Turning Point

Should I have know that this is your answer,

I would not have hope for anything more than expected.

A mixture of feelings that are hard to surpress,

Who would have thought that you have turned my world into a mess.

Actions may always speaks louder than words,

But those few words that you have spoken cannot overwrite those actions taken.

You are a confused little lamb who is trying to make the best out of everything,

Never did you expect that you might end up being my one and only thing.

Those things that you did which means nothing to you,

Has build up a total different impact on me, damn you!

Perhaps I would have felt better if you had not responded to my calls and actions,

Perhaps I would have felt better if you had not treated me that nice and considerate.

Invade my world further not as I am really at my wits end,

Time shall heal my wound and I will soon get over you, fret not.

I had an enjoyable and memorable trip up to Malaysia this year. I had great friends who accompanied me through thick and thin, and also who had spent their christmas with me. I am glad to have all those wonderful people up there with me. How nice the world can be.

For many days and nights, you were always right by my side. Always there when I needed you and still as usual, you are as considerate as ever. We may have held hands and fall asleep on each other shoulders, that will remain as memories as it is. These memories belongs to me as it may not be of any importance to you, and it will stay with me throughout my entire life.

You are not to blame, it was me who did not pick up the correct hints from time to time. Perhaps I was too dense and am not being able to sense that innocent-ness of yours. This has always been one sided and there are nothing that can be done to it. We may not get a chance to meet up anymore for 2009 is a damn busy year for me, and this can keeps me occupy so that I will not think of you.

I still have my dearest friends who are willingly to be there for me like how much I will always be there for them when needed. My milo trip is definitely fun with them around me and of course, because you were there with me. Thank you for all those wonderful memories you gave me. I will make sure that I will not pick up the wrong hints from you again and will play my role faithfully like how you would expect me to turn out to be. I guess this can satisfy both parties?! Not too sure if I'm satisfied with this outcome.

Anyway, hope that 2009 will be a better year for me >.<

Steffi, really thanks for everything... I could not have done this without you. Loves.

Drop It

I have been super busy these few days and did not even have the time to eat proper meals during work. This is bad. But I like it when I get busier as it helps me to get over you pretty fast.

It seems that I'm able to recover fast as I am now able to talk to you normally without feeling the constraint I felt in the past. Those conversations that seems so hard to continue does not affect me that much anymore for I can now speak to you like how I speak to my other buddies. Those times where I realized that I was thinking of you that is because I have relied on you just like how I relied on all of my best-est friends. Whenever I could not take my eyes off you is because I am concern with you just like how I cared for the others.

Now I feel more comfortable speaking to you be it online or in person. From here, I know that I have already moved on and no longer will see you the way I did.

My illusions and Dreams

Recent nights has not been a good one for me as I did not have my rest at all. The reason of my sleepless night is you. You kept appearing in my dream for 2 consequetive nights and this drains off all my energy the next day.

I wonder is it because I tried to stop myself from thinking of you and that leads to this outcome? Or was it because the fact that I am thinking of you that forces my mind to create an illusion that can never be realized? My questions will never be answered.

As the time draws nearer, the more uneasy I get. I hope that these uneasiness will go off soon. It's affecting me and I hate to lost control of my mind. To put it into simpler terms, I dislike it when lonely moments, the picture of you comes into my mind. I dislike it when there were some days I wished for someone to be there for me and you came into my mind. That is like an invasion to my private life. I really dislike it.

Guess I need a little more time that predicted. I need to get over it fast so that the damage can be minimized. The damage inflicted on me will be reduced and by then, I need to rebuild my shield to fense me off from weird people like you, you who are cabable of swaying and invading my heart unknowlingly.

Just like what my dearest girl would say :" someone can make you feel that you are special but you will never know if its their habit to make everybody feel the same way."
My fall will make me stronger so that I will brush up on my weak areas against people like you and so that I will not fall into the same trap again.

Last Memories And Move On

Not too sure what hits me the most, but it seems that the wake up call is here and it is time to move on from where i've stopped.

I hope that my last trip with you this year will be one of the most memorable ones. After which it will mark an end of my dream and I will let go of all my emotions, thoughts and feelings so that I will not find myself waking up one day thinking that you will be mine some day. Although patience is a virtue, it doesn't seem to be applicable on this case. So it seems.

