Life Still Goes On

Read your blog and somehow it just got me thinking again. and as u can see, i may not be able to be there for you when u really do need me so here i am, once again, posting my thoughts so that it would be able to set u thinking like how your posts set mine :)

Babe, life is not always blissful like those u see in FAIRYTALES (it's not WaltDisney's fault) and sometimes we just have to learn how to deal with it. Experience is not what happens to a you but it is what you do with what happens to you that you gain those experiences. I know your shittiest moments of your life and you've been through that. Friends only happens to be in your way when you're falling and though we had our arguments and disagreements, you know deep down we will always be there to catch your fall :)

It's alright to make wrong decisions in life. Everyone does as long as it is not too sinful that it is irreversible. things still move on and life still goes on. Not everyone found their perfect love on first attempt and trust me enough, those "happily ever after" couples out there, they have been through their ups and downs in their relationship but the main difference between us and them is that they managed to get through and we didn't. But it's alright. that's part and parcel of our life and we learn and grow from it. It's really alright babe, don't be so hard on yourself :)

it's not wrong to want attention from the boy u loved so deeply. who doesn't? and i came upon this friend's fb status that says "don't believe him coming back saying that he misses you so badly and stuff, remember, he didnt' chooose you" and you know, this got me thinking again (although for a different reason) but somehow, that phrase is so true. i can't deny that. babe, did he really choose you over her?

I understand that she has formed a chapter in his life and that is not possible to erase it off. you knew that and you accept it all. you're childish; that's not new. everyone around you knows that. but think about it, if the both of you can't get through this ordeal, it just shows how much love both of you have put into this relationship. It is not a matter of who loves who more, because that can never be measured distinctively on a scale.

I told you before, you need to take caution when it comes to love and you said it yourself that no one is there to protect your own heart. i know it is not easy to be in a relationship with someone. it takes two person of two different personality to be together. try it out any math equation and you know there won't be any answers to that. It takes more than what you think to get this relationship going, dear. If you're childish, then you just have to be more mature. Believe me, i know how much you've matured from the day you left to Aussie till i saw you last November and i told you that its not enough but there's room for improvement. and true enough, maturity doesn't comes overnight but over the years. Babe, if you have already done you part in this relationship and nothing seems to work, life would be much easier to move on. don't worry, you didnt lose the game. don't let your pride gets in your way.

This whole shit thing is getting a toll on you. probably its telling you to start look at things from a different perspective. see things from different angle. Babe, i'm not there with you in Aussie so i can't tell if what the boy is doing is for real or not. you have to learn to judge them youself. you know how acute your sixth senses are so don't doubt them. look before you leap. that's your main weak point. you hand over your heart too soon. i don't want you to be like me, because at this point of my life, i simply just lose faith in love. i don't believe in that now and i have found other goals in my life to pursue for. but babe, you still have faith in them don't you? give it a last chance and determine for youself what's best. only you know what you want best and you know yourself better than anyone out there does.

trust yourself dear. believe in your inner voice. have faith in it. don't deny yourself anymore. take the first step to listen to what your heart has to say and stay with it till the end. at least you know you've tried and so you would have come to an easy term in accepting what ever outcome it may be. At this point, there really isn't a right or wrong answer.

follow your heart because only from your heart you get the most honest answer.

Whatever That Is Left

2 papers down and 2 more to go...omg, i'm dreading the days till my last paper and i really really wanna to just hurry up and get it over and done with! I HAD ENOUGH OF BOOKS....and guess what i just realised that i only read twilight until book 2....i wanna continue with my edward!!!! i'm comtemplating whether should i buy that book, but u know it's not very smart of me to invest in that coz it's damn ex. probably i'll just put that as one of my "wish list" to have to collect the 4 books. i really think that it's a great series...so any kind hearted souls out there is willing to buy the twilight series for me?!?!?!?!

anyway, back to question. so why am i here blogging when i have a paper on tuesday and another on thursday? the answer is simple. I'm sick of studying. argh, u know what JUST SCREW IT...but but but, i need my degree -.- alright, back to square one...i need to study.

and you know , it's not nice to last min hug the buddha leg because u don't know it if would work and most of the time the results will tell u that u're plain lucky to have SCRAPE through...i know and by the way, did i spell that correctly?! er, i hope i did. i have been making TOO MANY mistakes lately and i really really don't wanna make any more STUPID mistakes...

oh boy....this is giving me hell lot of stress and i need my massage and facial...and i want my FUN! play play play..ice skating with the girls again on the 31st!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!! and dun worry steffi, when you're back i'll make sure that i'll get ah foo and ah sim to go ice skating with us :) and i suddenly wanna go watch movie so steffi, pls hurry and come back so we could go out for movies soon!!!! i need to wait till november -.- u sure have the guts to make me wait so long...but what to do...i'm used to it already. what's worst than u not picking up your phone?! anyway, i seem to have this habit these days tooo...ah foo and ah sim is complaining about me not answering my phone..but u see, my phone is er....a bit tooo high tech so yea.... :) smiles.

and i think i'd better get back to my books....
it's calling out for me...
27th MAY. I'M WAITING. it would be the pivoting point!!!!!!

i think i should start blogging in japanese :)

My Disappointment

i just took my first paper today and i am utterly disappointed with myself. i knew i could do better and to be even more prepared than this for i have all the time i needed but in the end, i went in to the exam hall with a half-assed attitude and attempt the paper just like that.

