. If you were to ask me, I would rather not be friends at all. Since you have been hurt, there is no point in staying around him and remind you of all the things you try not to remember. It is difficult to put up a facade to be friends and pretent that nothing happened and continue to smile. If you ask me, I can't do that. We are human Girl, there is no way you could ever do that in an instant. If it's over a long long time, then that makes perfect sense. But not now.
Be strong. Smile. Stay happy. Take care and be confident.
It is always better to walk away with grace.
The least you could salvage is your pride and dignity.
Regards,
Loves :)
I have no idea what had happened in Aussie with that boy, but i hope that you would be alright and everything will be fine. I will and I am looking forward to seeing you again when you comes back in November, and we will have all our fun :) This I promise to you! Ice Skating, Wild Wild Wet and maybe Universal Studio and whatever crazy things we both can do together. So for now, don't be sad.
I know it is gonna be hard, but that's there is to it. You have already been through the worst, so what is all this now?! No worries, you will get over this and be all yourself again. That cheerful and funny girl whom I have always known. Be happy. You deserve that much for yourself, girl. You had enough. It is time.
It is inevitable that you would be heart broken and all your scars would be open up. I also know that you will not be the kind of girl who would do whatever it takes to grab that boy by force. Because everything is just going to be temporary and since you have been in that other person's shoes before, you knew even better, how much it hurts for all parties.
Deep down, somewhere in your heart, I believed that you already knew right from the start that this whole thing ain't gonna work out rght. There will be temptation and that boy, is the main distraction of all. He would make you reconsider your decisions and will do anything to keep you by his side, at least for now. But,when he does all this, you too, know that when the time comes, he would gently put you aside and return back to where she is and coax her the way he did to you.
It's normal to feel jealous since we are all human. We have emotions and feelings. Girl, something we learnt from bowling; emotions control motion. So Girl, if you can control you emotions better, you would be able to make better decisions and do the things that you THINK it is right. Knowing you, would have considered her feelings into the equation and come out with the answer. It's alright.
Time. The best medicine ever for your broken heart. Girl, don't rush to heal your wound. It really takes time to get use to being alone again, doing the things that you used to do before the boy steps in. Life is going to feel boring once again, but at the same time, you would discover so many other things that you've once never thought of it before.
I don't have a recipe for your broken heart. I don't have any magic spells to help you forget your memories. Neither do I have any medicine to make things any better for you. The only thing I can give is advice and support. It is all up to you on how you want to end things with the boy. It is the path that you choose.
Seriously, if things cannot be the way you want it to be, then being friends would always be a better option. If you were to ask me, I would rather not be friends at all. Since you have been hurt, there is no point in staying around him and remind you of all the things you try not to remember. It is difficult to put up a facade to be friends and pretent that nothing happened and continue to smile. If you ask me, I can't do that. We are human Girl, there is no way you could ever do that in an instant. If it's over a long long time, then that makes perfect sense. But not now.
Be strong. Smile. Stay happy. Take care and be confident.
It is always better to walk away with grace.
The least you could salvage is your pride and dignity.
Regards,
Loves :)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
After so many years....
to be real honest, i am not feeling extremely well recently. not in the mental aspect since i'm perfectly healthy, it's on the emotional aspects. i am disturbed by so many things happening around me. like so many things.
many a times, when ever i overheard the girl, or any one of my friends complaining about their parents being so difficult here and there, and i always, without a fail, will encorage them to look on the bright side of it and try not to pick a fight or quarell with their dad or mom. just because i have many friends out there who has lost their parents to accidents, illness and some in the event of a divorced. and so, i always appreciate how fortunate i am to have both my dad and my mom with me. i really really really do. that said, they still get on my nerves some times. and that is frustrating to know.
SHE has always pick on every single thing that i do since young but also at the same time showered me with unlimited amount of love and concern. i know how she always stick up for me and stand by my side.i know it all. things got worst, when i entered the bowling arena. she's harder on me than anyone in the family. pushes me to my max and only when things start to collapse, she learnt to let it go. *although suicide did come into my mind several times, but i dont have the guts to do so* and so many times in my life, i always wonder, would it be better if i'm dead? i guess she would probably be sad, but after a while she would be all happy that i'm gone. that's what she said before, although i did bring it up to her and she deny saying that before. what can i say boy.
from young, i have developed this habit of not saying "no" to her. because i simply know what kind of consequences i will exepect after that. after a few tries, i gave up just because i was too tired to have an argument with her. i never win. and even if i did, she was the one who gave in, not because i really won. so i don't see a point. but having that said, there were times that her disapproval does make a point and save my ass from lots of trouble. so that i can appreciate. however there are still so many things in my life, even after i'm 21, she still rules it over me. but, i can tolerate it. no problem. just have to let it slide.
and so, from time to time, i am always thinking about ways and solutions to live peacefully with her. no fights. no arguments. at least throughout the year and the only conclusion i have is that i must have my own earning power and to not spend so much time at home alone, together with her. and from the past 2 years of my life, i have proven myself right. HE who spends more time with her for the past 2 years on my behalf since i'm always not around, has been into more arguments and fights with her more than i did. awesome isn't it? i found a scapegoat. *i really hate to put it this way, but that's the reality and it's cruel*
sigh. i resigned from my job some time around in feb this year and till now it's only 2 months and i have been ALMOST into an argument with her TWICE. can you imagine, it's only 2 months of me spending more time at home and i almost had 2 arguments with her?! i cannot imagine how to survive for the next 8 months of my life. i regretted quitting from my job. seriously i did. i'm now begging to god that some one just employ me now, in an instant. thank goodness i took up the internship offered by my school for 2 months starting in june. so from now till then, i will just use study as an excuse to leave house and not to be home. pathetic am i? i have a house i cannot go back to until nightfalls. what a shame.
honestly, i have no idea whether is she picking a fight with me on purpose. at first, she was all happy about this boy i just knew and is always cheerful when i'm out with him, however after she found out that he smokes, she became all wary and upset whenever i'm with him. for now, i can still take her attitude as long as she doesnt jumps over the line like what she did with the previous friends of mine, i'm fine. i can take that. next, she is still comparing me to this another bowler saying that i can NEVER EVER win her in my whole life and that i suck as a bowler since i have been bowling for god damn long and still cannot overtake her. THIS, i can take it. no problem. it's true that i'm a lousy bowler, but as long as i know where i stand, i'm fine with it. i don't need her encouragement, her approval, her consent or her support in my bowling. i have already learnt to live without all that. i'm fine.
NOW, she nags on my passion i love most which is also bowling. i participated in this league organized by this friend of mine, it's a weekly thing and each time i'm selected to bowl, i would have to pay $16 for 4 games. that is reasonable. every where else charges the same. my team is not strong, but i'm just bowling for training and for my friends. and this is what she said :"don't spend so much money on this useless, cannot win game. $16 is not cheap and if you cannot win is like throwing money into the sea. we are tight with cash now and please try to save money since daddy is working hard to earn money. be more sensible a bit. you so old already. now every thing is so expensive!" guess what, you don't know how much blood has rushed into my brain and i feel like telling her that if she ever worried about money, she shouldnt be spending OUR money on jackpots. i'm fine with her playing mahjong since it's a luck thing and you are playing against humn. i'm fine with 4d because she always did her homework before betting. but JACKPOT?!?! you've got to be kidding me. and she lost from at least $150 to $'000 of dollars. and WHAT IS MY $16 COMPARED TO THAT?!?!?! not to mention that she frequents the jackpot room almost vey night for god knows how many years since I WAS YOUNG. seriously, i wonder if she ever knows what she's saying. half of the time, i know she KNEW what she's talking about. she just want to pick a fight on me.
if i were younger then, i would have shoot her with it and i forget about sleeping tonight. but now, i just need to blast my ipod and pretend not to hear a single nonsense she has spoken. it just makes my blood boils. fine. i can take it. no problem at all. i can take it all. if my dad can, i could too. i will make it through for this 2 months until my internship starts. and after that i'd better start my job hunting. i cannot stand staying at home, being together with her alone for long hours. it's torturing. i'd rather work till i drop dead. at least i know my efforts pay off.
i'm so pissed now. i really wish i could do something else now to distract myself from her. and i have decided that from tomorrow onwards, whether i can find anybody to study with me, i am going to do my self study anywhere but home. even my house downstairs i'm fine with it. and, i am not going to bother or ask my dad to pick me up or send me home. i have enough of her grumbling about the waiting time. even if i have to crawl, i'll crawl home. cash. is something i dont have since i dont save and i always give my allowance to my parents. but, somehow i will manage it until i get a job. this year. so it's only a few more months to bear. i know i can pull through.no problem.
i really want work.
many a times, when ever i overheard the girl, or any one of my friends complaining about their parents being so difficult here and there, and i always, without a fail, will encorage them to look on the bright side of it and try not to pick a fight or quarell with their dad or mom. just because i have many friends out there who has lost their parents to accidents, illness and some in the event of a divorced. and so, i always appreciate how fortunate i am to have both my dad and my mom with me. i really really really do. that said, they still get on my nerves some times. and that is frustrating to know.
SHE has always pick on every single thing that i do since young but also at the same time showered me with unlimited amount of love and concern. i know how she always stick up for me and stand by my side.i know it all. things got worst, when i entered the bowling arena. she's harder on me than anyone in the family. pushes me to my max and only when things start to collapse, she learnt to let it go. *although suicide did come into my mind several times, but i dont have the guts to do so* and so many times in my life, i always wonder, would it be better if i'm dead? i guess she would probably be sad, but after a while she would be all happy that i'm gone. that's what she said before, although i did bring it up to her and she deny saying that before. what can i say boy.
from young, i have developed this habit of not saying "no" to her. because i simply know what kind of consequences i will exepect after that. after a few tries, i gave up just because i was too tired to have an argument with her. i never win. and even if i did, she was the one who gave in, not because i really won. so i don't see a point. but having that said, there were times that her disapproval does make a point and save my ass from lots of trouble. so that i can appreciate. however there are still so many things in my life, even after i'm 21, she still rules it over me. but, i can tolerate it. no problem. just have to let it slide.
and so, from time to time, i am always thinking about ways and solutions to live peacefully with her. no fights. no arguments. at least throughout the year and the only conclusion i have is that i must have my own earning power and to not spend so much time at home alone, together with her. and from the past 2 years of my life, i have proven myself right. HE who spends more time with her for the past 2 years on my behalf since i'm always not around, has been into more arguments and fights with her more than i did. awesome isn't it? i found a scapegoat. *i really hate to put it this way, but that's the reality and it's cruel*
sigh. i resigned from my job some time around in feb this year and till now it's only 2 months and i have been ALMOST into an argument with her TWICE. can you imagine, it's only 2 months of me spending more time at home and i almost had 2 arguments with her?! i cannot imagine how to survive for the next 8 months of my life. i regretted quitting from my job. seriously i did. i'm now begging to god that some one just employ me now, in an instant. thank goodness i took up the internship offered by my school for 2 months starting in june. so from now till then, i will just use study as an excuse to leave house and not to be home. pathetic am i? i have a house i cannot go back to until nightfalls. what a shame.
honestly, i have no idea whether is she picking a fight with me on purpose. at first, she was all happy about this boy i just knew and is always cheerful when i'm out with him, however after she found out that he smokes, she became all wary and upset whenever i'm with him. for now, i can still take her attitude as long as she doesnt jumps over the line like what she did with the previous friends of mine, i'm fine. i can take that. next, she is still comparing me to this another bowler saying that i can NEVER EVER win her in my whole life and that i suck as a bowler since i have been bowling for god damn long and still cannot overtake her. THIS, i can take it. no problem. it's true that i'm a lousy bowler, but as long as i know where i stand, i'm fine with it. i don't need her encouragement, her approval, her consent or her support in my bowling. i have already learnt to live without all that. i'm fine.
NOW, she nags on my passion i love most which is also bowling. i participated in this league organized by this friend of mine, it's a weekly thing and each time i'm selected to bowl, i would have to pay $16 for 4 games. that is reasonable. every where else charges the same. my team is not strong, but i'm just bowling for training and for my friends. and this is what she said :"don't spend so much money on this useless, cannot win game. $16 is not cheap and if you cannot win is like throwing money into the sea. we are tight with cash now and please try to save money since daddy is working hard to earn money. be more sensible a bit. you so old already. now every thing is so expensive!" guess what, you don't know how much blood has rushed into my brain and i feel like telling her that if she ever worried about money, she shouldnt be spending OUR money on jackpots. i'm fine with her playing mahjong since it's a luck thing and you are playing against humn. i'm fine with 4d because she always did her homework before betting. but JACKPOT?!?! you've got to be kidding me. and she lost from at least $150 to $'000 of dollars. and WHAT IS MY $16 COMPARED TO THAT?!?!?! not to mention that she frequents the jackpot room almost vey night for god knows how many years since I WAS YOUNG. seriously, i wonder if she ever knows what she's saying. half of the time, i know she KNEW what she's talking about. she just want to pick a fight on me.
if i were younger then, i would have shoot her with it and i forget about sleeping tonight. but now, i just need to blast my ipod and pretend not to hear a single nonsense she has spoken. it just makes my blood boils. fine. i can take it. no problem at all. i can take it all. if my dad can, i could too. i will make it through for this 2 months until my internship starts. and after that i'd better start my job hunting. i cannot stand staying at home, being together with her alone for long hours. it's torturing. i'd rather work till i drop dead. at least i know my efforts pay off.
i'm so pissed now. i really wish i could do something else now to distract myself from her. and i have decided that from tomorrow onwards, whether i can find anybody to study with me, i am going to do my self study anywhere but home. even my house downstairs i'm fine with it. and, i am not going to bother or ask my dad to pick me up or send me home. i have enough of her grumbling about the waiting time. even if i have to crawl, i'll crawl home. cash. is something i dont have since i dont save and i always give my allowance to my parents. but, somehow i will manage it until i get a job. this year. so it's only a few more months to bear. i know i can pull through.no problem.
i really want work.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Emotions
Checked up on this girl and felt that she is not doing well at all. Something is bothering her and she seems to have some difficulty dealing with it. Girl, as long as you have made up your mind, dont regret it. life is simple, we make decisions and we dont look back. everything's gonna be alright. we're not perfect and that's perfectly normal. smile girl.
