Suffocated?! not really, but true enough i have been under the weather lately. i could feel it myself as well. Maybe i just want to lay low for a while but on the other hand, so much so that i want to be left alone, at the same time i want to have some one to accompany. don't ask me why because i don't even have the answers myself.
Manga: Hapi Mari. felt that it was a good manga. talking about life and marriage. well, it seems like the latter does not really apply to me but i feel that i couldnt trust this but also want to have a try. playing with fire, ain't i?
i shall continue to indulge myself with manga and 2d imaginery friend.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
What has become of me?
So many things weighing on my mind. I'm exhausted. Truthfully, I cannot seem to find any drive to do anything, be it for my work, bowling, music or even studies. Wonder where did my motivation went to.
Work, of course is not as smooth sailing as it seems. Recently it seems that I have been making many mistakes here and there. For example coming late by 30mins for work, did not clean my centre properly and that Karen (head of operations) said that Parkway is in a mess and dusty, questioned me how come I did not put up the lyrics for the Christmas prom finale song, questioned my attitude in the morning when I refuse the bring the spoilt metronoume back to Parkway and some more I cannot recall now.
Sandra mentioned something me being proactive in my work or somewhere along that line. Proactice she says. What can i say boy? i cannot really say that i'm right but i also cannot prove her wrong either. Damn, this is work and it is my job to do so. Should i resign now? or stay till June and hit her target to prove her wrong and leaves? But what does that shows? i'm capable? Sandra, you've underestimated me? You've got me all going at your finger tips? Human, just simply creates trouble for themselves. i wish for the world to end now.
But have they ever thought that I went out of my way to collect keys from Siewmei just to open the door at Funan on such short notice? Have they ever considered some times I would willing to help travel from centre to centre just to transfer some books or to collect books? Sometimes, people just take things for granted. Despite having said that, i am not anywhere better off.
Recently old flame just got attached. So much for saying he'll never consider any other girls, at the end of the day, all man are the same. They would always choose the easiest way out. Well i don't blame him and it's not like i love him anyway. Just reflecting. Do i sound like i regretted? oh boy, i don't. it just makes me feel that males, we cannot trust them easily. So sick and tired with them, BUT, i don't swing that way!
Life is short, beautiful yet sad in so many ways. i want to be strong and versatile. i want to prove myself yet at the same time i don't want to show off. i want to lead but also to follow. Say, life is strange isn't it? i went to have a small pep talk with a few of my colleagues, and they told me not to give up and not to feel depressed because of whatever happened in life and work. Everywhere you go, there bound to have problems as such. You can never run away from it.
i'm feeling frustrated now.
Work, of course is not as smooth sailing as it seems. Recently it seems that I have been making many mistakes here and there. For example coming late by 30mins for work, did not clean my centre properly and that Karen (head of operations) said that Parkway is in a mess and dusty, questioned me how come I did not put up the lyrics for the Christmas prom finale song, questioned my attitude in the morning when I refuse the bring the spoilt metronoume back to Parkway and some more I cannot recall now.
Sandra mentioned something me being proactive in my work or somewhere along that line. Proactice she says. What can i say boy? i cannot really say that i'm right but i also cannot prove her wrong either. Damn, this is work and it is my job to do so. Should i resign now? or stay till June and hit her target to prove her wrong and leaves? But what does that shows? i'm capable? Sandra, you've underestimated me? You've got me all going at your finger tips? Human, just simply creates trouble for themselves. i wish for the world to end now.
But have they ever thought that I went out of my way to collect keys from Siewmei just to open the door at Funan on such short notice? Have they ever considered some times I would willing to help travel from centre to centre just to transfer some books or to collect books? Sometimes, people just take things for granted. Despite having said that, i am not anywhere better off.
Recently old flame just got attached. So much for saying he'll never consider any other girls, at the end of the day, all man are the same. They would always choose the easiest way out. Well i don't blame him and it's not like i love him anyway. Just reflecting. Do i sound like i regretted? oh boy, i don't. it just makes me feel that males, we cannot trust them easily. So sick and tired with them, BUT, i don't swing that way!
Life is short, beautiful yet sad in so many ways. i want to be strong and versatile. i want to prove myself yet at the same time i don't want to show off. i want to lead but also to follow. Say, life is strange isn't it? i went to have a small pep talk with a few of my colleagues, and they told me not to give up and not to feel depressed because of whatever happened in life and work. Everywhere you go, there bound to have problems as such. You can never run away from it.
i'm feeling frustrated now.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
End Of The Year Syndrome
Recently, it seems that I have encountered quite a number of people with very weird attitude. Perhaps it is towards the end of the year and everyone's mood is a bit at the low end because of the sudden work load that has been piling up. To be honest, I am equally stressed up as well.
