Dear Diary

Felt tired and wanted to have a good rest. If money could allow, I will buy more time for myself. "Am I trying too hard?" I often asked myself. But there will never be a honest answer to my question. Perhaps, I have not been very honest with myself to start with.

Read steffi's blog and she was saying about whether will you want to know that answers to the questions even if you already know that it will be heart breaking. Even if you know what the answers may be. Honestly, I will still want to hear from it directly from the person.

Reasons are simple. By hearing the answers personally, you will be able to learn to let go easily and quickly. It gives me the courage to move on in my life knowing that I have already lose it and there is nothing more I can do to hold the person back. The answer is clear, the line is drawn and there will be no more grey areas. This lessen the burdens in your heart.

It may be heartbreaking at first, but it will heal eventually. I was told that time does not heal your wounds, love will. I wonder. I still believe that time is the best medicine and love may deepen your wound. You never know.

Although I may be busy all day long and throughout the week, you never fails to intrude and distracts me from the things I do. It may be true that I think of you lesser now than before, however, I still cannot completely get you out of my mind. That is my objective. I do not even want to think about you for a second. Not even once. Just like how I did in the past. It is suffocating me.

Waiting may not be a good option. But giving up is not a good option either. So now, tell me how. Why of all things, feelings are something I cannot overcome. Why is that so. God knows. It seems that I am not strong enough. I need to be stronger and more determined so that I can conquer my own heart, which is my biggest enemy.

My heart, who knows not only my strength and also my weaknesses. My heart, who also knows my soft spots and my conscious. My biggest and toughest enemy. A battle that will keeps fighting for as long as it takes, and also the most tiring, energy taxing battle.

I wonder if anyone has won against their own hearts?

Steffi: mermaids eat humans, and I bet you won't to be a creature who feeds on humans' life's enery to survive. This is in accordance to the animes that I have watched. So, think twice before you wished for something.

My heart will go on. Okay, that is random. I'm tired from thinking too many things.