ellena, samantha and shermaine, they all seemed to be so well-prepared and they know their answers well. that's depressing. we all started studying at the same time and here i am procrastinating half the time and did nothing efficient and now here i am again, worried if i would get through with this. and if dont, i know i have myself to blame. i had the time in the world to study, but what was i doing? i have no idea. i thought i already studied hard enough, but it seems like i didnt do it the right way. i was distracted. so many times. and now, i'm facing the music.

lyou know, at this point, i really really hated myself for this. i really really do. it's not like i'm disappointed because i can't get a distinction or something. i am disappointed because if i fail, this paper, i deserve it. and you know what, i have another 3 more papers coming up and i'm really really depressed to think that i have so much to cover. just kill me for real now.

i'm having a massive headache because of my mensus and i cant seem to have mood for anything. i dun feel like doing anything but studying now. really i do. i'm lazy to eat as well. why am i like this? i have no idea what happened to me. all i know is, i hate the "me" now.

MANGA!

SEISEI SURUHODO, AISHITERU

Seconds Ticking By

going into the last week of my preparations for my coming exams and to be honest, i really have no idea how much i've studied but i'm just going to keep giving my all and pray for the best. recently, i have just gotten a letter from my school to notify me of my attachment and i'm gald that i'm going to be attached to earnst and young :) but first i've got to pass the interview first. omg, whoever's up there, pls watch over me >.<

after a crazy month in april, things are slowly setting in and i'm starting to get settled down. back to the way i was before. back to the life i used to have. things are going as i how i foresaw it would be. and maybe because i predicted most of what happened, i'm able to deal with it much better. of coz, there is a part of it that without you guys whom i cannot do without. my friends. and so once i again i realised how important a role friend's play. they just manage to withstand all your nonsense. i mean, my nonsense. all my insecuritites and uneasiness, they can just sweep it off me. and for this, i'm once again not afriad of being alone.

and this new friend that i've made a few weeks back, he's from my current school and we had a couple of similiar modules. he's always curious about what's my opinion and he asked to share some part of my life with him. funny guy isn't he? but knowing me, once i start talking about bowling, about my life, the pilot and my other friends, i just get so carried away. and he just listens, laughs and just like me, he also cannot stop talking. and that's how we digress and didn't study much. oh boy.

talking to him made me realised some things that i have forgotten about in my life and with that, i have decided a few things that i have to do. i'm glad i've found them back. this is a new era. a new generation. and i know there will be more changes to come. i will stick it through. and some how, recently, woodblock just came into my mind :)

and when thinking about woodblock, there's always a smile across my face. i wonder why. it's always after all the ups and downs, then i'll think about woodblock. all the funny things woodblock would do which still stays so vivid in my mind. unlike the others, i forget them easily and even i could recall, it's only bits and pieces of it. for woodblock, everything stays so clear. i hate to say this, but i'm missing him a bit here. lol. of course, as a friend :) he never fails to humour me in the most unexpected way. hahaha. omg, i feel so old once again. i wish i could turn back the hands of time to those moments when i was with woodblock and probably he was the first person i could be with with an ease in mind. i dont talk about him to others. only you know. i should stick to my own belief. *smiles*

alright, better head off to study. when it rains, i just think about woodblock. what a gentle guy he is.

Fairytale

Distraction, is probably something i would need right now. i want to distract myself from distraction. just like the "pink elephant theory". well, it just shows that i really did learn something from my coaches afterall. as well as the "donkey theory".

I am really progressing at an excruciatingly slow pace for my revision for exams. i wonder why. sometimes, people can be so contradicting and i think that is what makes us, human. something so interesting. did a little of self assessment and pull out my strengths and weaknesses. and i just know how much it hurts sometimes, to know the truth. i have long learnt to accept it.

made a mistake. stumbled upon my fall. all is my bad. i know. i don't need anyone to tell me. there is no need to at the first place. since i already knew i was at fault too. just when i really needed someone to be there, friends never fail to leave my side. i appreciate it. though they may not know what happened, and i really don't want to talk about it all over again, nevertheless, they are always there for me. to cushion my fall. i have nothing to say.

on the spur of moment, i tried to do something and i hope i wasn't too late. the good thing is there are very little promises so the back fire is manageable. the bad thing is to fix what has been broken. that said, there's nothing to worry about. i know i'll ride it out eventually. because that is what makes me who i am.

it's hard to sleep at night. but a little wine would do the job. it's healthy and it serves it purpose. i need to steer my direction and my attention to my books. at times like this, time really seems so slow. ticking by seconds and every passing minutes, it's a dread. music would be my accompanion now. i wish i had attended guitar courses. random.

i want to sleep.
need to study tomorrow.
i need my rest too.

Where The Sun Don't Shine

Jokes. somehow will lighten up your mood and make you smile and laugh from the bottom of your heart. i had a taste of it today with 2 amazingly comical study mates. they synchronise quite well with each other and, that is really surprising because they only met each other today for the first time. what a good rapport they have :)

That said, we were counting down to the number of days we have left till we have to sit for our first paper. Sad to say, the figures aren't very encouraging at the moment. stressed. and that's probably the reason to my frequent headaches these days. headaches make me feel sleepy even more.

Monday. is a day i would look forward to cause i will be having an awesome facial session with a not very awesome >.< but amusing buddy. I really can't wait to finish my exams and go on a short trip with the 2 girls. it was supposed to be last year, but we were too busy with our own things so this time round, we have make our dream come true. if possible, i would love to have steffi to join us since we will have even more fun.

i'm tired.
just blogging for the sake of blogging.