So many things weighing on my mind. I'm exhausted. Truthfully, I cannot seem to find any drive to do anything, be it for my work, bowling, music or even studies. Wonder where did my motivation went to.
Work, of course is not as smooth sailing as it seems. Recently it seems that I have been making many mistakes here and there. For example coming late by 30mins for work, did not clean my centre properly and that Karen (head of operations) said that Parkway is in a mess and dusty, questioned me how come I did not put up the lyrics for the Christmas prom finale song, questioned my attitude in the morning when I refuse the bring the spoilt metronoume back to Parkway and some more I cannot recall now.
Sandra mentioned something me being proactive in my work or somewhere along that line. Proactice she says. What can i say boy? i cannot really say that i'm right but i also cannot prove her wrong either. Damn, this is work and it is my job to do so. Should i resign now? or stay till June and hit her target to prove her wrong and leaves? But what does that shows? i'm capable? Sandra, you've underestimated me? You've got me all going at your finger tips? Human, just simply creates trouble for themselves. i wish for the world to end now.
But have they ever thought that I went out of my way to collect keys from Siewmei just to open the door at Funan on such short notice? Have they ever considered some times I would willing to help travel from centre to centre just to transfer some books or to collect books? Sometimes, people just take things for granted. Despite having said that, i am not anywhere better off.
Recently old flame just got attached. So much for saying he'll never consider any other girls, at the end of the day, all man are the same. They would always choose the easiest way out. Well i don't blame him and it's not like i love him anyway. Just reflecting. Do i sound like i regretted? oh boy, i don't. it just makes me feel that males, we cannot trust them easily. So sick and tired with them, BUT, i don't swing that way!
Life is short, beautiful yet sad in so many ways. i want to be strong and versatile. i want to prove myself yet at the same time i don't want to show off. i want to lead but also to follow. Say, life is strange isn't it? i went to have a small pep talk with a few of my colleagues, and they told me not to give up and not to feel depressed because of whatever happened in life and work. Everywhere you go, there bound to have problems as such. You can never run away from it.
i'm feeling frustrated now.
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