Well then, it is on my accord all these while and my foolishness must end here before I look like an idiot. Like I've said, not too sure what has gotten into me that have lead me to this solution. Maybe it is more to determination than solution. I feel so childish and now that this thing makes no sense to me anymore.

Perhaps I have been the one who is having unneccessary thoughts and had mis-interpreted you in many ways. I realised that I do not understand you as much as I though I did. You are like an impenetrable fortress to me. So it seems. Sad to say, I realised that this gap is too wide to close up. You are just too far away from me. Before I lose you for good, I better salvage it now.

Did not see myself going this far and I believe time will heal and I know that I am stronger than before. I'm sorry for the misunderstood of your kind intentions all these while. This is you and nothing that you did was because it was me. This is you and it is not that you have changed but it is because I did not know that you were all along like this.

Your gaze from before was not to get my attention; it was because there were no one else there at that time. Your kindness was not because you cared; this is one of your traits. Those words that you speak was not because you noticed me; it was just an ordinary comment. All these makes you and this is something I did not realise in the past. Now that I am aware of it, I'm able to get a clearer picture of what is ahead of me.

I will now look at you from a brand new angle and will understand you from a brand new start. I will be friends with you just like the rest of my buddies. You are just you. I realised it too late. I'm sorry and Thank you for being such a nice friend.

Anime intro: Kurenai

Genre: Slice of life, Romance, Drama and has violent scenes.

This anime is about a high school shounen named Kurenai Shinkurou. His parents died during a terrorist attack and he was one of the few survivors who made it through the bombings. While being captured by the terrorists, he has lost all will to live and was waiting for his death depsite his friend who tries to help him. It was then when a mediator dashed in and saved his life. That was the turning point in his life.

After which, he followed the female mediator named Juuzawa Benika who took him in as her pupil and assigned him tasks as a mediator. In order to improve himself, he also train with the Houzuki family, who is known for being a family of killers from generations to generations. He also got a horn attached to his arm as a weapon and will release it when there is a need to.

On one occasion, he got himself a bodyguard job assigned by Benika to protect a 7 years old girl called Kuhouin Murasaki. Whilst on this job, he has taught Murasaki many things in life and also has learned many things from Murasaki. They lived a fulfilling life however, this lasted for a short while and soon the Kuhouin family knew their whereabouts. Kuhouin Riyuu, who is the elder son of the family ordered his subordinates to bring Murasaki back and defeated Shinkurou and Yayoi; who is also Benika pupil, depsite them being a good fighter. After losing terribly, Shinkurou went to the mansion to bring Murasaki home. After various tough fights and arguments, Murasaki has finally made up her mind to stay in the Kuhouin Household and fight their traditions. She was granted freedom and was accepted by the Head of Kuhouin, Kuhouin Renjou who is her biological father.

The Kuhouin family has a tradition passed down is that all daughters born into that famliy will be isolated and imprisoned in the inner sanctuary. They are not allowed to see the outside world and their existence is completely erased by the Kuhouin Family. Their role is to obey all rules and orders given and soon when they have reach an adult age, they will have to make love with the eldest son in the family and gave birth. Their sons will be taken away and gave it to the legal wife of the Kuhouin Family while their daughters will stay and suffer the very same fate as they have.

Murasaki's biological mother Souju, does not want her daughter to be caught up in this traditions and hence has ordered Benika to take her daughter away after she committed suicide. Benika feels that Shinkuro is the best candidate for this task and hence assigned him to it.

This anime may not be a very exciting one however, it teaches one to make decisions and to fight for your own happiness. It will not be a watse of time and is worthwhile watching.

What Ever Happened To My Pride?

After much consideration , in the end i still gave in to federation and decided to go for the roll off. Deep inside i know that it will not make a difference in my life anymore regardless i'm in the team or not. This year will still be the same as next, there will not be any chances in anyway. Unless i stop bowling, nothing will change.

One of the reasons why i decided to go for the roll off is i know that i can make it back into the squad. Next is because i still have my friends in there and i really do want to keep in touch with them.

SOOOO much for saying i did not want to go for the roll off anymore. What the hell am i doing right now man. Can't even decide for my own life...Guess i have another one more year to think about it

The Calling Is Here And So The Time Has Come

Although experience is all that counts but when the age catches up, it means that it is time for you to go. This is a vicious cycle everyone of us must go through. I was once the young one who took over a position of a senior and now my role has reversed.

