Recieved a call a few days back telling me that I have an interview with them this coming Saturday morning. Before that, I received news from my friends that they are not called back to the team. Guess how am I feeling now? God knows.
Ideal situation will never come true. I knew that. But still, I'm disappointed. Fought hard to earn their acknowlegment which they never will give. Treated as gunine pigs and not allowed to retaliate. Speak up but was treated as a rebel. Our voices can never reach them and their concern was never us. Wonder why is that so, and I never had an answer to my questions.This world is never fair, learnt that long ago. We just need to deal with it.
The closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it. The more you hold on to it, the more it will slip away. Is that just the way things are? Beats me. I've sacrifice so much for bowling and I know I did not regret. Not even once. The only thing that I could not let go was, I had the chance but I did not seize it. And now, I'm seeing the young ones out there walking down this very same path that I once took. And I'm pretty sure they will end up with the very same state that I am in right now in another few more years down the road. Is this a vicious cycle we must go through? Who knows.
After a long fight for my placing in the team, I grew tired of fighting. I am already losing my will and morale to continue this battle. Really, I need a break. But knowing that my days in the squad are numbered, I will give a good fight until my last breath. These are for bowling.
Studies, I have the sudden urge to study. Perhaps my half mock test is a wake up call to me to tell me how terrible I am with my studies. It is really time I should start taking things seriously, holidays are over. My New Year's resolution is to at least get a merit for all my modules. Hopefully I can meet my own expectations. Besides, resolution is shown by the attitude and not by words.
Apart from all theses, there is definitely one big emotional issue. I have decided to put him aside for this whole time until I have completed my exams in May. He distracts me alot, and I hate it when I get distracted and then, not being able to produce results for my work and studies. It's enough! Besides, it may be just him playing around. I know what I mean. Don't doubt my words.
Anyway, my stomach is talking to me now. Got to go eat dinner now... ...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
When It's Over, It's Over...
Today which is a verdict day for a few of my friends, did not turn out to be as bad as we thought. Perhaps, God has really gave them his blessing. They did not get into any deeper mess than it could have and the damage has been minimized to the maximum.
Now that everything is over, Greg, Steffi and Eugene, all of you have made it through today's trial. It seems that it was not that bad to the extend for me to collect Steffi's corpse. She was still smilling when she came out, and I thought, it's over. They will be fine. Indeed, they are sentenced to a lesser months suspension only. Not too bad. I'm happy for them.
Stumbled across some old photos, uploaded them on facebook. These photos are really nostalgic. Brings back many wonderful memories. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Or maybe, travel through time and space.
Went to attend a feng shui seminar yesterday and the master was just saying, the year of Ox is not a good year for Rabbits. Rabbits may encounter some disasters which we cannot prevent at any cost. I wonder, will that be true? Because, apparently some of the books I've read said the same. Spooky huh? Tell me about it, I don't wanna know.
Also, they said that my career will face many difficulties and hardships. This is very true indeed as I am facing a little problem with the music school and SBF. It seems that things ain't going smoothly at all. I wonder why. Perhaps I really need to put in more effort. Also, I have my studies to worry. I guess it is really time for my to settle down and emotions and stop procrastinating. The more I procrastinate, the more i'm screwing myself up for my studies... and I simply cannot afford that.
My love life will be an unsuccessful one. The book said. That is not a really good sign. Maybe, this year will be another year of me waiting. Perhaps, keep low profile...low profile ong she-na. Don't try to stand out so much. Will keep you away from trouble. At least minimize the troubles.
Well, after all these, I really do hope the bad lucks to go and good lucks will come. I know that the year ahead of me will be a tough one. I will be stronger than every yesterdays and move forward bravely to face my fight every other day. I know I will get tired and restless at times, but i also know, there will always be people there for me to fall back on when I needed them.