It is not wrong to want to feel wanted by someone important to you. it is our very human nature that made us to feel this way. checking on phone for messages and calls, missing him every now and then, and wishing that he was there with you... all these are normal. it is not because you're weak, dependent or stupid. is what any girl would have done. when they are in love.
It is definitely not too much to ask for a boy who would feels that you matters most in his life. this is the very basic requirement you can ever ask from a boy. and if he can't deliver that, he's not worth for you at all and that's because he doesn't love you much. Boys, will argue that each and every one of them has their own ways in expressing their love for the girl they like. but if you ever notice, at the end of the day, there are always a FEW THINGS that any boy would only do for the girl he really loves and wants to be with for as long as time permits. take your parents for example. there is a reason why with all the arguments and quarrells, they are still married to each other and not divorced.
You will be able to tell apart from those boys who are out to play and from those who seriously wants a life with you. and i know that, you probably knew that it is not quite possible for him to leave her after knowing so much about them. and this, is normal too. if he really can put her aside, he would have already done so long ago. no need to drag till now. their history is undeniable and for whatever reasons he may give, the fact that he has stayed with her for 4years proves that he has feelings for her. be it love or for atonement. he has it. and the truth is, he cant let it go.
truth hurts. it always does. but it brings you back to reality. lies on the other hand is like a delusion. a weak bubble to put around you that will burst easily. also, the most important in life is to be honest with yourself. what is it that you want? work towards your goals. if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, i can always lend you mine :) friends are there for a reason. so you're fighting alone at all.
stand tall. brace yourself. take a deep breath, and chest up! walk away confidently. show him that you are better off without him. happier and you can definitely move on and will take a big step at a time. this will pains your heart no doubt, but time as the best healing medicine ever, will numb it for you. widen your eyes, broaden your scope, find a better man. there is no need for you to cry to sleep anymore. you can do it because you are not alone.
Girl, you are stronger than you think you are. believe that since i am the one who said it. have faith and confidence.
tell him. that this love game is over. you are through and through with him. lay down your rules. be firm and that you know that it is the right thing to do. tell him. that he can have his ego all to himself. that you no need to be in his arms anymore. the tears you've cried, are no longer for him.
you did not lose him. is he who has lost you.
walk away, girl.
walk away with pride and dignity.
you deserve that much.
everything will be fine :) it's ok, you don't have to be afriad. the worst will be over soon.
It is not wrong to want to feel wanted by someone important to you. it is our very human nature that made us to feel this way. checking on phone for messages and calls, missing him every now and then, and wishing that he was there with you... all these are normal. it is not because you're weak, dependent or stupid. is what any girl would have done. when they are in love.
It is definitely not too much to ask for a boy who would feels that you matters most in his life. this is the very basic requirement you can ever ask from a boy. and if he can't deliver that, he's not worth for you at all and that's because he doesn't love you much. Boys, will argue that each and every one of them has their own ways in expressing their love for the girl they like. but if you ever notice, at the end of the day, there are always a FEW THINGS that any boy would only do for the girl he really loves and wants to be with for as long as time permits. take your parents for example. there is a reason why with all the arguments and quarrells, they are still married to each other and not divorced.
You will be able to tell apart from those boys who are out to play and from those who seriously wants a life with you. and i know that, you probably knew that it is not quite possible for him to leave her after knowing so much about them. and this, is normal too. if he really can put her aside, he would have already done so long ago. no need to drag till now. their history is undeniable and for whatever reasons he may give, the fact that he has stayed with her for 4years proves that he has feelings for her. be it love or for atonement. he has it. and the truth is, he cant let it go.
truth hurts. it always does. but it brings you back to reality. lies on the other hand is like a delusion. a weak bubble to put around you that will burst easily. also, the most important in life is to be honest with yourself. what is it that you want? work towards your goals. if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, i can always lend you mine :) friends are there for a reason. so you're fighting alone at all.
stand tall. brace yourself. take a deep breath, and chest up! walk away confidently. show him that you are better off without him. happier and you can definitely move on and will take a big step at a time. this will pains your heart no doubt, but time as the best healing medicine ever, will numb it for you. widen your eyes, broaden your scope, find a better man. there is no need for you to cry to sleep anymore. you can do it because you are not alone.
Girl, you are stronger than you think you are. believe that since i am the one who said it. have faith and confidence.
tell him. that this love game is over. you are through and through with him. lay down your rules. be firm and that you know that it is the right thing to do. tell him. that he can have his ego all to himself. that you no need to be in his arms anymore. the tears you've cried, are no longer for him.
you did not lose him. is he who has lost you.
walk away, girl.
walk away with pride and dignity.
you deserve that much.
everything will be fine :) it's ok, you don't have to be afriad. the worst will be over soon.
Dead Tired
24hrs bowling is total madness and i survived. yes, survived it all. i have no idea how i could manage to pull through without a wink of sleep in between and i was constantly hungry. my left arm aches because of holding my heavy bowling ball while getting ready to bowl, right forearm ache because of wii the day before and of course, bowling for 14games. my left tigh aches because of my balancing, my right hemstring hurts because of my power step. conclusion is: bowling is taking a toll on my body.
of course, a sequence of events have contributed to my aches such as roller blading on wednesday, ice skating on thursday and playing wii and mahjong on friday. do not underestimate the power of wii. my arm aches because of that. we played rrr1 and rrr2. we're gonna conquer rrr3 the next round. although we may look stupid, again.
although bowling is tiring, it's fun and of course the company of friends made it possible for me to deal with it. with constant cheering, laughter and jokes, we are always on the ball. we came in fifth out of all the strong teams out there. it is hard to name it all so i would just name the main characters on the team, the first was jennifer's team, second bronscon's team, third uncle jack's team, fourth patrick phua's team and mine on the fifth. so, it is an awesome team that we came in 5th out of 30 teams.
we bowled 48 games for qualifying. from 9am to 4pm. fast ain't we? then 72 games from 9pm to 8am. in between from 4pm to 9pm, we played l4d2, eat dinner, gelare ice cream and talk cock. as for me, i read my twiling book. edward is still as charming as he is. how i wish my boyfriend is him. anyway, end of report, off tagging photos on fb. ttyl.
of course, a sequence of events have contributed to my aches such as roller blading on wednesday, ice skating on thursday and playing wii and mahjong on friday. do not underestimate the power of wii. my arm aches because of that. we played rrr1 and rrr2. we're gonna conquer rrr3 the next round. although we may look stupid, again.
although bowling is tiring, it's fun and of course the company of friends made it possible for me to deal with it. with constant cheering, laughter and jokes, we are always on the ball. we came in fifth out of all the strong teams out there. it is hard to name it all so i would just name the main characters on the team, the first was jennifer's team, second bronscon's team, third uncle jack's team, fourth patrick phua's team and mine on the fifth. so, it is an awesome team that we came in 5th out of 30 teams.
we bowled 48 games for qualifying. from 9am to 4pm. fast ain't we? then 72 games from 9pm to 8am. in between from 4pm to 9pm, we played l4d2, eat dinner, gelare ice cream and talk cock. as for me, i read my twiling book. edward is still as charming as he is. how i wish my boyfriend is him. anyway, end of report, off tagging photos on fb. ttyl.
Friday, April 2, 2010
The Impossibles
Finally after 23 years of my life, i've stepped into an ice skating ring and ice skate with Foo and Sim. Awesome friends i have. Sim as pro as she's roller blades, get the hang of skating pretty fast. as for me and foo, we took a while but gradually we are able to skate across the ring and we now know, how fun ice skating can be :) Tham, i will definitely bring u along with me next time and we will make it fun too...
This little girl called me from so far away from our homeland. at first i thought it was some stupid china agencies calling me so i hung up on you, sorry girl, i don't mean it. i'm glad u called. at least u had someone to talk to, i may be busy, but please remember, i will always be there for you because i know how hard it can be to be fighting alone this seemingly long and tiring battle. what can i say? i'm in a similiar situation, but i think i can handle it, alright. don't worry dear, you have my back!
Girl, sometimes learning to give up is not a bad thing. in order to gain something new, we have to let go of something old. like i've said, love can sometimes be like magic, and magic can sometimes be illusional. there's no doubt that you will be heartbroken and all your wounds will open up. but that's part and parcel of this whole damn thing. and that is exactly what makes us stronger. just like you, i'm tired of this whole thing as well. what can i say? it is a battle not worth fighting for. it is high risk and low/no returns.
Having said all that, running away is definitely not the best solution. facing it is hard, but if that's where u fell, you would need to pick yourself up from there. problems are bound to happen, and we need to know how to deal with it, so we can prevent it the next time. saying is easier than getting it done. girl, i know this better than anyone. but it's not impossible as long as you tell yourself so. positive thinking is what set everything on the move. try to understand more about him, before u pass your judgement on this relationship. words, may seem to be what it is, but trust me, the power words have, is undeniable. when things are spoken, you feel so much better.
I seriously don't like the way he treats you. it is like he is having all the joy to himself and you girls have to fight over him and he, sitting on the sideline, enjoying this drama. look, if he has already made up his mind on you, put it into action. if not, it is the same as playing around. and girl, if he is doing that, i think you deserve some one better. you don't need to go through this for him. he may be one of the good catch, but good on the outside won't last long, it is what is in the inside that makes it worthwhile. of course, the looks play a somewhat important part in the evaluation process :)
So girl, think about it. if this is really taking a toll on you, why not just let it go. you may be surprised that you will find it easier to breathe after letting it go. it starts with your mind. if you want a change, everything starts with you. i'll always be here. love you always.
This little girl called me from so far away from our homeland. at first i thought it was some stupid china agencies calling me so i hung up on you, sorry girl, i don't mean it. i'm glad u called. at least u had someone to talk to, i may be busy, but please remember, i will always be there for you because i know how hard it can be to be fighting alone this seemingly long and tiring battle. what can i say? i'm in a similiar situation, but i think i can handle it, alright. don't worry dear, you have my back!
Girl, sometimes learning to give up is not a bad thing. in order to gain something new, we have to let go of something old. like i've said, love can sometimes be like magic, and magic can sometimes be illusional. there's no doubt that you will be heartbroken and all your wounds will open up. but that's part and parcel of this whole damn thing. and that is exactly what makes us stronger. just like you, i'm tired of this whole thing as well. what can i say? it is a battle not worth fighting for. it is high risk and low/no returns.
Having said all that, running away is definitely not the best solution. facing it is hard, but if that's where u fell, you would need to pick yourself up from there. problems are bound to happen, and we need to know how to deal with it, so we can prevent it the next time. saying is easier than getting it done. girl, i know this better than anyone. but it's not impossible as long as you tell yourself so. positive thinking is what set everything on the move. try to understand more about him, before u pass your judgement on this relationship. words, may seem to be what it is, but trust me, the power words have, is undeniable. when things are spoken, you feel so much better.
I seriously don't like the way he treats you. it is like he is having all the joy to himself and you girls have to fight over him and he, sitting on the sideline, enjoying this drama. look, if he has already made up his mind on you, put it into action. if not, it is the same as playing around. and girl, if he is doing that, i think you deserve some one better. you don't need to go through this for him. he may be one of the good catch, but good on the outside won't last long, it is what is in the inside that makes it worthwhile. of course, the looks play a somewhat important part in the evaluation process :)
So girl, think about it. if this is really taking a toll on you, why not just let it go. you may be surprised that you will find it easier to breathe after letting it go. it starts with your mind. if you want a change, everything starts with you. i'll always be here. love you always.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
There It Goes Again
Let me recall, when was the last time i studied? oh it's last Friday at Chinese Swimming Club, study room, waiting to bowl with Clement and Gerard, to practice for Saturday TP Alumni Bowling Competition. Yes, and it stops there. Saturday.Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. and even Wednesday. I did not even touch my books once. Not once. What makes it worst is that I skipped my morning classes on Monday and Tuesday. Shoot me now. Someone. Just pull the trigger.
For the first time after so long, I'm starting to feel anxious about my studies and I will lock these feelings tight in my heart to remind me that I am playing to my heart's content now, and I will also slought for the remaining days I have till exams approach. I play hard, but will study harder to make up for all the time lost. These feelings, are signs of guilty. Guilty that I have been playing and slacking so much that now when thinking back, felt that I have wasted my life away just like that. Reality sits in pretty fast and I'm starting to feel that now. So much now. What have I been doing the past few days. Oh Gosh!
You know, I am going to set some very strict rules on myself after this week ends. Since I have not more than 6 weeks left to study for my exams and my time is running short:
1. I will ONLY use my computer on weekends.
2. To sleep before 12midnight if i have morning classes the next day.
3. Self discipline. baby. self discipline.
4. Concentrate and Focus.
5. Everytime I feel like doing something, think about how much time i've wasted.
6. Supper is fine :)
Alright, with these i'm going to abide to this starting Thursday. I will want to keep my word and study hard so that I will not disappoint my parents. And for some reason, I don't feel as trapped as I use to feel. The power of words, now that i finally understand how words, can move people and steer their directions. I realised that I cannot underestimate the power words can hold. I think it can even move a moutain. and some, it moves my heart and determination.
A series of event that happens recently, triggered me to wake up from my slumber and to see the real world. and never did i expected that i will find back myself through such an unexpected encounter. I always thought that bowling was my comfort zone that brings me back to who i am. I'm not wrong, it just that bowling is only an avenue for me to numb myself in a place i'm familiar with and to take my mind of from other distractions. My bowling friends are there to lengthen the time to get distracted from my distractions.
