Pandora's Box

Recieved a call a few days back telling me that I have an interview with them this coming Saturday morning. Before that, I received news from my friends that they are not called back to the team. Guess how am I feeling now? God knows.

Ideal situation will never come true. I knew that. But still, I'm disappointed. Fought hard to earn their acknowlegment which they never will give. Treated as gunine pigs and not allowed to retaliate. Speak up but was treated as a rebel. Our voices can never reach them and their concern was never us. Wonder why is that so, and I never had an answer to my questions.This world is never fair, learnt that long ago. We just need to deal with it.

The closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it. The more you hold on to it, the more it will slip away. Is that just the way things are? Beats me. I've sacrifice so much for bowling and I know I did not regret. Not even once. The only thing that I could not let go was, I had the chance but I did not seize it. And now, I'm seeing the young ones out there walking down this very same path that I once took. And I'm pretty sure they will end up with the very same state that I am in right now in another few more years down the road. Is this a vicious cycle we must go through? Who knows.

After a long fight for my placing in the team, I grew tired of fighting. I am already losing my will and morale to continue this battle. Really, I need a break. But knowing that my days in the squad are numbered, I will give a good fight until my last breath. These are for bowling.

Studies, I have the sudden urge to study. Perhaps my half mock test is a wake up call to me to tell me how terrible I am with my studies. It is really time I should start taking things seriously, holidays are over. My New Year's resolution is to at least get a merit for all my modules. Hopefully I can meet my own expectations. Besides, resolution is shown by the attitude and not by words.

Apart from all theses, there is definitely one big emotional issue. I have decided to put him aside for this whole time until I have completed my exams in May. He distracts me alot, and I hate it when I get distracted and then, not being able to produce results for my work and studies. It's enough! Besides, it may be just him playing around. I know what I mean. Don't doubt my words.

Anyway, my stomach is talking to me now. Got to go eat dinner now... ...