Steffi, don't worry about the temptation card. The devil card will not get to me and I will make sure that I will not fall for these temptations. Also, I will do all I can and within my capabilities to keep the both of us out from troubles and also to drive away all the devlish things. I will be determined to keeps my words and my actions will proves it all.
Trust me, I have very strong will when comes to setting goals and direction of my life. Moral values and personal values are something that will not waiver no matter what you do. I'll make sure to keep a look out for potentioal dangers. We're ain't that bad and unlucky, we just needed a bit more patience. Let's walk through this another tough year together as friends and along with our companions, we will do better. Hopefully, for this new year.
Now that everything is over, Greg, Steffi and Eugene, all of you have made it through today's trial. It seems that it was not that bad to the extend for me to collect Steffi's corpse. She was still smilling when she came out, and I thought, it's over. They will be fine. Indeed, they are sentenced to a lesser months suspension only. Not too bad. I'm happy for them.
Stumbled across some old photos, uploaded them on facebook. These photos are really nostalgic. Brings back many wonderful memories. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Or maybe, travel through time and space.
Went to attend a feng shui seminar yesterday and the master was just saying, the year of Ox is not a good year for Rabbits. Rabbits may encounter some disasters which we cannot prevent at any cost. I wonder, will that be true? Because, apparently some of the books I've read said the same. Spooky huh? Tell me about it, I don't wanna know.
Also, they said that my career will face many difficulties and hardships. This is very true indeed as I am facing a little problem with the music school and SBF. It seems that things ain't going smoothly at all. I wonder why. Perhaps I really need to put in more effort. Also, I have my studies to worry. I guess it is really time for my to settle down and emotions and stop procrastinating. The more I procrastinate, the more i'm screwing myself up for my studies... and I simply cannot afford that.
My love life will be an unsuccessful one. The book said. That is not a really good sign. Maybe, this year will be another year of me waiting. Perhaps, keep low profile...low profile ong she-na. Don't try to stand out so much. Will keep you away from trouble. At least minimize the troubles.
Well, after all these, I really do hope the bad lucks to go and good lucks will come. I know that the year ahead of me will be a tough one. I will be stronger than every yesterdays and move forward bravely to face my fight every other day. I know I will get tired and restless at times, but i also know, there will always be people there for me to fall back on when I needed them.
Steffi, don't worry about the temptation card. The devil card will not get to me and I will make sure that I will not fall for these temptations. Also, I will do all I can and within my capabilities to keep the both of us out from troubles and also to drive away all the devlish things. I will be determined to keeps my words and my actions will proves it all.
Trust me, I have very strong will when comes to setting goals and direction of my life. Moral values and personal values are something that will not waiver no matter what you do. I'll make sure to keep a look out for potentioal dangers. We're ain't that bad and unlucky, we just needed a bit more patience. Let's walk through this another tough year together as friends and along with our companions, we will do better. Hopefully, for this new year.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Pondering, Looking Back and Reflect
Thought that this year started with a blast of good things, however good things always come to an end fast and the next thing you know, bad luck befalls. Wonder why...
Things has been going a little out of hand today. It all happens so fast that I felt that I couldn't comprehend whatever that had happened. My dear little friend here is so upset with herself and I really do hope that after she cries it all out, she will be able to take braver step forward. As to what had happend, I do not wish to elaborate too much but the bottom line is: Everything is so screwed up.
I used to think that I'm a very careful person when comes to running away from punishment or not getting caught for breaking the rules. Never did I expect myself to overlook this matter and now that it has gotten into this state. Wonder who to blame. Perhaps, it wasn't anyone's fault to start with. Temptation was the main culprit.
Looking back, there were so many chances for me to stop this from happening. So many and yet, I let it slipped away. There are many other ways to repent our mistakes, but it seems like god always gave us the hardest route. Maybe it is always that we learn things the hard way. Human nature perhaps? I wonder why.