But now, in order to find myself back. my mindset about my own life. the path that i want to take. the things that i'm willing to sacrifice for. the consequences that i've prepared myself with and feeling to be alone and strong, I've found everything from animes. unexpected isn't it? i have thought so myself too. I was watching some animes and remembered my intial promises i have made to myself. my determination on certain issues and my resolution on so many things. slowly, like pieces of my memory that starts to fall in place, comes back to me. and now, i think i am capable to, once again, deal with this loneliness. i have been dealing with that for so long that when someone happens to step in, i have opened up too much and it became a habit that i must have someone with me. to listen to my woes, happiness and unrelated issues. or even to spend time with.
I think i am ready to set off on my own once again. since i have been through so many times of this and experience really is accumulating, I can handle this. It is just the matter of going back to where I have stopped and move on from there. My mistake this time round is, i guarded myself too much and always reject my own feelings. when i learn to accept it, the burden gets lighter each time. and slowly, just like this, feeling so tired to fight it you became immune to it.
Studies.
For the first time after so long, I'm starting to feel anxious about my studies and I will lock these feelings tight in my heart to remind me that I am playing to my heart's content now, and I will also slought for the remaining days I have till exams approach. I play hard, but will study harder to make up for all the time lost. These feelings, are signs of guilty. Guilty that I have been playing and slacking so much that now when thinking back, felt that I have wasted my life away just like that. Reality sits in pretty fast and I'm starting to feel that now. So much now. What have I been doing the past few days. Oh Gosh!
You know, I am going to set some very strict rules on myself after this week ends. Since I have not more than 6 weeks left to study for my exams and my time is running short:
1. I will ONLY use my computer on weekends.
2. To sleep before 12midnight if i have morning classes the next day.
3. Self discipline. baby. self discipline.
4. Concentrate and Focus.
5. Everytime I feel like doing something, think about how much time i've wasted.
6. Supper is fine :)
Alright, with these i'm going to abide to this starting Thursday. I will want to keep my word and study hard so that I will not disappoint my parents. And for some reason, I don't feel as trapped as I use to feel. The power of words, now that i finally understand how words, can move people and steer their directions. I realised that I cannot underestimate the power words can hold. I think it can even move a moutain. and some, it moves my heart and determination.
A series of event that happens recently, triggered me to wake up from my slumber and to see the real world. and never did i expected that i will find back myself through such an unexpected encounter. I always thought that bowling was my comfort zone that brings me back to who i am. I'm not wrong, it just that bowling is only an avenue for me to numb myself in a place i'm familiar with and to take my mind of from other distractions. My bowling friends are there to lengthen the time to get distracted from my distractions.
But now, in order to find myself back. my mindset about my own life. the path that i want to take. the things that i'm willing to sacrifice for. the consequences that i've prepared myself with and feeling to be alone and strong, I've found everything from animes. unexpected isn't it? i have thought so myself too. I was watching some animes and remembered my intial promises i have made to myself. my determination on certain issues and my resolution on so many things. slowly, like pieces of my memory that starts to fall in place, comes back to me. and now, i think i am capable to, once again, deal with this loneliness. i have been dealing with that for so long that when someone happens to step in, i have opened up too much and it became a habit that i must have someone with me. to listen to my woes, happiness and unrelated issues. or even to spend time with.
I think i am ready to set off on my own once again. since i have been through so many times of this and experience really is accumulating, I can handle this. It is just the matter of going back to where I have stopped and move on from there. My mistake this time round is, i guarded myself too much and always reject my own feelings. when i learn to accept it, the burden gets lighter each time. and slowly, just like this, feeling so tired to fight it you became immune to it.
Studies.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
You Know You Know
Just yesterday, i've experienced some funny moments with Sim May Lou and Siewmei. We were waiting for the lift in school after about 5hours of study and we're heading out for dinner. The lift didn't take too long and when it came, there was one middle-aged woman inside, i walked in first followed by Siewmei and guess what, the lady didn't see Maylou and closed the door right IN FRONT of her face. Everything just happened in not more than 10secs, i guess. Both Siewmei and I were too late to response to help her. lol. thank goodness Maylou's nose is still intact. You can't imagine how funny it was. Of all people, to close the door on Maylou, is something we've never thought it would happen.
and just today, Maylou has learnt her lesson and she has decided to be the first to walk in to the lift :) anyway, we weren't productive today. procrastinated and slept most of the time. in the end, we decided to end our day earlier than usual. we sat and talked over dinner about many things that we've always wanted to do but has never come true. and for each other, we have decided to skip classes the following and have some girl's outing :) awesome!
we decided that we would go roller blading, and then dinner at bedok 85 (see us whack all the food!) and then spent the night over at my place to mahjong! **we will be playing small coz me and Siewmei believe in beginners' luck** and we will also skip class the next day and go either swimming, movie, ice skate, sing k or shopping around the east area.
i am looking forward to that. since we have plan in advance, i hope nothing goes wrong for that day. like no rain, no mensus, no last min appointments or anything. hope that whoever is up there will be nice to us on that day. CAMERA will be in action too!
and just today, Maylou has learnt her lesson and she has decided to be the first to walk in to the lift :) anyway, we weren't productive today. procrastinated and slept most of the time. in the end, we decided to end our day earlier than usual. we sat and talked over dinner about many things that we've always wanted to do but has never come true. and for each other, we have decided to skip classes the following and have some girl's outing :) awesome!
we decided that we would go roller blading, and then dinner at bedok 85 (see us whack all the food!) and then spent the night over at my place to mahjong! **we will be playing small coz me and Siewmei believe in beginners' luck** and we will also skip class the next day and go either swimming, movie, ice skate, sing k or shopping around the east area.
i am looking forward to that. since we have plan in advance, i hope nothing goes wrong for that day. like no rain, no mensus, no last min appointments or anything. hope that whoever is up there will be nice to us on that day. CAMERA will be in action too!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
According to...
Someone told me something. and it felt like some one has just squeezed my heart so tight that it seems so hard to breathe. i choked on my own words as i tried to speak. and at this point of time that i know that my conscience is slowly killing me from the inside.
I'm trying. trying my best to piece things up to its original state. to bring everything back to where it supposed to be. don't misunderstand. i'm not acting to be strong or to be benevolent. perhaps it is in my nature to handle things this way. i'm not as harsh and tough as how i always speak, in fact i always use the soft approach to end things. that is all because, i know how soft my heart can be at crucial times. i'm tired of denying that and is learning to accept that fact.
All i need is to have someone, anyone, to assure me that my decisions are not wrong. and that i'm right. that is, this is the right thing to do. i need some confirmation that no matter what feeling i may have, i need to make the correct decisions for the benefit of everyone in the long run. i need affirmation that this is where things should be heading towards to. There is already no other alternatives.
i'm cornered.
I'm trying. trying my best to piece things up to its original state. to bring everything back to where it supposed to be. don't misunderstand. i'm not acting to be strong or to be benevolent. perhaps it is in my nature to handle things this way. i'm not as harsh and tough as how i always speak, in fact i always use the soft approach to end things. that is all because, i know how soft my heart can be at crucial times. i'm tired of denying that and is learning to accept that fact.
All i need is to have someone, anyone, to assure me that my decisions are not wrong. and that i'm right. that is, this is the right thing to do. i need some confirmation that no matter what feeling i may have, i need to make the correct decisions for the benefit of everyone in the long run. i need affirmation that this is where things should be heading towards to. There is already no other alternatives.
i'm cornered.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
N They Say
women can be silly sometimes, don't they? after going through all the hurt, in the end, we still choose to forgive and love again. our human heart can be so fragile, yet sometimes seems to strong. isn't this amazing? i bet.
i'm so tired of talking about my current thoughts, situations and my plans. so tired of it all. the answers that i always get, is always the same. and deep down, somewhere in my heart, i knew it all along that, that has to be the ending for it. and speaking about giving it more options, i wonder if there is really an alternative to it.
i hoped that someone can just tell me frankly, tell me that i'm stupid enough to get caught in all these and it is time for me to wake up my idea. i need my wake up call. where is it? well, i hope that things will work out eventually. but meanwhile, i'm still considering whether should i give it a fight?
my conclusion is still, i'm dumb. the only thing that i don't have that makes it perfect is to be a blond.
i'm so tired of talking about my current thoughts, situations and my plans. so tired of it all. the answers that i always get, is always the same. and deep down, somewhere in my heart, i knew it all along that, that has to be the ending for it. and speaking about giving it more options, i wonder if there is really an alternative to it.
i hoped that someone can just tell me frankly, tell me that i'm stupid enough to get caught in all these and it is time for me to wake up my idea. i need my wake up call. where is it? well, i hope that things will work out eventually. but meanwhile, i'm still considering whether should i give it a fight?
my conclusion is still, i'm dumb. the only thing that i don't have that makes it perfect is to be a blond.
This Amazing Thing
Who could have thought that I could manage to pass through my weekend just like that. in a blink of an eye. my saturday is gone. and what is this thing that made it all that easy for me? they are my friends and bowling. just like what i've expected, bowling really occupies a lot in me. and with all those amazing friends tonight, they have just made my weekend happier.
I thought that i would have to struggle through my weekends, that would seems longer than any other days, but surprisingly i made it through the night without thinking much about you. not as much as when i'm alone, doing nothing. i am glad. glad that i don't have to think about you. at least i know that i've made some progress on my own.
Something nice came up today, Thanapon, this thai friend of mine, came by to Singapore and went back in an instant. -.- as usual. he comes and goes just like an unexpected gust of wind. one moment i received an sms from him saying that he's in Singapore and the next sms he would be telling me that he's leaving in a few hours time. dear me have to remind him that he would need to text me earlier to at least allow me to do some planning to meet him or at least, send him off at the airport. today's timing was just bad. nothing he does coincides with mine. but he's understanding and knew that i'm really tied down with some important appointments and told me that he would notify me in advance. i would appreciate that, boy!
Anyway, i have just wasted the night like that, although i enjoyed it :), i need to get back to my books as soon as possible. guess what, i have decided to particiapte in some mini competition tomorrow even though i know that i am not ready for that yet. and i really need to study. please, whoever is up there, give me some extra brain cells and allow me to study my MA enough to just pass my test. at least. -.- omg. and i realised that procrastination is my best friend. and that's bad. zomg.
I thought that i would have to struggle through my weekends, that would seems longer than any other days, but surprisingly i made it through the night without thinking much about you. not as much as when i'm alone, doing nothing. i am glad. glad that i don't have to think about you. at least i know that i've made some progress on my own.
Something nice came up today, Thanapon, this thai friend of mine, came by to Singapore and went back in an instant. -.- as usual. he comes and goes just like an unexpected gust of wind. one moment i received an sms from him saying that he's in Singapore and the next sms he would be telling me that he's leaving in a few hours time. dear me have to remind him that he would need to text me earlier to at least allow me to do some planning to meet him or at least, send him off at the airport. today's timing was just bad. nothing he does coincides with mine. but he's understanding and knew that i'm really tied down with some important appointments and told me that he would notify me in advance. i would appreciate that, boy!
Anyway, i have just wasted the night like that, although i enjoyed it :), i need to get back to my books as soon as possible. guess what, i have decided to particiapte in some mini competition tomorrow even though i know that i am not ready for that yet. and i really need to study. please, whoever is up there, give me some extra brain cells and allow me to study my MA enough to just pass my test. at least. -.- omg. and i realised that procrastination is my best friend. and that's bad. zomg.
Friday, March 5, 2010
There's something about a girl :)
"There’s something about a girl when she’s in love.
When a girl is in love she devotes everything she has to him, and everything she does is because he’s worth it. She reaches out to grab your hand because yours are the only ones that fit perfectly with hers. She cries to you because she finds the warmest comfort in you. She forgives you no matter how many times you’ve hurt her. She cooks you your favorite food just to see you smile. She fights hard with you because she cares. She teaches you a lesson only to help you learn and grow. She kisses you unexpectedly because everything in her body wants to. She calls you when things are bad because you tend to ease the hurt. She drops plans with her girlfriends because she rather spend time with you. She falls asleep in your arms because it’s where she wants to be. She hurts when you are hurting. She sticks by your side even when times are wrong. She surprises you because nothing makes her happier than making you happy. She pays for your shit because she actually wants to. But a lot of the reason why she does all of that is because she’s afraid to lose you.
There’s something about a girl when she’s on her own.
When a girl is independent she devotes everything she has to herself, and everything she does is because she knows she’s worth it. She doesn’t need anybody to hold her hand, she could do it on her own. She cries to herself because she knows she’ll make it through the night. She forgets you once you’ve hurt her. She keeps food on the table for herself. She fights hard for herself because she cares. She learns and grows from her own mistakes. She doesn’t kiss just because. She doesn’t need anybody to help her ease the hurt. She drops plans with her girlfriends because she rather spend time alone. She doesn’t need somebody next to her just to get some sleep. She hurts. She knows to stick to herself when times are wrong. She doesn’t need surprises because she knows what makes her happy. She pays for her own shit because she actually wants to. But a lot of the reason why she does all of that is because she has lost you."
Quoted from my lover's blog :)
since she has private her blog and not everyone can see this. and here i thought that this post of hers is rather true and would like to share it with all the other girls out there. and for you boys, take note that this is what exactly is happening to girls in these situation. ***although not all girls are like this***
When a girl is in love she devotes everything she has to him, and everything she does is because he’s worth it. She reaches out to grab your hand because yours are the only ones that fit perfectly with hers. She cries to you because she finds the warmest comfort in you. She forgives you no matter how many times you’ve hurt her. She cooks you your favorite food just to see you smile. She fights hard with you because she cares. She teaches you a lesson only to help you learn and grow. She kisses you unexpectedly because everything in her body wants to. She calls you when things are bad because you tend to ease the hurt. She drops plans with her girlfriends because she rather spend time with you. She falls asleep in your arms because it’s where she wants to be. She hurts when you are hurting. She sticks by your side even when times are wrong. She surprises you because nothing makes her happier than making you happy. She pays for your shit because she actually wants to. But a lot of the reason why she does all of that is because she’s afraid to lose you.
