For You

Steffi, i know that u were searching high and low for me online last night but i am really tied down to something important and hence was not able to respond to your sos immediately. Just so you know, i dont own a bbb or iphone that allows me to connect to the internet even if i'm out. I am not too sure if it is abit late for me to say this but since i'm so far away from you, i can only support you mentally and that is all that i can do now at the moment. at least for you.

I saw your messages on facebook and i already replied to almost every single one of them. just in case if anything happens again and i happened to be not online, i know u would always refer to my blog and that's why here i am blogging to help you. at least i hope i did.

Seriously, based on what you told me from day 1 till now about you and Ostrich (*** sorry i had to call him that but he really fits into that description flawlessly***) I don't know if he is even serious about being together with you. I can understand that he needs some time but this is dragging on a little bit too long. trust me, the longer this drags, the one ended up getting all injured with wounds would be yourself. You should know this better than I do. Physical wounds may recover but emotional wounds would take longer. Considering yourself in the current situation you are in, trust me, it will hurt even more because you are stuck with him 24/7 in Australia for at least another 6 more months or so.

Look back, Steffi. what happened to you when you're in singapore. when you're in NUS. You wouldnt want the same thing to happen again, don't you. Priortized your things. Set out your mind and heart to do things right. Don't fall at the same spot again. You've already fell once, the price you paid was great enough. Don't make the same mistake again. You just have to keep reminding yourself about this. Why did you go to Australia to study? What did you promise your father? What have you promised yourself to do when you have decided to go to Australia to study? This is the kind of thoughts you should start with first. Affirm yourself that you are there for some serious business and not for play. Find it. Find it back the determination that you have before setting out on this. I believe you can :)

You know, many things happened and that cannot be avoided. What is done, cannot be undone. So no use crying over split milk. What you must do now is to know what you want to do. No use waiting for Ostrich if he cannot give you any confirmation, clarification or an answer to his actions. Waitng will only kill u even more. Time waits for no man. Remember that. Look, Ostriach has NEVER given you any clear answers or plans as to what he has in mind. I know what you are going to say at this time "He told me this and that and this and that" bla bla bla~ Yes, it is true that he TOLD you, but he never DID it. It is just empty promises. Promises and words that he need to tell you so that he could keep you by his side. and if things don't work out well between you and him, his can always falls back on maddie. You know this better than anyone else. So why are you still hanging on to him?

Probably you should ask yourself, why did you even fall for him? his looks? his brains? the way he talks? the way he humours you? or? find out, what exactly make you fall for him. and once you know that, used that as a weapon to make yourself to STOP falling even more for him. Tell him to stop doing it if this is what it takes to make you not waver your determination. Do whatever you need to do to guard yourself. Drifting is definitely not a wise option, because you are going to see him at least for another year and avoiding him would be tiring. But then again, there are always many solutions to one problem. it is just looking at things from different point of view.

I wouldnt ask you to jump straight into the conclusion that he is playing you. if you cannot do it face to face, then ask him over the phone. no point doing it over sms or msn, because u need to hear what he says and read him off from there. like his tone, his actions, the way he talks. msn and sms-es hides every ounce of these feelings. Stay calm. Cool you head. Slow down your heartbeat. Imagine that you are going for a perfect game and this is your last shot :) I know you're going to say that this is random but bowling is a game, in this, love is a game too. in fact it is gamble.

Just so you know, guys would always give you answers like "i really don't know" "maybe" "probably" "i am not sure"and bla bla bla bla...so to avoid this aimless talk and not to waste anymore of your precious time. tell him to answer you either a YES or a NO to the questions u asked. and forbid himto say all the above mention. trust me, when they give this kinda half-assed ans, it just makes you even more irritated and annoyed than you already have. And in order to do that, first you must know what you want to achieve out from the talk. What is it that you want to find out from Ostrich. For example, whether if he loves you? whether if he has the intention to get back with maddie? whether is he going to stick thru think and thin with you? what are his intentions and plans? and from there, once you know your objectives, work out your questions for him. That's how things should go for guys like Ostrich who cannot give you a definite answer. and if he really pissed you off, you can always chop it off. his little brother.

Steffi, so you should stop assuming things based on what you have read on other pple's blog or facebook. Although it may be true about your assumptions. but it would be best if you get the direct answer and hear it straight out from him.

AND AND AND, you know he is a sweet talker and that sweet talk you out of it. so you must first know his tactics and then you must know how to break it. it is easier said than done. but this really really only based on your will power. only on your will power. how strong u can be in your mental. it is a fight u must take. but also, you must warn yourself of the consequences. brace it. accept it. and learn to live with it. you will do fine :)

If you need to cry, don't every do it infront of him because at the very least you need to protect your pride and dignity. but my advice would be DON'T CRY! but knowing you, you probably would cry for one night and then recover the nexy day and then when u see him again and he sweet talk you again, you will cry again for another night. It takes courage to cry, i know. but it also takes a certain amount of determination not to and that is the first step to being strong.

So, anything goes wrong and really needed to talk. you can always call me. although phone bills is going to accelerate but once in a while, i'm alright with it.

Stay strong, steffi!