Poem Of Thoughts

Been through a lot lately and at the same time has been thinking a lot too. Lost my handphone yesterday, wonder which idiot picked up my phone and did not return it. Anyway, if that person wants to take my phone, I'm fine with it cause my phone is on the verge of ending its life. I just want my SIM card back. Save me a lot of work.

Obviously, I haven't been in a good mood recently. Wonder why is that so. Perhaps is because I'm starting to notice a change within me. Not to sure whether it is good or bad. But I know I don't like the new me. Not a single bit.

I'm doing a lot of reflecting lately, thinking about who I was in the past and what I am now. My emotions, decisions, determinations are so easily affected. I wasn't like this in the past. I need to get myself back on my feet again. I need to start understanding myself more and change for the better.

My character, that I once very proud of, is starting to shatter. I need to stop my pace in life and take a look my surroundings again. To make sure I'm not lost and on the right track. To feel the peace and harmony within my soul. To be able to see where I'm heading to right now. I'm not referring to my career, I'm referring to my life here. Yes, my life.

To be honest with my own feelings, I'm still quite affected by THAT incident. That incident has changed many of us. Some for the better and some for the worst. Anyway, this has already happened and there is already nothing more we can do to salvage it. I wonder, if I were the victim, would I make the same choice as they did? Probably no.

After some self-reflection. I'm starting to feel that i'm back to my old self. Slowly bit by bit, step by step. I am starting to fall back into pieces. To who I used to be. I no longer miss him so much like I did in the past few months. This is who I am. This is me, the one who will not get affected by BG relationship. Not get affected by anything else that is not within my reach.

My inner peace is not being intruded anymore.

[ This Life ]
In life, chances are rare and don't come twice.
It will slipped right away if we are not wise.
If we are down to only a few choices,
What makes you choose one to the other?

Friends may come and they may go,
Will you find one who is truly your confiding soul?
We often make good and bad decisions,
And sometimes this will seriously affect our direction.

We fall, we cry, and we get hurt,
But at the end the day, are our lessons learnt?
Get back up on our feet and strive for the better,
To face what ever challenges that may come in the future.

There will be times when we will feel at lost,
Not to worry, this is part and parcel of our course.
Learning is a journey and not a destination.
In this process, there will be mixed feelings and emotions.

We will never know what the future may brings.
Therefore, this is our only hope for us to keep fighting and to win.
You will reap what you sow,
And so we will see to that day, where our hard work and results will show.

Written by myself. Trademark. =)

Dear Diary

Felt tired and wanted to have a good rest. If money could allow, I will buy more time for myself. "Am I trying too hard?" I often asked myself. But there will never be a honest answer to my question. Perhaps, I have not been very honest with myself to start with.

Read steffi's blog and she was saying about whether will you want to know that answers to the questions even if you already know that it will be heart breaking. Even if you know what the answers may be. Honestly, I will still want to hear from it directly from the person.

Reasons are simple. By hearing the answers personally, you will be able to learn to let go easily and quickly. It gives me the courage to move on in my life knowing that I have already lose it and there is nothing more I can do to hold the person back. The answer is clear, the line is drawn and there will be no more grey areas. This lessen the burdens in your heart.

It may be heartbreaking at first, but it will heal eventually. I was told that time does not heal your wounds, love will. I wonder. I still believe that time is the best medicine and love may deepen your wound. You never know.

Although I may be busy all day long and throughout the week, you never fails to intrude and distracts me from the things I do. It may be true that I think of you lesser now than before, however, I still cannot completely get you out of my mind. That is my objective. I do not even want to think about you for a second. Not even once. Just like how I did in the past. It is suffocating me.

Waiting may not be a good option. But giving up is not a good option either. So now, tell me how. Why of all things, feelings are something I cannot overcome. Why is that so. God knows. It seems that I am not strong enough. I need to be stronger and more determined so that I can conquer my own heart, which is my biggest enemy.

My heart, who knows not only my strength and also my weaknesses. My heart, who also knows my soft spots and my conscious. My biggest and toughest enemy. A battle that will keeps fighting for as long as it takes, and also the most tiring, energy taxing battle.

I wonder if anyone has won against their own hearts?

Steffi: mermaids eat humans, and I bet you won't to be a creature who feeds on humans' life's enery to survive. This is in accordance to the animes that I have watched. So, think twice before you wished for something.

My heart will go on. Okay, that is random. I'm tired from thinking too many things.