There’s something about a girl when she’s on her own.
When a girl is independent she devotes everything she has to herself, and everything she does is because she knows she’s worth it. She doesn’t need anybody to hold her hand, she could do it on her own. She cries to herself because she knows she’ll make it through the night. She forgets you once you’ve hurt her. She keeps food on the table for herself. She fights hard for herself because she cares. She learns and grows from her own mistakes. She doesn’t kiss just because. She doesn’t need anybody to help her ease the hurt. She drops plans with her girlfriends because she rather spend time alone. She doesn’t need somebody next to her just to get some sleep. She hurts. She knows to stick to herself when times are wrong. She doesn’t need surprises because she knows what makes her happy. She pays for her own shit because she actually wants to. But a lot of the reason why she does all of that is because she has lost you."
Quoted from my lover's blog :)
since she has private her blog and not everyone can see this. and here i thought that this post of hers is rather true and would like to share it with all the other girls out there. and for you boys, take note that this is what exactly is happening to girls in these situation. ***although not all girls are like this***
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Hmm...
several questions were asked. not from me. but from others, to me.
it got me thinking. and pondering about it.
honestly, i am feeling disturbed by the questions that they asked me. so disturbed. and at the same time upset with myself.
what should i do now?
this cannot drag any longer. it has to come to an end. but it is not the time yet.
patience. patience. the right time will come, for me to leave this game.
i need to wait. to execute this. wait.
it got me thinking. and pondering about it.
honestly, i am feeling disturbed by the questions that they asked me. so disturbed. and at the same time upset with myself.
what should i do now?
this cannot drag any longer. it has to come to an end. but it is not the time yet.
patience. patience. the right time will come, for me to leave this game.
i need to wait. to execute this. wait.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Mood: Panic
Fuck! I just realised that i couldnt find the CD that Jane has handed to me on Sunday. I need to pass that to Flora on Thursday along with the keys and the expenses documents. omg. my room is in mess and i really cannot remember where the hell i put that CD! Fuck!
I remembered taking it out, placing it somewhere that i thought at the back of my head "it will be convenient for me to bring out so that i wont forget" and i remembered that i was packing my notes on that day because i need to study on monday. and and and, i remembered bring a lot of stuff home on sunday and wtf! i forgot where i put that CD.
omg omg omg omg...i'm so dead...i need my memories back! of all things i forget, i choose to forget where i place the CD. NB! WTF! memories, sobz! please come back..i need to recall and i only have till thursday and i haven't start studying for MA on thursday and I DON'T HAVE MY ORGANIZER WITH ME!
i feel so handicap...
sobz...cd...please come out!
I remembered taking it out, placing it somewhere that i thought at the back of my head "it will be convenient for me to bring out so that i wont forget" and i remembered that i was packing my notes on that day because i need to study on monday. and and and, i remembered bring a lot of stuff home on sunday and wtf! i forgot where i put that CD.
omg omg omg omg...i'm so dead...i need my memories back! of all things i forget, i choose to forget where i place the CD. NB! WTF! memories, sobz! please come back..i need to recall and i only have till thursday and i haven't start studying for MA on thursday and I DON'T HAVE MY ORGANIZER WITH ME!
i feel so handicap...
sobz...cd...please come out!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
My Medicine
Time flows everyday and just like that it passes by so fast before i knew it. It is all coming to an end. An end to my work, ended with SBF and now i only have my studies to accompany me through my seemingly long weeks ahead.
The reasons for all these?! Nothing in particular. It is just the way things are and how it is supposed to end. I am already prepared for it long time ago. To me, having more free time on hand, may not be a good thing afterall because by having more time, i would tend to think about you a little more than i should.
And so, i want to keep myself occupied. The best medicine for this is not to wait and sulk on my own or to go party or clubbing to numb it. I will go back to my comfortable, familiar and safe zone; bowling is my cure. Now that i realised that i have always fall back on my bowling whenever things do not end up well for me. I like that me on the lanes. That aggressive, strong-willed, determined and clear-headed me, that is always on the lane. Sad to say, i have not successfully applied that practice in handling relationship. i wished i had.
I never knew that i was this weak in this area as compared to when i was younger then. Say, age really does make a difference in things don't they? as we get older, the things we view seems to be different and the things that we value is clearer. But i think i'm handling it just fine. like what a friend of mine said "it is difficult to keep a distant and to stay away when you see each other so often" I hate to admit it but I'm doing my best here too :)
I believe i can find my own ways and assurance that i will reduce the number of times you appear in my head everyday and also, to place more concentration on my studies so as not to disappoint my father any further than i already have. I hate it everytime i sneezed because it would just come across my mind that someone might be thinking of me. Recently, i have been sneezing more than usual and i tell myself that it is a sign that i'm falling ill. Anyway i will get myself back on track like the way i used to be, and hopefully, i can, at the very least, salvage this friendship.
I don't have the confidence to say that once our tests/exams ends, things would be the same as the way they are now. I don't even know if i could keep my word to not drift away. Sometimes, i thought that i should not give in to you and i should, treat you like how i treat my other friends. Only then that i realised in order for me to do that, i will need time to know you better through the things you do. That actions has to come sincerely and genuinely from that person himself for me to be able to understand a person better.
In whatever way, i have no intention in going back on my promise and also i know myself very well that once i am able to accept this person as my good friend, i know that i will never consider him as a potential partner at all. Just like my closer male friends i have, because i know them too well, i won't date them and they, will never have this idea across their head as well. This is a friendship, a bond, created that will last as long as it can take.
I wish i could stick to this resolution that I made.
For now, studies will always replace you whenever i think of you. I will refrain from making the first move to sms (unless otherwise necessary) or any other actions that may / could have lead you on. But still, i am curious as to how in the world things could have developed to this stage. I wonders. and is still wondering.
The reasons for all these?! Nothing in particular. It is just the way things are and how it is supposed to end. I am already prepared for it long time ago. To me, having more free time on hand, may not be a good thing afterall because by having more time, i would tend to think about you a little more than i should.
And so, i want to keep myself occupied. The best medicine for this is not to wait and sulk on my own or to go party or clubbing to numb it. I will go back to my comfortable, familiar and safe zone; bowling is my cure. Now that i realised that i have always fall back on my bowling whenever things do not end up well for me. I like that me on the lanes. That aggressive, strong-willed, determined and clear-headed me, that is always on the lane. Sad to say, i have not successfully applied that practice in handling relationship. i wished i had.
I never knew that i was this weak in this area as compared to when i was younger then. Say, age really does make a difference in things don't they? as we get older, the things we view seems to be different and the things that we value is clearer. But i think i'm handling it just fine. like what a friend of mine said "it is difficult to keep a distant and to stay away when you see each other so often" I hate to admit it but I'm doing my best here too :)
I believe i can find my own ways and assurance that i will reduce the number of times you appear in my head everyday and also, to place more concentration on my studies so as not to disappoint my father any further than i already have. I hate it everytime i sneezed because it would just come across my mind that someone might be thinking of me. Recently, i have been sneezing more than usual and i tell myself that it is a sign that i'm falling ill. Anyway i will get myself back on track like the way i used to be, and hopefully, i can, at the very least, salvage this friendship.
I don't have the confidence to say that once our tests/exams ends, things would be the same as the way they are now. I don't even know if i could keep my word to not drift away. Sometimes, i thought that i should not give in to you and i should, treat you like how i treat my other friends. Only then that i realised in order for me to do that, i will need time to know you better through the things you do. That actions has to come sincerely and genuinely from that person himself for me to be able to understand a person better.
In whatever way, i have no intention in going back on my promise and also i know myself very well that once i am able to accept this person as my good friend, i know that i will never consider him as a potential partner at all. Just like my closer male friends i have, because i know them too well, i won't date them and they, will never have this idea across their head as well. This is a friendship, a bond, created that will last as long as it can take.
I wish i could stick to this resolution that I made.
For now, studies will always replace you whenever i think of you. I will refrain from making the first move to sms (unless otherwise necessary) or any other actions that may / could have lead you on. But still, i am curious as to how in the world things could have developed to this stage. I wonders. and is still wondering.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Mood: Sad~
The bomb has finally dropped on me. Karen Kuang called today and told me that at the moment they already have enough staff to work on weekends and hence, they wouldnt need me to work on weekends anymore. *sniff* *sniff* this time round, I am really leaving for good.
I am sad because I have been with this music school for maybe 2 years or so and have gotten used to all the cute little students here and my fantastic teachers who never fails to bring laughter to my life. But as the saying goes, there are no banquet in this world that doesnt have to say good-byes. and i am doing mine now.
Initially I am still pondering over whether should i work on saturday or sunday, now it is all cleared. I dont have to work on either days. I feel so empty all of the sudden. Maybe it is time i try to find something to do. sign up for some courses, maybe. Suddenly, I am so free. No bowling, no work. only studies. sigh. i need to start working soon again. i cant stand idling around not doing anything.
ARGH!!! This is so boring now! i want my busy life back..*sobz*
i contradict myself. i want to work and i don't want to work. haiz. haiz. haiz. this week is my last week of work. *sobz*
what am i supposed to do now? i have so much time on hand. what can i do? what should i do? oh come on! give me something to do besides studying. maybe it is time i take on a more active role in bowling. oh, maybe i shld sign up for music classes. but if i'm not working, i'm broke. and i really dun want to take money from my dad.
so i need to find another job soon. work work work. damn!
I am sad because I have been with this music school for maybe 2 years or so and have gotten used to all the cute little students here and my fantastic teachers who never fails to bring laughter to my life. But as the saying goes, there are no banquet in this world that doesnt have to say good-byes. and i am doing mine now.
Initially I am still pondering over whether should i work on saturday or sunday, now it is all cleared. I dont have to work on either days. I feel so empty all of the sudden. Maybe it is time i try to find something to do. sign up for some courses, maybe. Suddenly, I am so free. No bowling, no work. only studies. sigh. i need to start working soon again. i cant stand idling around not doing anything.
ARGH!!! This is so boring now! i want my busy life back..*sobz*
i contradict myself. i want to work and i don't want to work. haiz. haiz. haiz. this week is my last week of work. *sobz*
what am i supposed to do now? i have so much time on hand. what can i do? what should i do? oh come on! give me something to do besides studying. maybe it is time i take on a more active role in bowling. oh, maybe i shld sign up for music classes. but if i'm not working, i'm broke. and i really dun want to take money from my dad.
so i need to find another job soon. work work work. damn!
For You
Steffi, i know that u were searching high and low for me online last night but i am really tied down to something important and hence was not able to respond to your sos immediately. Just so you know, i dont own a bbb or iphone that allows me to connect to the internet even if i'm out. I am not too sure if it is abit late for me to say this but since i'm so far away from you, i can only support you mentally and that is all that i can do now at the moment. at least for you.
I saw your messages on facebook and i already replied to almost every single one of them. just in case if anything happens again and i happened to be not online, i know u would always refer to my blog and that's why here i am blogging to help you. at least i hope i did.
Seriously, based on what you told me from day 1 till now about you and Ostrich (*** sorry i had to call him that but he really fits into that description flawlessly***) I don't know if he is even serious about being together with you. I can understand that he needs some time but this is dragging on a little bit too long. trust me, the longer this drags, the one ended up getting all injured with wounds would be yourself. You should know this better than I do. Physical wounds may recover but emotional wounds would take longer. Considering yourself in the current situation you are in, trust me, it will hurt even more because you are stuck with him 24/7 in Australia for at least another 6 more months or so.
Look back, Steffi. what happened to you when you're in singapore. when you're in NUS. You wouldnt want the same thing to happen again, don't you. Priortized your things. Set out your mind and heart to do things right. Don't fall at the same spot again. You've already fell once, the price you paid was great enough. Don't make the same mistake again. You just have to keep reminding yourself about this. Why did you go to Australia to study? What did you promise your father? What have you promised yourself to do when you have decided to go to Australia to study? This is the kind of thoughts you should start with first. Affirm yourself that you are there for some serious business and not for play. Find it. Find it back the determination that you have before setting out on this. I believe you can :)
You know, many things happened and that cannot be avoided. What is done, cannot be undone. So no use crying over split milk. What you must do now is to know what you want to do. No use waiting for Ostrich if he cannot give you any confirmation, clarification or an answer to his actions. Waitng will only kill u even more. Time waits for no man. Remember that. Look, Ostriach has NEVER given you any clear answers or plans as to what he has in mind. I know what you are going to say at this time "He told me this and that and this and that" bla bla bla~ Yes, it is true that he TOLD you, but he never DID it. It is just empty promises. Promises and words that he need to tell you so that he could keep you by his side. and if things don't work out well between you and him, his can always falls back on maddie. You know this better than anyone else. So why are you still hanging on to him?
Probably you should ask yourself, why did you even fall for him? his looks? his brains? the way he talks? the way he humours you? or? find out, what exactly make you fall for him. and once you know that, used that as a weapon to make yourself to STOP falling even more for him. Tell him to stop doing it if this is what it takes to make you not waver your determination. Do whatever you need to do to guard yourself. Drifting is definitely not a wise option, because you are going to see him at least for another year and avoiding him would be tiring. But then again, there are always many solutions to one problem. it is just looking at things from different point of view.
I wouldnt ask you to jump straight into the conclusion that he is playing you. if you cannot do it face to face, then ask him over the phone. no point doing it over sms or msn, because u need to hear what he says and read him off from there. like his tone, his actions, the way he talks. msn and sms-es hides every ounce of these feelings. Stay calm. Cool you head. Slow down your heartbeat. Imagine that you are going for a perfect game and this is your last shot :) I know you're going to say that this is random but bowling is a game, in this, love is a game too. in fact it is gamble.