Perhaps, now I can start looking ahead and to move on from where I've stopped. This is no surprise as I can never stay the same way as I was and this world that we are living in does not allow anyone to be the way they used to be .

I have been bowling for 6 years and has won numerous tournaments and competitions. I was on the papers and media and now, I have used up my shelf life and time is up, so I'll have to go. I hate to admit it but this is the fact, I've lost this battle.

The question now is: "Leave for pride or Stay for whatever reasons?"

Irritated to the MAX!

OH MY GOSH!
Don't think anyone can believe how irritated i am right now at this moment. It all started off the moment I told ZOMBIE that I decided to resign from my current job. That is the one damn mistake I've made and it has caused me to be in such a state, to be in such agony and irritation.

Didn't know that ZOMBIE is such a double-faced creature ever alive. To think that I have to work along with her for the next few months. This really motivates me to resign with immediate effect. ZOMBIE is so cunning to the extend that I realise now that in the working world, you can hardly find friends. To put it into another words, you can never find a true friend in the working world. Can someone please tell me why do i have to face this type of creature on my first experience in the working world? To think Positively, it is a good start so that I can learn my mistakes from this school and that I will not make bigger mistakes in the future when I am going out to work in a more competitive industry. but seriously let me tell you this, IT SUCKS BIG TIME!

Okay, after releasing my anger I shall start with my story.
The school does not approve my leave for AIA and also for my exams, and thus I told them that i wanted to resign with immediate effect so that i can have more time for my commitments and academic. Hence, after much consideration the school has decided to approve some of my off days and i agreed to negotiate with them my leaves and to help out with them on days where we are super short of manpower.

Afterwhich, ZOMBIE seems to know that we are facing a little issue here hence when i saw her the other day when i'm on shift, she asked me about it so i casually mentioned it to her. From the very moment onwards, she has a 360 degree changed in attitude towards me. OH MY GOSH! you will never believe it. That drastic change has forced me to make up my mind that from that very day onwards, I shall not speak to the other admin staffs regarding anything else except for work matters. NOTHING ELSE! i have alredy made up my mind and my decision is final. I HAD ENOUGH of all this SHIT!

anyway, the moment she knew that i wanted to resign, she immediately called up her ex-colleagues to tell her that the school is in need of manpower and that she can recommend them in. She even called PUPPET to ask her if she has called up her ex-colleagues regarding interviews and stuff. In addition, there were a few parent here that are kind of hard to handle and i revert them to the upper management and they actually sent an email to ZOMBIE to tell her to handle these parents and her reply was:
Hi so-so-so-so,
Noted with thanks. I will stand firm on this. Thanks for giving me this chance to deal with challenging parents as this will make me learn how to deal with challenging parents in future.
I will follow up with her today and get back to you. Thank you

and not only that, PUPPET has also sent me an email and this what she said:
Hi She-na,
I would like to bring up the issue of so and so incident. I would like to bring to your attention that I would want BOTH you and ZOMBIE to handle this issue and not just only ZOMBIE, if that is the impression that we seem to be getting.
Also, I believe you would probably have read the email I sent regardingthis issue that all staff should try to avoid say, "upper managementetc etc" because when you say that, it means that parents know you donot have authority and will always want to by-pass you to go to thenext level.
Hence, please kindly take note that all issues relating to THIS SCHOOL should be settled at your level unless things get out of hand. Therefore, I sincerely hope that you will be able to take more ownership about THIS SCHOOL and deal it together as a team with ZOMBIE as you are part of the THE SCHOOL'S family. Do not worry or take this too personally as this is part and parcel oreverybody's learning curve.

Oh My WORD! it's really driving me nuts. it make it seems like i'm not doing anything. This is really frustrating. Oh Whatever, I'm so going to resign soon and it will be in 2 months' time. I shall see how this school is going to prosper in the future.

super annoyed.

Dear readers, all those names you have seen in this blog are superficial and should you have met someone who fits into this description perfectly is purely by coincidence. Please do not take this story seriously. thank you for your time and have a pleasant weekend. Cheers!
***whatever!

What Have I Done?!

alright, before i start my story, do not ask me why did i agree with it because at the moment i also asked myself this question too. *sigh* it all goes like this:

I was working on thursday, afternoon shift on the 30 October 08. In the school, we have this Master teacher, she plays very well on both the piano and the violin. she is truly one musician. I enjoys listening to her music while i'm busy calling the waitlist. Before she left that night, she asked me if i can drive. Since i just passed my license a couple of months a ago, so i proudly said yes. Next she asked if i know my way around Singapore, and my answer is think so. Last, she asked me if she could take up a few hours of my time to bring her folks around as they are coming back to Singapore, and without thinking much i replied not too sure if i'm of some help but you can refer to the street directory. Her response was she does not need a street directory, she just wanted me to show them how to get to town or something like that.