When the month of December it's around the corner, I often experience mixed emotions. I'm happy because it's festive seasons, but on the other hand, work load has doubled and life has been a little miserable especially I have just completed my Half Mock test earlier this week. Also, December means that my final exams are around the corner. Tell me that I'm so dead.
Besides, not too long ago, I had this sudden urge of resigning from my current work. Frankly speaking, this environment that I am working in is really very chaotic. There is not one proper system and sometimes things can really get way out of hand. Some times I really wonder when the management have all the time to find fault with you on small errors, why don't they use this same amount of time to do something more productive?
I am not too sure myself whether in the near future will I be like them. But seriously, I am tired. very tired. Maybe cause I'm getting old. *smiles* But I'm always young at heart. Well, I guess the only way to brighten up my day is to indulge myself with animes and mangas. Speaking about mangas, I am running out of mangas to read. I'm looking for something more touching to the heart. Maybe I should start reading forums.
*Sigh* If I'm really that bored, maybe I should start studying for real. My goodness, I seriously do not wish to flank my final year now that I am already half way there. I need to buckle up and work hard. Like seriously work hard for my study. Afterall, I have more time now since "idiots & Jokers" no longer takes up my time and I really need to fully utilize my precious time.
Time passes by so fast. For those people who always find themselves bored and wants to find something to kill time, please think again, before you knew it, time is actually silently kiling you and not the other way round. Jeez, tell me is this a sign of old age? Probably. *smiles*
Right now, my current situation is that I am standing at a cross road, thinking where and which path should I take. What I really want and I know that I really need more self-discipline. I also need more self-motivation. I hope that one day I could become a millionaire overnight and do all the things that I want. For example, buying an acoustic piano for my leisure learning and also keeping my gu-zheng for a change time to time. I want to have lovely dogs that will always be there for me when I'm sad and also with my parents who will retire and no need to work and enjoy travelling around the world. That's too much of an ideal scenario isn't it? *laugh* But seriously, I want that kind of life. Soon enough I realised that it is not quite possible in Singapore.
Anyway, need to get back to work and damn the CCTV that's going to be watching me for the next 24/7 of my time here and my nightmare will start next tuesday. Life is going to interesting. The first step to believing is having faith.
When the month of December it's around the corner, I often experience mixed emotions. I'm happy because it's festive seasons, but on the other hand, work load has doubled and life has been a little miserable especially I have just completed my Half Mock test earlier this week. Also, December means that my final exams are around the corner. Tell me that I'm so dead.
Besides, not too long ago, I had this sudden urge of resigning from my current work. Frankly speaking, this environment that I am working in is really very chaotic. There is not one proper system and sometimes things can really get way out of hand. Some times I really wonder when the management have all the time to find fault with you on small errors, why don't they use this same amount of time to do something more productive?
I am not too sure myself whether in the near future will I be like them. But seriously, I am tired. very tired. Maybe cause I'm getting old. *smiles* But I'm always young at heart. Well, I guess the only way to brighten up my day is to indulge myself with animes and mangas. Speaking about mangas, I am running out of mangas to read. I'm looking for something more touching to the heart. Maybe I should start reading forums.
*Sigh* If I'm really that bored, maybe I should start studying for real. My goodness, I seriously do not wish to flank my final year now that I am already half way there. I need to buckle up and work hard. Like seriously work hard for my study. Afterall, I have more time now since "idiots & Jokers" no longer takes up my time and I really need to fully utilize my precious time.
Time passes by so fast. For those people who always find themselves bored and wants to find something to kill time, please think again, before you knew it, time is actually silently kiling you and not the other way round. Jeez, tell me is this a sign of old age? Probably. *smiles*
Right now, my current situation is that I am standing at a cross road, thinking where and which path should I take. What I really want and I know that I really need more self-discipline. I also need more self-motivation. I hope that one day I could become a millionaire overnight and do all the things that I want. For example, buying an acoustic piano for my leisure learning and also keeping my gu-zheng for a change time to time. I want to have lovely dogs that will always be there for me when I'm sad and also with my parents who will retire and no need to work and enjoy travelling around the world. That's too much of an ideal scenario isn't it? *laugh* But seriously, I want that kind of life. Soon enough I realised that it is not quite possible in Singapore.
Anyway, need to get back to work and damn the CCTV that's going to be watching me for the next 24/7 of my time here and my nightmare will start next tuesday. Life is going to interesting. The first step to believing is having faith.
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