Just so you know, guys would always give you answers like "i really don't know" "maybe" "probably" "i am not sure"and bla bla bla bla...so to avoid this aimless talk and not to waste anymore of your precious time. tell him to answer you either a YES or a NO to the questions u asked. and forbid himto say all the above mention. trust me, when they give this kinda half-assed ans, it just makes you even more irritated and annoyed than you already have. And in order to do that, first you must know what you want to achieve out from the talk. What is it that you want to find out from Ostrich. For example, whether if he loves you? whether if he has the intention to get back with maddie? whether is he going to stick thru think and thin with you? what are his intentions and plans? and from there, once you know your objectives, work out your questions for him. That's how things should go for guys like Ostrich who cannot give you a definite answer. and if he really pissed you off, you can always chop it off. his little brother.
Steffi, so you should stop assuming things based on what you have read on other pple's blog or facebook. Although it may be true about your assumptions. but it would be best if you get the direct answer and hear it straight out from him.
AND AND AND, you know he is a sweet talker and that sweet talk you out of it. so you must first know his tactics and then you must know how to break it. it is easier said than done. but this really really only based on your will power. only on your will power. how strong u can be in your mental. it is a fight u must take. but also, you must warn yourself of the consequences. brace it. accept it. and learn to live with it. you will do fine :)
If you need to cry, don't every do it infront of him because at the very least you need to protect your pride and dignity. but my advice would be DON'T CRY! but knowing you, you probably would cry for one night and then recover the nexy day and then when u see him again and he sweet talk you again, you will cry again for another night. It takes courage to cry, i know. but it also takes a certain amount of determination not to and that is the first step to being strong.
So, anything goes wrong and really needed to talk. you can always call me. although phone bills is going to accelerate but once in a while, i'm alright with it.
Stay strong, steffi!
I saw your messages on facebook and i already replied to almost every single one of them. just in case if anything happens again and i happened to be not online, i know u would always refer to my blog and that's why here i am blogging to help you. at least i hope i did.
Seriously, based on what you told me from day 1 till now about you and Ostrich (*** sorry i had to call him that but he really fits into that description flawlessly***) I don't know if he is even serious about being together with you. I can understand that he needs some time but this is dragging on a little bit too long. trust me, the longer this drags, the one ended up getting all injured with wounds would be yourself. You should know this better than I do. Physical wounds may recover but emotional wounds would take longer. Considering yourself in the current situation you are in, trust me, it will hurt even more because you are stuck with him 24/7 in Australia for at least another 6 more months or so.
Look back, Steffi. what happened to you when you're in singapore. when you're in NUS. You wouldnt want the same thing to happen again, don't you. Priortized your things. Set out your mind and heart to do things right. Don't fall at the same spot again. You've already fell once, the price you paid was great enough. Don't make the same mistake again. You just have to keep reminding yourself about this. Why did you go to Australia to study? What did you promise your father? What have you promised yourself to do when you have decided to go to Australia to study? This is the kind of thoughts you should start with first. Affirm yourself that you are there for some serious business and not for play. Find it. Find it back the determination that you have before setting out on this. I believe you can :)
You know, many things happened and that cannot be avoided. What is done, cannot be undone. So no use crying over split milk. What you must do now is to know what you want to do. No use waiting for Ostrich if he cannot give you any confirmation, clarification or an answer to his actions. Waitng will only kill u even more. Time waits for no man. Remember that. Look, Ostriach has NEVER given you any clear answers or plans as to what he has in mind. I know what you are going to say at this time "He told me this and that and this and that" bla bla bla~ Yes, it is true that he TOLD you, but he never DID it. It is just empty promises. Promises and words that he need to tell you so that he could keep you by his side. and if things don't work out well between you and him, his can always falls back on maddie. You know this better than anyone else. So why are you still hanging on to him?
Probably you should ask yourself, why did you even fall for him? his looks? his brains? the way he talks? the way he humours you? or? find out, what exactly make you fall for him. and once you know that, used that as a weapon to make yourself to STOP falling even more for him. Tell him to stop doing it if this is what it takes to make you not waver your determination. Do whatever you need to do to guard yourself. Drifting is definitely not a wise option, because you are going to see him at least for another year and avoiding him would be tiring. But then again, there are always many solutions to one problem. it is just looking at things from different point of view.
I wouldnt ask you to jump straight into the conclusion that he is playing you. if you cannot do it face to face, then ask him over the phone. no point doing it over sms or msn, because u need to hear what he says and read him off from there. like his tone, his actions, the way he talks. msn and sms-es hides every ounce of these feelings. Stay calm. Cool you head. Slow down your heartbeat. Imagine that you are going for a perfect game and this is your last shot :) I know you're going to say that this is random but bowling is a game, in this, love is a game too. in fact it is gamble.
Just so you know, guys would always give you answers like "i really don't know" "maybe" "probably" "i am not sure"and bla bla bla bla...so to avoid this aimless talk and not to waste anymore of your precious time. tell him to answer you either a YES or a NO to the questions u asked. and forbid himto say all the above mention. trust me, when they give this kinda half-assed ans, it just makes you even more irritated and annoyed than you already have. And in order to do that, first you must know what you want to achieve out from the talk. What is it that you want to find out from Ostrich. For example, whether if he loves you? whether if he has the intention to get back with maddie? whether is he going to stick thru think and thin with you? what are his intentions and plans? and from there, once you know your objectives, work out your questions for him. That's how things should go for guys like Ostrich who cannot give you a definite answer. and if he really pissed you off, you can always chop it off. his little brother.
Steffi, so you should stop assuming things based on what you have read on other pple's blog or facebook. Although it may be true about your assumptions. but it would be best if you get the direct answer and hear it straight out from him.
AND AND AND, you know he is a sweet talker and that sweet talk you out of it. so you must first know his tactics and then you must know how to break it. it is easier said than done. but this really really only based on your will power. only on your will power. how strong u can be in your mental. it is a fight u must take. but also, you must warn yourself of the consequences. brace it. accept it. and learn to live with it. you will do fine :)
If you need to cry, don't every do it infront of him because at the very least you need to protect your pride and dignity. but my advice would be DON'T CRY! but knowing you, you probably would cry for one night and then recover the nexy day and then when u see him again and he sweet talk you again, you will cry again for another night. It takes courage to cry, i know. but it also takes a certain amount of determination not to and that is the first step to being strong.
So, anything goes wrong and really needed to talk. you can always call me. although phone bills is going to accelerate but once in a while, i'm alright with it.
Stay strong, steffi!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Story Goes On...
*sigh*
what a way to start a post for the day. but. that was what i did before i start typing.
where should i start? no idea. thinking back, this is the first time i have caught myself in such a complicated situation and i know it is affecting me even in the slightest possible way. exams are really coming and i dont want it to be the reason why i will not be able to de well. i know myself too well, so that's why drastic measures are needed. to save myself from drowning.
i like to procrastinate and with this thing going on, it accelerate my procrastination process which is bad for my concentration since to start with, i have very short attention spent on studies. so i need to stop this earlier to give myself some time to recover and get back on track. i just need time. that's all. but. i'm always running out of time. wonder why.
i hope that i made the right decisions today. i wont further elaborate and so dun bother asking me because i am so lazy to talk about it. i hestitated a bit. and was searching for my source of encouragement. i have thought of various ways and approaches but at the end of the day i can only come with one conclusion. i bet i killed a lot of brain cells. anyway. it's worth it.
of course my only source of encouragement is to assure myself that this is for the best and to affirm my decision.guess what, it is through facebook. like i've said, it is device that does wonders. photos is always the best evidence available because seeing is believing. i make sure to lock those images in my head so that i wont get sweep away.
*sigh*
i felt bad. but. there's really nothing much i can do about it. so much of gossiping about others, i dont want to see myself in their position. that's depressing. letting go is always the best option. although it is easier said than done. but i'm already used to it. i have trained myself well to deal with this professionally.
i just wish i could lose some parts of my memory sometimes. so people, being forgetful sometimes, can be a good thing. but. people like me, who is very kinestatic and has very good photographic memory. forgetting it is hard.
*sigh*
if u cant win them, you join them. so if i cant forget them, i just have to accept them. this is to make life easy.
*sigh*
i'm tired. going to bed. i don't even know what i'm blogging tonight. readers, do u understand what i'm typing? if u do, awesome. if you dont, its normal.
what a way to start a post for the day. but. that was what i did before i start typing.
where should i start? no idea. thinking back, this is the first time i have caught myself in such a complicated situation and i know it is affecting me even in the slightest possible way. exams are really coming and i dont want it to be the reason why i will not be able to de well. i know myself too well, so that's why drastic measures are needed. to save myself from drowning.
i like to procrastinate and with this thing going on, it accelerate my procrastination process which is bad for my concentration since to start with, i have very short attention spent on studies. so i need to stop this earlier to give myself some time to recover and get back on track. i just need time. that's all. but. i'm always running out of time. wonder why.
i hope that i made the right decisions today. i wont further elaborate and so dun bother asking me because i am so lazy to talk about it. i hestitated a bit. and was searching for my source of encouragement. i have thought of various ways and approaches but at the end of the day i can only come with one conclusion. i bet i killed a lot of brain cells. anyway. it's worth it.
of course my only source of encouragement is to assure myself that this is for the best and to affirm my decision.guess what, it is through facebook. like i've said, it is device that does wonders. photos is always the best evidence available because seeing is believing. i make sure to lock those images in my head so that i wont get sweep away.
*sigh*
i felt bad. but. there's really nothing much i can do about it. so much of gossiping about others, i dont want to see myself in their position. that's depressing. letting go is always the best option. although it is easier said than done. but i'm already used to it. i have trained myself well to deal with this professionally.
i just wish i could lose some parts of my memory sometimes. so people, being forgetful sometimes, can be a good thing. but. people like me, who is very kinestatic and has very good photographic memory. forgetting it is hard.
*sigh*
if u cant win them, you join them. so if i cant forget them, i just have to accept them. this is to make life easy.
*sigh*
i'm tired. going to bed. i don't even know what i'm blogging tonight. readers, do u understand what i'm typing? if u do, awesome. if you dont, its normal.
Friday, February 19, 2010
What's now
dear fifi msn me at like 2am and told me that he bf lied to her with photos from his ex on his ex's facebook wall. so you see, facebook is a device that acts as a weapon and sometimes a shield. however that latter one is not very often. see what internet can do? it does wonders.
she is like an erupted volcano that i think can at least kill more than 1,000km radius, of people around her. but you cant blame her that she flares up like that. basically her bf lied and he told a very big lie that even if he jumps into the yellow river, it cant prove his innocence. seriously, i cant really tell if fifi or her bf is at fault.
to think abt it again, if her bf can cheat on his ex to be together with her, it shows that he would prob do the same to her right? and i know fifi must have prepared herself for this and that's why she never gave 100% of her heart to him. at the end of the day, there is no one except yourself to protect your own heart. and there's just so little that she can do because that faggot is already on his way to australia. what a smart move. but he better be prepared to face the typhoon later.
when this happens to her, it rings a bell in me that i have to reflect on myself too. just so you know, i'm caught in a very difficult position and a little more complicated than fifi's. at least hers is clear cut. which makes things so much easier to handle. that's what i think at the very least. but again, when it comes to the heart, things can never be any where simpler.
maybe i shld start to look into this whole damn thing again and really carefully consider every aspects on possibilities and probabilities. economics and stats may not be my strongest module but i can get thru it pretty alright. so prob it is time for me to apply the correct equation to the problems to find the best fit answer.
if u ask will everything be fine? of course it does since time has always been the best medicine around since ages ago but at the same time, it is the most bitter medicine too. so i should start to buckle up and brace myself. having saying all that, i know that fifi prob knew that something like this is going to happen sooner or later. just like how i know what the outcome is going to be. it's a matter of sooner or later.
according to the "art of war", to fight a battle, you must end it fast and swift to prevent more casualties because as the fight drags longer, the more people will get hurt.
so u see, it is all prob the right time now. i guess. it is just choosing the best tactics for this.
steffi, u know what u must do right. at least do those things that u know u have to know and must find out. from there, your picture will be clearer and your view will be better and u will be able to make a better decision.
life's like this :)
she is like an erupted volcano that i think can at least kill more than 1,000km radius, of people around her. but you cant blame her that she flares up like that. basically her bf lied and he told a very big lie that even if he jumps into the yellow river, it cant prove his innocence. seriously, i cant really tell if fifi or her bf is at fault.
to think abt it again, if her bf can cheat on his ex to be together with her, it shows that he would prob do the same to her right? and i know fifi must have prepared herself for this and that's why she never gave 100% of her heart to him. at the end of the day, there is no one except yourself to protect your own heart. and there's just so little that she can do because that faggot is already on his way to australia. what a smart move. but he better be prepared to face the typhoon later.
when this happens to her, it rings a bell in me that i have to reflect on myself too. just so you know, i'm caught in a very difficult position and a little more complicated than fifi's. at least hers is clear cut. which makes things so much easier to handle. that's what i think at the very least. but again, when it comes to the heart, things can never be any where simpler.
maybe i shld start to look into this whole damn thing again and really carefully consider every aspects on possibilities and probabilities. economics and stats may not be my strongest module but i can get thru it pretty alright. so prob it is time for me to apply the correct equation to the problems to find the best fit answer.
if u ask will everything be fine? of course it does since time has always been the best medicine around since ages ago but at the same time, it is the most bitter medicine too. so i should start to buckle up and brace myself. having saying all that, i know that fifi prob knew that something like this is going to happen sooner or later. just like how i know what the outcome is going to be. it's a matter of sooner or later.
according to the "art of war", to fight a battle, you must end it fast and swift to prevent more casualties because as the fight drags longer, the more people will get hurt.
so u see, it is all prob the right time now. i guess. it is just choosing the best tactics for this.
steffi, u know what u must do right. at least do those things that u know u have to know and must find out. from there, your picture will be clearer and your view will be better and u will be able to make a better decision.
life's like this :)
the white clouds just passes by~
over the clear blue sky~
what was left behind
is the dark grey clouds
that is going to fill the sky
between risk and opportunity
like a fine line, a fine thread
that comes a consequence
like a thunderstorm~
a shelter for sun and rain
build with confidence and faith
to prepare for any disasters
as tough as the hardest rock
this is it.
soon.
after the storm, comes a calm.
a rainbow for joy.
for a smile.
over the clear blue sky~
what was left behind
is the dark grey clouds
that is going to fill the sky
between risk and opportunity
like a fine line, a fine thread
that comes a consequence
like a thunderstorm~
a shelter for sun and rain
build with confidence and faith
to prepare for any disasters
as tough as the hardest rock
this is it.
soon.
after the storm, comes a calm.
a rainbow for joy.
for a smile.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Hokkaido, Japan
Finally after 4 days i have managed to connect to the internet. Actually this current hotel that i am staying in, Sapporo Grand Hotel, has free internet access and i am already staying here since last night but because i have no idea how to connect the cable, so i did not access to the internet until today when i asked Ronnie (uncle Albert's son) to help me with the connection since he is a pro in this area. lol. he is damn awesome. i took like more than 45 minutes to connect but failed and he didnt even take more than 45 secs. omg.