At the moment, i realised i'm stuck in a difficult situation where i cannot say no. The next thing i know, she sms me the next day and to ask me when i'm free so i told her monday morning before i go to class, that is TOMORROW!!!! oh my god! it's kinda weird for her to ask a favour from me. She gives me the "alice tay" feel you know.

This is going to be the first and the last time i'll ever help anyone that is OUT OF MY JOB SCOPE. this is like a personal favour la! gosh, colleagues are colleagues. friends are friends. They are just so different. Looks like this time round i leap without looking and i shall reap what i sow.

*sigh*

Responsibilities

I'm starting to wonder...where am i heading towards right now at this point of my life. After one incident that happened on that faithful Sunday, it seems to be a wakeup call for me. As if asking me to start prioritizing my things on hand and to make decisions when there is a need to.
My work, bowling, studies are all very important to me and social gathering with all my dear friends is something I cannot ignore. So if there comes a day i need to give up either one, what would that be? Can my body and mind under take all these stress and pressure? I need some time to really think through what i really i want in my life and the consequences and responsibilities that will come together with my decisions.

Questions like does doing something i like to do more important than what the real world and reality is trying to ask me to do? my passion or my future? my pleasure or my sacrifices? what is the thing that i really need to do right now?
I need to find an answer to all these questions before i could move on in my life. I need to know where i'm heading to. I need to be clear of what i should and should not be doing.

This is my life. I need to take responsible for it.

Little Surprises and Actions

Although I didn't party tonight or rent a chalet, I had an enjoyable yet tiring day. It's tiring cause it has been a long day for me. Enjoyable cause i'm blessed to have many people around me to do small little things for me. My mum cooked a sumptuous meal for me and my dear steffi has given me my blog's wallpaper...and of coz, some of my long lost friends remembered my birthday and dropped me smses...Once again, really thank you. Though i'm not good at expressing myself when comes to face to face, but deep down i'm really touched and delighted. no words can actually describe my feelings. =)


I had a long day today, so i'll go sleep earlier since i have school tmr...

special thanks to all who have remembered my birthday.

cheers,

The little things that adds up

All the small little efforts that was put in, can make another being feel that special thought.
Actions may speaks louder than words, but sometimes words can touch another person's heart.
It maybe something which you have said unconsiously, but it may meant a whole lot of a difference to the one who heard it.
At the receiving end you are blessed, and along the way from the starting point, there was always someone there for you.

To my parent who has constantly shown guidance and love, and to my all my friends who stood by me all these time and answering to my selfish needs. Thank you for everything. This day is probably one of the best birthdays I've ever had. A memorable and an expensive one. This day will always remain somewhere in my heart and even if I'm busy and my mind is occupied by something else, there will never be a time where I'll forget what I've received today regardless it is a material or a physcological one. =)

Funny and Happy Moments

I was too tired last night that i didnt have time to blog. But oh well, let me share with you my funny moments yesterday during training. The main casts were Kawai and Huifen. It all started with...
Kawai went to do up her bowling balls that she wants to bring up for Anchor. Something went terribly wrong after she received her bowling balls, 1. the inserts weren't the ones she has been using all these years. 2. the surface of all her bowling balls were either too polished or too dull. 3. her track was terrible. with these, you can imagine how she paniced coz she's leaving later at 5pm. As for huifen, her track was even worst. it went diagonally across her finger and thumb hole. My goodess, i doubt anyone can ever do that. and so, the conversation went like this.

Kawai: I am so dead man!
Huifen: Me too! Look at my track!
Kawai: Hey, we're on the same boat! But mine is sinking faster than yours...
She-na: lol
Kawai: but wait...how can my boat be sinking faster when me and huifen are on the same boat?!?!
she-na lol even harder until she can't bowl.

Kawai: She-na, i think i need to pray to God first before i go up for tournament coz i'm like so dead.
She-na: so what kind of God do you pray to?
Kawai: I pray to Buddha and Alah + Cannot Sala
She-na lol until she keeps laughing and really cannot concentrate when bowling. It was so damn funny can....