Over in Hokkaido is always so damn cold. all the time it is always like minus 10 to 12 degrees or sometimes even lower. For the past 4 days, I have experienced probably like 7 times of snowing. Like REALLY SNOWING. Surprisingly, when it snows it is not as cold as when it doesnt. Trust me, the first thing you have in mind is that, you pray that the wind dont blow. if it does, your cheeks and nose would probably be frozen. My fingers and toes are, most of the times, numb and cold. At times like this, i wish i was in Singapore, but after seeing the beautiful scenery, I dont wanna go back anymore. LOL. but oh well, I'm coming back on the 16th. that's sad.
These time round, the experience i have is very much different from the one i had last year. Because it is nearing to valentine, there are more activites and more events to enjoy. there are like chocolates everywhere, which is damn freaking awesome, and also many cute ice scultures. omg, these sculptures are really damn amazing. you can view the photos on my fb. damn fantastic. the food here is superb. although their miso is not as delicious as the ones i had in the other part of hokkaido, but the ramen and everything else is even more awesome. omg. i think i have put on weight ever since i arrived here. i cant stop eating. chocolates, cakes, ramen, rice, miso, biscuits and tidbits. damn, i love the hot cocoa here from the vending machine.
Also, there are so many interesting and funny moments when my dad and uncle albert (the old man) having a conversation. just like when we were in Nepal, they are a comedy pair. They really made my day. lol. also, my dad slipped and fell in a slow motion when we went to the sulphur valley. it was so funny that i couldnt stop laughing for like 10 minutes. and uncle albert was in front of my dad and he was afriad that my dad would domino him. lol. was damn freaking funny since i was at the back and saw the entire view. also, there is this cute and adorable baby, kai xuan, which is very tempremental but really cute. she only knows how to say "nooo" and "scareeee" hahaha....super cute. i would have kidnap her and yi kai (the one who went with us to Nepal) anyway, she is only 18 months old.
We bought food, musical box (my mum bought it for me as a present), cups and chopsticks. the cups here are really amazingly nice. i couldnt help it and bought 3 cups. one for myself, my mum and dad. awesome bo! awesome right! but i bought 4 pairs of chopsticks, 2 of them are mine :) anyway it's my dad's money....hahahahah....
There are no handsome guys here but more old peh pehs. hotspring is wonderful and i even went to the open air public bath. so i was dipping myself in the hotsprings with snow moutains as my surrounding. cold air and hot water, best combination ever. it is really what we always say as "enjoying life" the open air bath is really a whole new world of experience.
Well, there's not much shopping but more of sight-seeing and that's more than enough. i really love it here although it is cold, but it is damn awesome.
I am leaving to Tokyo tomorrow and I will only reach Singapore on the 16th at 1230 MIDNIGHT! OMFG, that's late. actually it shouldnt be considered as 16th but 17th instead since it already pass 12 midnight but oh well it doesnt matter. i am looking forward to shabu on the 17th with my besties!!! STEFFI I AM COMING HOME SOON! wait for me!
anyway, got to pack my stuff le..super busy and tired.
TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!
love you guys :)
siewmei, i bet u miss me right..lol :)
Over in Hokkaido is always so damn cold. all the time it is always like minus 10 to 12 degrees or sometimes even lower. For the past 4 days, I have experienced probably like 7 times of snowing. Like REALLY SNOWING. Surprisingly, when it snows it is not as cold as when it doesnt. Trust me, the first thing you have in mind is that, you pray that the wind dont blow. if it does, your cheeks and nose would probably be frozen. My fingers and toes are, most of the times, numb and cold. At times like this, i wish i was in Singapore, but after seeing the beautiful scenery, I dont wanna go back anymore. LOL. but oh well, I'm coming back on the 16th. that's sad.
These time round, the experience i have is very much different from the one i had last year. Because it is nearing to valentine, there are more activites and more events to enjoy. there are like chocolates everywhere, which is damn freaking awesome, and also many cute ice scultures. omg, these sculptures are really damn amazing. you can view the photos on my fb. damn fantastic. the food here is superb. although their miso is not as delicious as the ones i had in the other part of hokkaido, but the ramen and everything else is even more awesome. omg. i think i have put on weight ever since i arrived here. i cant stop eating. chocolates, cakes, ramen, rice, miso, biscuits and tidbits. damn, i love the hot cocoa here from the vending machine.
Also, there are so many interesting and funny moments when my dad and uncle albert (the old man) having a conversation. just like when we were in Nepal, they are a comedy pair. They really made my day. lol. also, my dad slipped and fell in a slow motion when we went to the sulphur valley. it was so funny that i couldnt stop laughing for like 10 minutes. and uncle albert was in front of my dad and he was afriad that my dad would domino him. lol. was damn freaking funny since i was at the back and saw the entire view. also, there is this cute and adorable baby, kai xuan, which is very tempremental but really cute. she only knows how to say "nooo" and "scareeee" hahaha....super cute. i would have kidnap her and yi kai (the one who went with us to Nepal) anyway, she is only 18 months old.
We bought food, musical box (my mum bought it for me as a present), cups and chopsticks. the cups here are really amazingly nice. i couldnt help it and bought 3 cups. one for myself, my mum and dad. awesome bo! awesome right! but i bought 4 pairs of chopsticks, 2 of them are mine :) anyway it's my dad's money....hahahahah....
There are no handsome guys here but more old peh pehs. hotspring is wonderful and i even went to the open air public bath. so i was dipping myself in the hotsprings with snow moutains as my surrounding. cold air and hot water, best combination ever. it is really what we always say as "enjoying life" the open air bath is really a whole new world of experience.
Well, there's not much shopping but more of sight-seeing and that's more than enough. i really love it here although it is cold, but it is damn awesome.
I am leaving to Tokyo tomorrow and I will only reach Singapore on the 16th at 1230 MIDNIGHT! OMFG, that's late. actually it shouldnt be considered as 16th but 17th instead since it already pass 12 midnight but oh well it doesnt matter. i am looking forward to shabu on the 17th with my besties!!! STEFFI I AM COMING HOME SOON! wait for me!
anyway, got to pack my stuff le..super busy and tired.
TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!
love you guys :)
siewmei, i bet u miss me right..lol :)
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Secret Happiness
Guess what, today my jumpstart student (12months to 23months old), gave me a chinese new year goodies bag!!!!!! he is soooooo sweet and adorable....too bad today is his last lesson :( so sad...when he is soooooo cute and lovable...omg...he brightens up my long and tiring day...i'm gonna miss him...anyway, that goodies bag only has mini oranges. but it is good enough :)
I will go back home and take a picture :)
I will go back home and take a picture :)
When The Sky is Clear
Looking back, i have never regretted working in this small, comfortable and cozy music school. although i always complain about the work load at times, this is just part and parcel of my job scope so there isn't anything i can do about it either. Anyway, since i am going to convert back to part time, there is no need for me to carry that much responsibility anymore. It is time i hand it over to another committed, long term staff for Parkway.
Just like any other saturdays, i will observe the people who walks in and out of the school. some of very familiar faces, so rather new. and with this, i look at how the discipline their children and how the teachers tackle younger students. let me tell you, it is a very challenging task to deal with young children. i'm not very good at it myself, but they will always talk to me about things i can never understand. basically, the langauge they used is what we call the toddler's language. apparently, only their parents will understand them.
Out of all, there is always this particular student i always noticed and i thought that the parents must have brought them up well. She comes for lessons at 10am every saturday and without fail, her oldest brother would always bring her for lessons and when the lesson finishes, he would picks her up. He helps her carry her school bag, water bottle and then patiently waits for his sister to takes off her shoes before going into class. A very gentle boy and i always tease him as usual by telling him "you're such a good brother!" and he blushes while walking out. And today, he came and told me "i am not authorised to sign any documents for the school on behalf of my parents or sister" i laughed. told him that i wouldnt make him sign his life away for nothing and those documents that i had him signed, are just merely for paperwork, not anything important. He is so funny. but oh well, after this month i wouldn't see that student again because they are leaving and so am i :)
Leaving for Hokkaido this coming tuesday and only last night that i finally know what time flight i am taking. need to pack my things by monday. but oh well, maybe i will pack them on sunday instead. since i am taking the night flight, i will be a good student and attend my morning audit class on tuesday. at least i didn't miss out too much for audit and tuesday is the last lesson for this month before we go on our study break. i am so going to miss my studies. ***like real. -_-
This month is like another hectic month. Chinese New Year is here, Gerard's place is gonna be another gambling den and i hope not to see myself at his house gambling. I should be studying instead just so you know. and that THAM STEFFI is going back to AUSTRALIA on the 20th FEB! damn, i'm gonna miss her though. HEARD THAT BABE! but oh well, if Gerard and Daryl are to confirm going to Australia in June, i'll probably be able to tour around with them and maybe i will drop by Canberra to visit Steffi and so, STEFFI! be prepared that i may need to stay in your hostel and bring me around k?
Anyway, leaving all the fun aside, i need to buckle up and start studying. ggxx. after my trip, i'd better get all my thoughts and plans collected and start my engine even though it runs on diesel. omg. i cannot afford to flunk my final year and damn i need to find a job soon. if not i have do not have enough pocket money. sobz. g game. crazy month isn't it? tell me about it man.
i better sign off soon. working now :)
Just like any other saturdays, i will observe the people who walks in and out of the school. some of very familiar faces, so rather new. and with this, i look at how the discipline their children and how the teachers tackle younger students. let me tell you, it is a very challenging task to deal with young children. i'm not very good at it myself, but they will always talk to me about things i can never understand. basically, the langauge they used is what we call the toddler's language. apparently, only their parents will understand them.
Out of all, there is always this particular student i always noticed and i thought that the parents must have brought them up well. She comes for lessons at 10am every saturday and without fail, her oldest brother would always bring her for lessons and when the lesson finishes, he would picks her up. He helps her carry her school bag, water bottle and then patiently waits for his sister to takes off her shoes before going into class. A very gentle boy and i always tease him as usual by telling him "you're such a good brother!" and he blushes while walking out. And today, he came and told me "i am not authorised to sign any documents for the school on behalf of my parents or sister" i laughed. told him that i wouldnt make him sign his life away for nothing and those documents that i had him signed, are just merely for paperwork, not anything important. He is so funny. but oh well, after this month i wouldn't see that student again because they are leaving and so am i :)
Leaving for Hokkaido this coming tuesday and only last night that i finally know what time flight i am taking. need to pack my things by monday. but oh well, maybe i will pack them on sunday instead. since i am taking the night flight, i will be a good student and attend my morning audit class on tuesday. at least i didn't miss out too much for audit and tuesday is the last lesson for this month before we go on our study break. i am so going to miss my studies. ***like real. -_-
This month is like another hectic month. Chinese New Year is here, Gerard's place is gonna be another gambling den and i hope not to see myself at his house gambling. I should be studying instead just so you know. and that THAM STEFFI is going back to AUSTRALIA on the 20th FEB! damn, i'm gonna miss her though. HEARD THAT BABE! but oh well, if Gerard and Daryl are to confirm going to Australia in June, i'll probably be able to tour around with them and maybe i will drop by Canberra to visit Steffi and so, STEFFI! be prepared that i may need to stay in your hostel and bring me around k?
Anyway, leaving all the fun aside, i need to buckle up and start studying. ggxx. after my trip, i'd better get all my thoughts and plans collected and start my engine even though it runs on diesel. omg. i cannot afford to flunk my final year and damn i need to find a job soon. if not i have do not have enough pocket money. sobz. g game. crazy month isn't it? tell me about it man.
i better sign off soon. working now :)
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Bla Bla Bla~~~
Yea yea yea, okay i know i know so stop reminding me people. exams are around the corner and guess what, i did not even do my tutorials and essays let alone to flip through my notes to start my revision. ggxx. i know how screwed i am now so stop stressing me any further. besides it is a super challenging task to match siewmei's, maylou's and my schedules together to find common days for group study. we are all so busy with work and the both them with their boyfriends. -_-''
Siewmei says she is gonna come out with some spreadsheet thingy for the 3 of us so that we could come together to study. awesome! and also, maylou told me the other day she has already started studying. zomg. and just a few days ago i discovered from my classmates, they have ALL started their REVISION! omg. and so, what am i doing here, at seimpi school of music, working my ass off for? well, for my pocket money obviously :) smiles. but still, studies are important. yea boy, i need to buck up.
the first step to get me into this is to find my source of motivation, which obviously is something i did not have at the first place for studies, and also self discipline which is also something really challenging for me. there are too many temptations around, like sleep, manga, animes, eat and maybe to chill out with friends. all these are never ending. *sigh*
so the morale of the story is, i need to start studying real soon. at first i was thinking of starting after chinese new year, but it is not quite possible given my current situation and because i am just tooooooo lazy to dooooo anything. argh! where's my drive?!?!?!? still finding still finding..
alright, i will go home and study after work today.
awesome.
Siewmei says she is gonna come out with some spreadsheet thingy for the 3 of us so that we could come together to study. awesome! and also, maylou told me the other day she has already started studying. zomg. and just a few days ago i discovered from my classmates, they have ALL started their REVISION! omg. and so, what am i doing here, at seimpi school of music, working my ass off for? well, for my pocket money obviously :) smiles. but still, studies are important. yea boy, i need to buck up.
the first step to get me into this is to find my source of motivation, which obviously is something i did not have at the first place for studies, and also self discipline which is also something really challenging for me. there are too many temptations around, like sleep, manga, animes, eat and maybe to chill out with friends. all these are never ending. *sigh*
so the morale of the story is, i need to start studying real soon. at first i was thinking of starting after chinese new year, but it is not quite possible given my current situation and because i am just tooooooo lazy to dooooo anything. argh! where's my drive?!?!?!? still finding still finding..
alright, i will go home and study after work today.
awesome.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Some things
It has been donkey years since I last went to a movie with my PARENTS! awesome right. I know. The last time I watched a movie with the both of them (according to my dad) was when I was oly 2 years old. Tell me, how am I supposed to remember something like that?! OMG, I was only 2 years old darling.
The only time I could remember going to a movie with my mother was when I was in primary school. Very certain but don't know which year was it. The movie we wateched was Lion King, the Pride Rock. Awesome! Up till now, I still love that movie. I can recite the entire plot for you at the back of my memory. If only I put that into my studies, I would have been a scholar. yea right!
We are going to watch Avatar 3D and even though I have already watched this show with Steffi, weewee and the others, I still wanna watch it again. Of course the other time I watched 2d because 3D ran out of seats. Besides, my dad is sponsoring my movie ticket for today, so why not! **Smiles**
Anyway, we are going to downtown east to catch a 950pm show and my dad did not know that we could book online. He is a moutain tortise but that what makes him funny and it is so like my dad. SO CUTE!!! yea right....my backside.
So the show is gonna end around say 1am?! and i need to work tomorrow morning at 830am. Ong She-na, well done. G Game. Some more I still have many issues I need to deal with tomorrow and my sunday teachers have been giving me hell a lot of problems and they have been falling sick for god knows what reason that it may be.
Off I go now to a movie with my parents.
The only time I could remember going to a movie with my mother was when I was in primary school. Very certain but don't know which year was it. The movie we wateched was Lion King, the Pride Rock. Awesome! Up till now, I still love that movie. I can recite the entire plot for you at the back of my memory. If only I put that into my studies, I would have been a scholar. yea right!
We are going to watch Avatar 3D and even though I have already watched this show with Steffi, weewee and the others, I still wanna watch it again. Of course the other time I watched 2d because 3D ran out of seats. Besides, my dad is sponsoring my movie ticket for today, so why not! **Smiles**
Anyway, we are going to downtown east to catch a 950pm show and my dad did not know that we could book online. He is a moutain tortise but that what makes him funny and it is so like my dad. SO CUTE!!! yea right....my backside.
So the show is gonna end around say 1am?! and i need to work tomorrow morning at 830am. Ong She-na, well done. G Game. Some more I still have many issues I need to deal with tomorrow and my sunday teachers have been giving me hell a lot of problems and they have been falling sick for god knows what reason that it may be.
Off I go now to a movie with my parents.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Look Around Me :)
still browsing on his photos and i thought how nice it must have been. and then when i slowly recall, he did told me this plan of his once in his car. his plans to do countdown elsewhere instead of singapore. indeed, he made his dreams come true and of places he choose japan. well, i'm not implying that he cannot go since it is his freedom. but why of all places, his first stop has to be japan. nevermind me. i'm just annoyed. thinking that he just wanted some one or any one to acompany hm to fulfil this dream of his. it was just last year november, after my nepal trip, that he asked me out and he just gotten himself a girlfriend before christmas eve. say, guy changes mind pretty fast isn't it? it just within weeks and he still dare to tell me he would do anything for us to be together. bullcrap. honestly, their words, as sweet as it is, contains more lies than truth in it.
and then after looking at how happy they are and i knew instantly that they are creating happy memories and then i decided to browse through my own photos. i laughed. laugh at my own stupidity and also at those photos. me too, had my fun although it is not that romantic kind of fun but it is the warmth, jokes, laughter, friends, and all those silly things we did, that makes the best out of everything. i know that i am not alone. for the past few days, those times when i thought that i was lonely without you, i was wrong. i wasn't. i had my friends, who stood by me in rough, happy and wild times. these friends, have never once turn me down when i needed them. although they may be busy with the boyfriends and girlfriends or even bowling, studies and work, we still spend our holidays together doing crazy things. from birthdays to gatherings to holiday trip and to festive party, they are always there :) awesome friends i have.
i looked at all those photos and remembered what we all did, i smiled again. thinking back how much laughter they have brought into my life and the bond that we have that can never be shaken easily. well, i have to admit that some of them suffered more from my nonsense and my non-stop grumbling about so many things from bowling to my bitches and to my studies. surprisingly, they have never gotten sick of it and still willingly listens to all my nagging and complains. say, aren't they awesome?! i really love my friends.
after looking at my photos, i looked through my own albums and realised that i had my own adventure too. *so what you have your tokyo adventure* anyway, i have been to places that i really love, for example: JAPAN!!!! although i have to admit that i felt a bit lonel because my dad and mum were like a bit lovey dovey and i don't have siblings to play with and i don't enjoy talking to strangers so i always end up entertaining myself. even though i am already used to entertaining myself since young, but still, it is bored. however i still love it. it is hard for my family to get together often even though it is just the 3 of us and because of my work and studies, my dad's working and golf and my mum's mahjong. it's rare for all of us to travel around especially i am already not young anymore and probably does not enjoy travelling with a family. but hey, i really enjoyed all the times i spent with my family.
and so i know, i am always surronded by wonderful people. shouldnt be too involved in my own feelings for something else. i have enough and have nothing more to ask =)
and then after looking at how happy they are and i knew instantly that they are creating happy memories and then i decided to browse through my own photos. i laughed. laugh at my own stupidity and also at those photos. me too, had my fun although it is not that romantic kind of fun but it is the warmth, jokes, laughter, friends, and all those silly things we did, that makes the best out of everything. i know that i am not alone. for the past few days, those times when i thought that i was lonely without you, i was wrong. i wasn't. i had my friends, who stood by me in rough, happy and wild times. these friends, have never once turn me down when i needed them. although they may be busy with the boyfriends and girlfriends or even bowling, studies and work, we still spend our holidays together doing crazy things. from birthdays to gatherings to holiday trip and to festive party, they are always there :) awesome friends i have.
i looked at all those photos and remembered what we all did, i smiled again. thinking back how much laughter they have brought into my life and the bond that we have that can never be shaken easily. well, i have to admit that some of them suffered more from my nonsense and my non-stop grumbling about so many things from bowling to my bitches and to my studies. surprisingly, they have never gotten sick of it and still willingly listens to all my nagging and complains. say, aren't they awesome?! i really love my friends.
after looking at my photos, i looked through my own albums and realised that i had my own adventure too. *so what you have your tokyo adventure* anyway, i have been to places that i really love, for example: JAPAN!!!! although i have to admit that i felt a bit lonel because my dad and mum were like a bit lovey dovey and i don't have siblings to play with and i don't enjoy talking to strangers so i always end up entertaining myself. even though i am already used to entertaining myself since young, but still, it is bored. however i still love it. it is hard for my family to get together often even though it is just the 3 of us and because of my work and studies, my dad's working and golf and my mum's mahjong. it's rare for all of us to travel around especially i am already not young anymore and probably does not enjoy travelling with a family. but hey, i really enjoyed all the times i spent with my family.
and so i know, i am always surronded by wonderful people. shouldnt be too involved in my own feelings for something else. i have enough and have nothing more to ask =)
Monday, January 18, 2010
Easy going is cool~
Dragged myself off the bed this morning and skipped breakfast all just because of the buffet later at Suntec.
Met up with Siewmei at tamp control station and had a japanese old lady who could speak fluent english asking me for directions. Out of all people in the crowd, she approached me. awesome isn't it. it seems like i always have this "LOOK" that strangers will tend to approach for me to ask for directions and stuff when actually i'm bad in directions myself. and, friends say first impression of my is dao and stuck up, so why are there still people coming to be if i had that scary look? weird.
Whack don't know how many plates of fish paste :) yum yum yum. the fish paste there is my all time favourite. of course there were the mantous, chestnut cake and the nian gao...omg...ggxx super suepr full. had the sense of satisfaction.
when over to PS to do some shopping here and there and bought same stuff for my over-flowing dvds and vcds. damn, need to pack my room soon before mother starts yelling at me since CNY is around the corner. what a chore!
bad news: HOKKAIDO trip may be CANCELLED. because 1. JAL is going bankrupt. 2. not enough people to sign up for the trip. God, do you need to be so cruel to me? I really want to go Japan to enjoy myself and get the freaking out of this country once in a while. Never mind, daddy will tell me the outcome tomorrow.
Good news: i have recovered 4 folders from Siewmei's ext hdd. Awesome shit. But there were some jpegs/photos that i could not open with my laptop. but oh well, at least i knew i recovered some of her movies like 17again or something like that. Alright, will continue the recovery tomorrow since I cannot do the recovery anymore today.
Anyway, took a super long bus ride home from PS. at times like this, i love long bus ride with my ipod on and my mind in a blank. it gives me an excuse to think about many things about the past, present and the future. don't worry, i'm a tough girl. Will get by some how.
Tomorrow will be a freaking long day. Had school from 930am ro 530pm. OMG! and after that worked from 615pm to 915pm. PENGZ. i'm so gonna collapsed tomorrow.
Signing off......
Met up with Siewmei at tamp control station and had a japanese old lady who could speak fluent english asking me for directions. Out of all people in the crowd, she approached me. awesome isn't it. it seems like i always have this "LOOK" that strangers will tend to approach for me to ask for directions and stuff when actually i'm bad in directions myself. and, friends say first impression of my is dao and stuck up, so why are there still people coming to be if i had that scary look? weird.
Whack don't know how many plates of fish paste :) yum yum yum. the fish paste there is my all time favourite. of course there were the mantous, chestnut cake and the nian gao...omg...ggxx super suepr full. had the sense of satisfaction.
when over to PS to do some shopping here and there and bought same stuff for my over-flowing dvds and vcds. damn, need to pack my room soon before mother starts yelling at me since CNY is around the corner. what a chore!
bad news: HOKKAIDO trip may be CANCELLED. because 1. JAL is going bankrupt. 2. not enough people to sign up for the trip. God, do you need to be so cruel to me? I really want to go Japan to enjoy myself and get the freaking out of this country once in a while. Never mind, daddy will tell me the outcome tomorrow.
Good news: i have recovered 4 folders from Siewmei's ext hdd. Awesome shit. But there were some jpegs/photos that i could not open with my laptop. but oh well, at least i knew i recovered some of her movies like 17again or something like that. Alright, will continue the recovery tomorrow since I cannot do the recovery anymore today.
Anyway, took a super long bus ride home from PS. at times like this, i love long bus ride with my ipod on and my mind in a blank. it gives me an excuse to think about many things about the past, present and the future. don't worry, i'm a tough girl. Will get by some how.
Tomorrow will be a freaking long day. Had school from 930am ro 530pm. OMG! and after that worked from 615pm to 915pm. PENGZ. i'm so gonna collapsed tomorrow.
Signing off......
Sometimes...