Oh my goodness, it was my first training that was so funny with kawai and huifen being in a panic state and saying weird things. lol.

Today is she-na is a happy girl! as my 21st bday is approaching, my parents bought me a gift. it is a set of jewerly. it compromises of a ring, a braclet and a necklace. it's all pure gold. this whole set is worth more than $1,500. My god, my take home pay also not that much. I really love the present a lot =) THANK YOU MUMMY AND DADDY.

Restless

For some reasons, I'm feeling very restless today. Perhaps this week i've been too busy and didnt have enough time to rest. Participated in the bilateral games with SIA just now in the afternoon at 2pm @ safra tamp. Though it's not a surprise party, but Gerard bought cakes for the October babies who were participating in that event mainly, Adrian, aunty Sah Lee (jill's mother) and myself.

Since i dont have any intentions of celebrating my 21st bday, obviously i do not expect to eat/cut cakes. Nevertheless, i was happy during that moment where actually someone remembers my birthday. (that is because i have the same bday as adrian and adrian is Gerard's brother.) Got the hint?!?!? lol. Anyway, thanks for the cake Gerard, and happy birthday in advance UNCLE adrian. =)

Friends

Had a wonderful day today and yesterday =)
ate like a pig man, my goodness, now i must think of a way to slim down =_=

Met up with some club friends yesterday and chatted quite a bit. Also, bumped into an old friend back in CSC. Guess Singapore is REALLY SMALL. Anyway, bowled a total of 5 games and i won $5 in total after betting with Gerard, Clement and tcf. Another side bet with Adrian, and i only won $5, quite pathetic though. But lucky didn't lose. >.<>

FINALLY today get to meet up with jojo. It's been ages since i last saw her after she resigned from the squad. Girls do talk a lot, on top of that we have steffi who talks non-stop. haha, it makes the entire outing lively. And, to be honest, STEFFI I REALLY FORGOT THAT YOUR BIRTHDAY IS ON THE 9th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO SORRY. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY K!!!!!
haiz, guessed age is catching up. Anyway, hopefully we girls still can get together like we did today and catch up more with each other....
>JOJO: looking forward to your new lounge =)

Reflect my day

Early in the morning, I opened my eyes and saw the time on my alarm clock and went back to sleep. Unknowingly, I accidentally skipped my financial reporting class. During my poly days, skipping morning lectures is a norm. But now, i'm feeling damn gulity about it. Not too sure why, but i thought i should be more responsible in my own studies. I promise myself that this is will be the first and the last time I will ever skip a class, and for the whole day i'm feeling really bad about it.

I do encounter funny moments today, when I was updating my facebook, one of my best schoolmate left me a comment on my note yesterday. coz I gave her my blog as www.animenana@blogspot.com instead of http://www.animenana.blogspot.com/ she was yelling at me...lolz.....and of course, it's my friend's 21st birthday today, and poor guy he is in army at some air force school. And I still have one more week to think of how to celebrate my 21st bday too...still thinking...perhaps stay at home and watch anime...lol

anyway, that's all for today. Oh yea, on a special note, huifen guessed my blog name correctly without me hinting her. she is so damn pro can....ok, that's random. =)

My Every Day Routine

Was just looking through my planner and realised that I dont really have much free time to spare doing other things.

Monday- 2pm to 5.30pm school; 7pm to 9pm Training
Tuesday- 10am to 12.30pm working; 2pm to 5.30pm school; 7pm to 9pm Training
Wednesday- 9.30am to 5pm working; 7pm to 9pm Training
Thursday- 9.30am to 1pm school; 2pm to 9pm working
Friday- 9.30am to 1 pm school; 2pm to 9pm working
Saturday- 10am to 12.30pm training; 2pm to 7pm working
Sunday- 9am to 7pm working

my god! tell me what kind of time table is this....anyway, I was the one who choose to work and study and train at the same time. So cant really complain about anything....but stillllll....where's my ANIME TIME?!?!?!?!?

Oh well, guess I have my way of watching my anime and not sacrificing my beauty sleep. =)

Opening Ceremony

Hi everyone!
This is my first blog and hence is my first time blogging. It's actually getting late now and I have to work tomorrow morning, so I make this "opening speech" short and sweet. I'll be looking forward to blogging more often and hope I don't get lazy and stop blogging. I will be sharing most of my encounters of the day and my hobbies as well.
So, Good night!