A very bad habit of mine, i would just click on his profile on facebook to check out what is he doing and how is everything. not too sure by doing so what is that i want to find out. sometimes i asked myself, why bother checking up on him? but i have never honestly answered my own question and even till today i clearly know that i am always running away.
i'm not going to say that i envy them now and i'm not going to say that i regretted not taking his hand back then. but, i cannot deny that my heart is aching. why? i don't know. i wish i know. put it this way, i want to know too. it is easy to read others and understand what others are thinking, but i guess at the end of the day, the only person you don't really know is yourself. for me, i guess it is this way for me.
he is now with this quite sweet looking girl who seems to really loves him a lot and he seems to love her a lot too. good for them and that was what i have always wished for. hoping that everything would end between us since long ago. but then, why is my heart still aching. maybe because it's the time of the month and i'm feeling emo again.
i saw his pictures and they are travelling around tokyo, japan for new year count down. sweet. it is something he would do since he is the romantic type of person and he always has a glib tongue and somehow or rather you would end up following whatever he says. perhaps, that was one of the reasons why i would agree to date him back then.
looking back, perhaps he was my first love. from that very day when he asked me out and listening to his dreams and wishes, i knew that this man will be a successful man in the future. he's smart, not too bad looking and he has everything a girl may want, an ideal partner but somehow ever since then i have always doubted him.
apparently back then everything is not serious at all. probably i was the only one who fell quite deep for it but that is what a player is good at isn't it? he left me for another girl whom happens to be one of my good friend. he hops from girls to girls and you could guess how many girls' heart he has broken and how many i don't know if he ever tried to fix them.
did i really lose him for good? i really don't know man. i wish he could tell me that he was just playing around so that i could at least bury this and so i will never have this habit of looking at his fb pofile. thinking back, probably he was the caused why i don't really trusts guys even till now, always guarding my heart so that i won't walk into the same situation again.
when browsing through his photos, i wondered what if i have taken his hand back then, he girl standing there now would it still be her or me? or would it be, 10 years down and he who's a player and wil hurt this girl now like what he did in the past, and will i, still be thinking, what if 10 years down, that person who will be hurt would still be her or me?
i hope that this all nonsense are just becases it is the time of the month and i'm just having some terrible mood swing. wake up tomorrow and forget about everything. sometimes, having a short term memory may be a good thing. take my memories away, so that i dun have to remember how it feels. Also, all the promises that he made and all those words he said, take it back. it would definitely make me feel better. although he was not the one at fault because it was me who pushed away his hands.
i'm not going to say that i envy them now and i'm not going to say that i regretted not taking his hand back then. but, i cannot deny that my heart is aching. why? i don't know. i wish i know. put it this way, i want to know too. it is easy to read others and understand what others are thinking, but i guess at the end of the day, the only person you don't really know is yourself. for me, i guess it is this way for me.
he is now with this quite sweet looking girl who seems to really loves him a lot and he seems to love her a lot too. good for them and that was what i have always wished for. hoping that everything would end between us since long ago. but then, why is my heart still aching. maybe because it's the time of the month and i'm feeling emo again.
i saw his pictures and they are travelling around tokyo, japan for new year count down. sweet. it is something he would do since he is the romantic type of person and he always has a glib tongue and somehow or rather you would end up following whatever he says. perhaps, that was one of the reasons why i would agree to date him back then.
looking back, perhaps he was my first love. from that very day when he asked me out and listening to his dreams and wishes, i knew that this man will be a successful man in the future. he's smart, not too bad looking and he has everything a girl may want, an ideal partner but somehow ever since then i have always doubted him.
apparently back then everything is not serious at all. probably i was the only one who fell quite deep for it but that is what a player is good at isn't it? he left me for another girl whom happens to be one of my good friend. he hops from girls to girls and you could guess how many girls' heart he has broken and how many i don't know if he ever tried to fix them.
did i really lose him for good? i really don't know man. i wish he could tell me that he was just playing around so that i could at least bury this and so i will never have this habit of looking at his fb pofile. thinking back, probably he was the caused why i don't really trusts guys even till now, always guarding my heart so that i won't walk into the same situation again.
when browsing through his photos, i wondered what if i have taken his hand back then, he girl standing there now would it still be her or me? or would it be, 10 years down and he who's a player and wil hurt this girl now like what he did in the past, and will i, still be thinking, what if 10 years down, that person who will be hurt would still be her or me?
i hope that this all nonsense are just becases it is the time of the month and i'm just having some terrible mood swing. wake up tomorrow and forget about everything. sometimes, having a short term memory may be a good thing. take my memories away, so that i dun have to remember how it feels. Also, all the promises that he made and all those words he said, take it back. it would definitely make me feel better. although he was not the one at fault because it was me who pushed away his hands.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Bad Mood: Do Not Disturb
As the title says, indeed, I am in a freaking bad mood now. Kind Siewmei has lent me her external pink maxtor 250GB external hard drive and now, I am not too sure if I am giving the external hard drive problems, or the other way round. However, I only know that the conculsion is, this is not the ideal situation that I should be in. Fuck it. Seriously, when is wrong with all these complicated devices when they are supposed to make life easier for mankind.
nb. Fucking pissed now. What's worst. when I tried to restart my laptop, there is this whole string of words that only god can understand that and before I knew it, in a few minutes, ALL THE DATA IN SIEWMEI'S HARD DRIVES WENT MISSING!!!! oh yes yes, I am in deep shit now. YES I KNOW SO STOP TELLING ME THAT. oh my fuck, what is wrong my electronic devices these days. If you wanna pms, pick another day you doo doo.
Die.When I tried to open the file using my desktop, only my folder is there and 3/4 of my animes just vanished into thin thin air. Yea, the air is so think it's suffocating. nb. screw it man. Hopefully, god will be nicer to me and please direct me to find the best solution. At least let me recover all the data. I should have back it up. But then again, if I have the memory space to do back up then I wouldn't even need to borrow Siewmei's external hard drive. Well done Ong She-na. Good job man. You are so screwed. Dead Duck.
Once again. Fuck it. Anyway, I have to go back fixing the drives. nb.
later.
nb. Fucking pissed now. What's worst. when I tried to restart my laptop, there is this whole string of words that only god can understand that and before I knew it, in a few minutes, ALL THE DATA IN SIEWMEI'S HARD DRIVES WENT MISSING!!!! oh yes yes, I am in deep shit now. YES I KNOW SO STOP TELLING ME THAT. oh my fuck, what is wrong my electronic devices these days. If you wanna pms, pick another day you doo doo.
Die.When I tried to open the file using my desktop, only my folder is there and 3/4 of my animes just vanished into thin thin air. Yea, the air is so think it's suffocating. nb. screw it man. Hopefully, god will be nicer to me and please direct me to find the best solution. At least let me recover all the data. I should have back it up. But then again, if I have the memory space to do back up then I wouldn't even need to borrow Siewmei's external hard drive. Well done Ong She-na. Good job man. You are so screwed. Dead Duck.
Once again. Fuck it. Anyway, I have to go back fixing the drives. nb.
later.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
It Goes Like This...
Alright, let's say "WELCOME TO 2010!". I know that's a bit too late since it has already been more than a week after we have welcomed the new year some time back.
So with the new year here, there is also a new year resolution. It is only recently that I have decided on my new year resolution and I will try my best to meet my own expectations. *smiles*
Year 2010 Resolution:
1. Pay more attention and not to fall asleep in class. *this is a little challenging because books ain't my best friends at all.
2. Study REAL HARD for my upcoming mock tests in march and exams in may. *i don't wanna repeat another year.
3. Increase Seimpi Parkway student enrolment by 50 students by the end of May. *awesome right? i'm referring to net intake meaning including termination.
4. Get myself a suitable auditing job and free my weekends for rest and play. *not quite possible at the moment but still trying.
5. Lose at least 5kg by the end of the year. *since i've stopped bowling means no more exercising, i'd better watch my weight and figure. besides it's pretty manageable.
6. To learn at least 3 more pieces of new piano songs from my teachers. *i have already conquered [i'll be there by jackson 5]. now attempting [everything i do by bryan adams].
7. Be a nice person. *although i'm always nice :)
I think that's all to it. Maybe I should add something like learning how to cook and etc... but on second thought i'd better not list that down because the probability of me doing that is nearly impossible. The other things is i want to travel. But then again, it is not possible because my schedule is always so tight and i'm always so busy. Having said that, perhaps it is time for me to do some catching up with some of my old friends. It has been a while since i last comunicate with them. Wonder how are they doing now.
It is also time for the few of us to go sentosa for a break, go sing k after harping on it for so long and never once really get it done, go play l4d2 and make a fool of ourselves and probably can hear steffi cursing and swearing, and play mahjong since we have talking about it and it never came true.
exams are coming... are coming... are coming.. exams are coming... and i'm so not nervous. that is not really a good sign. I am getting anxious because i am not anxious about my exams. *sigh* Really need to start to motivate myself a bit more to study harder. She-na Ganbatte! Fighting!
So with the new year here, there is also a new year resolution. It is only recently that I have decided on my new year resolution and I will try my best to meet my own expectations. *smiles*
Year 2010 Resolution:
1. Pay more attention and not to fall asleep in class. *this is a little challenging because books ain't my best friends at all.
2. Study REAL HARD for my upcoming mock tests in march and exams in may. *i don't wanna repeat another year.
3. Increase Seimpi Parkway student enrolment by 50 students by the end of May. *awesome right? i'm referring to net intake meaning including termination.
4. Get myself a suitable auditing job and free my weekends for rest and play. *not quite possible at the moment but still trying.
5. Lose at least 5kg by the end of the year. *since i've stopped bowling means no more exercising, i'd better watch my weight and figure. besides it's pretty manageable.
6. To learn at least 3 more pieces of new piano songs from my teachers. *i have already conquered [i'll be there by jackson 5]. now attempting [everything i do by bryan adams].
7. Be a nice person. *although i'm always nice :)
I think that's all to it. Maybe I should add something like learning how to cook and etc... but on second thought i'd better not list that down because the probability of me doing that is nearly impossible. The other things is i want to travel. But then again, it is not possible because my schedule is always so tight and i'm always so busy. Having said that, perhaps it is time for me to do some catching up with some of my old friends. It has been a while since i last comunicate with them. Wonder how are they doing now.
It is also time for the few of us to go sentosa for a break, go sing k after harping on it for so long and never once really get it done, go play l4d2 and make a fool of ourselves and probably can hear steffi cursing and swearing, and play mahjong since we have talking about it and it never came true.
exams are coming... are coming... are coming.. exams are coming... and i'm so not nervous. that is not really a good sign. I am getting anxious because i am not anxious about my exams. *sigh* Really need to start to motivate myself a bit more to study harder. She-na Ganbatte! Fighting!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Renri no Eda
Manga: Renri no Eda
Genre: Josei, Tragedy, Romance, Drama
Status: Complete
My thoughts:
It has been so long since I last read such a good manga. Although the previous one that I read Cappuccino wasn't too bad as well. Nonetheless, I would say this is one of those mangas that I have read that could touch my heart so much that I cried while reading it. This just shows how awesome this manga is.
Seriously, this turns out better than I have expected. I was quite hestitant on reading it at first but looking at the ratings and it has only 4 chapters, I've decided to give it a try and I didn't regret reading it. It seems and looks so real that I can imagine the feelings the character feels inside me. I really couldnt stop my tears.
Now the storyline. Although it is a japanese artist but the story revolves around koreans. Amazing isn't it?
It talk about this charming playboy who brokes many girls heart, and couldnt stop going after for more girls since many couldnt resist his charm at all. Until this one faithful day, he met this girl at a bustop near a hospital and decided to pick her up.
He tried very hard in his very own ways to win this lady's heart only gradually to find himself falling deeply in love with her. He would do silly things just to make her smile at him. However, no matters how hard he tries, she never gives in and only insists to be friends. But that doesn't make him back down for her really loves her so much.
When he finally got her, the doctor who is in charge of his physical check up after his minor incident, break the news to him that he has a tumor near his heart and his life expectancy is short. He drives him into a corner so bad that he decided to break up with the lady but ended up finding out that she has lung problems and her days are numbered as well.
Despite knowing that their time together is short, the lady cut all contacts with him and even moved out from the hospital she is currently staying so as to avoid seeing him. He who really could not let go of this relationship after knowing his and her's condition, went through great lengths just to see her again. She finally agreed to start a relationship with him
Time is short but he manages to give her everything that she always wanted yet seems to be out of reached. They experienced happy moments and doing crazy things. Until the very end, he could not tell her that he has a tumor and has intended to hide it and to never let her know his condition. Because of his love for her, he does not wants to add on any worries since he has personally experienced how scary can death be and he doesnt want to put her through this again.
However, he never expected that the doctor in charge would break the news to her without him knowing. After she died, she left a telemessage that has preset it to be sent out after she passed away, in the message holds her final words, her feelings, and everything else that she knew and never told him about, including his condition.
That's how the story beautifully ended. It shows not only love between them but also their friends who constantly has been their support until the very end and how important friends are. Its no wonder that there a saying goes "forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest". Indeed, their love is sweet and say yet strong and firm. It is a really recommended manga to read.
Genre: Josei, Tragedy, Romance, Drama
Status: Complete
My thoughts:
It has been so long since I last read such a good manga. Although the previous one that I read Cappuccino wasn't too bad as well. Nonetheless, I would say this is one of those mangas that I have read that could touch my heart so much that I cried while reading it. This just shows how awesome this manga is.
Seriously, this turns out better than I have expected. I was quite hestitant on reading it at first but looking at the ratings and it has only 4 chapters, I've decided to give it a try and I didn't regret reading it. It seems and looks so real that I can imagine the feelings the character feels inside me. I really couldnt stop my tears.
Now the storyline. Although it is a japanese artist but the story revolves around koreans. Amazing isn't it?
It talk about this charming playboy who brokes many girls heart, and couldnt stop going after for more girls since many couldnt resist his charm at all. Until this one faithful day, he met this girl at a bustop near a hospital and decided to pick her up.
He tried very hard in his very own ways to win this lady's heart only gradually to find himself falling deeply in love with her. He would do silly things just to make her smile at him. However, no matters how hard he tries, she never gives in and only insists to be friends. But that doesn't make him back down for her really loves her so much.
When he finally got her, the doctor who is in charge of his physical check up after his minor incident, break the news to him that he has a tumor near his heart and his life expectancy is short. He drives him into a corner so bad that he decided to break up with the lady but ended up finding out that she has lung problems and her days are numbered as well.
Despite knowing that their time together is short, the lady cut all contacts with him and even moved out from the hospital she is currently staying so as to avoid seeing him. He who really could not let go of this relationship after knowing his and her's condition, went through great lengths just to see her again. She finally agreed to start a relationship with him
Time is short but he manages to give her everything that she always wanted yet seems to be out of reached. They experienced happy moments and doing crazy things. Until the very end, he could not tell her that he has a tumor and has intended to hide it and to never let her know his condition. Because of his love for her, he does not wants to add on any worries since he has personally experienced how scary can death be and he doesnt want to put her through this again.
However, he never expected that the doctor in charge would break the news to her without him knowing. After she died, she left a telemessage that has preset it to be sent out after she passed away, in the message holds her final words, her feelings, and everything else that she knew and never told him about, including his condition.
That's how the story beautifully ended. It shows not only love between them but also their friends who constantly has been their support until the very end and how important friends are. Its no wonder that there a saying goes "forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest". Indeed, their love is sweet and say yet strong and firm. It is a really recommended manga to read.
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