I could have stopped her from doing all these things. Although it may not be wrong, at the same time, it may not be right too. I didn't fulfill my role enough and thus, this incident occured. If I had, this could be prevented. Prevention is better than cure, I always believed in this and it is always never to late to apologize or to repent upon your mistakes.
Humans make mistakes, this is my favourite quote. Who don't know that. But do we just brush it off just by saying we're human and it is a norm that we make mistakes? No, we don't and we shouldn't. Admit our mistakes requires courage, accept it takes bravery, repent on it needs determination and then to reflect upon it.
From this incident, I could see myself better now. I tend to get swayed by people's decsion or emotions too easily. Even though I could differentiate what is right and what is wrong, but I couldn't put them into actions when it is necessary. To help my friends out of trouble. I failed to do so despite myself seeing this is what may happen.
I know that I am partially at fault here and I know that I can never turn back the hands of time. My friends have already fallen into this bottomless pit and here I am, only can watch them fall and sitting here so helplessly. There isn't much I can say at this point of time, all I can do is to listen and console them.
Who knows, I may be one of the 3 that the coaches are looking for. Of course, I hope I'm not but if i'm not then who will it be? It will still be one of my friends. A mixture of emotions I must keep inside myself. Wonder how this end up in this state.
Hopefully everything goes well and turns out well. May god bless those who are in this mess. Monday, the verdict day. Monday, which seems so far yet so close. Monday, which is so gloomy and seems so blue. To my little one, hope that you'll be fine.
Things has been going a little out of hand today. It all happens so fast that I felt that I couldn't comprehend whatever that had happened. My dear little friend here is so upset with herself and I really do hope that after she cries it all out, she will be able to take braver step forward. As to what had happend, I do not wish to elaborate too much but the bottom line is: Everything is so screwed up.
I used to think that I'm a very careful person when comes to running away from punishment or not getting caught for breaking the rules. Never did I expect myself to overlook this matter and now that it has gotten into this state. Wonder who to blame. Perhaps, it wasn't anyone's fault to start with. Temptation was the main culprit.
Looking back, there were so many chances for me to stop this from happening. So many and yet, I let it slipped away. There are many other ways to repent our mistakes, but it seems like god always gave us the hardest route. Maybe it is always that we learn things the hard way. Human nature perhaps? I wonder why.
I could have stopped her from doing all these things. Although it may not be wrong, at the same time, it may not be right too. I didn't fulfill my role enough and thus, this incident occured. If I had, this could be prevented. Prevention is better than cure, I always believed in this and it is always never to late to apologize or to repent upon your mistakes.
Humans make mistakes, this is my favourite quote. Who don't know that. But do we just brush it off just by saying we're human and it is a norm that we make mistakes? No, we don't and we shouldn't. Admit our mistakes requires courage, accept it takes bravery, repent on it needs determination and then to reflect upon it.
From this incident, I could see myself better now. I tend to get swayed by people's decsion or emotions too easily. Even though I could differentiate what is right and what is wrong, but I couldn't put them into actions when it is necessary. To help my friends out of trouble. I failed to do so despite myself seeing this is what may happen.
I know that I am partially at fault here and I know that I can never turn back the hands of time. My friends have already fallen into this bottomless pit and here I am, only can watch them fall and sitting here so helplessly. There isn't much I can say at this point of time, all I can do is to listen and console them.
Who knows, I may be one of the 3 that the coaches are looking for. Of course, I hope I'm not but if i'm not then who will it be? It will still be one of my friends. A mixture of emotions I must keep inside myself. Wonder how this end up in this state.
Hopefully everything goes well and turns out well. May god bless those who are in this mess. Monday, the verdict day. Monday, which seems so far yet so close. Monday, which is so gloomy and seems so blue. To my little one, hope that you'll be fine.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
JonJon's Quizzes...Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely..
Okay, i tried this out from Jonjon's blog...so pple, try this out too k?
Steps:
1. Open your itunes or whatever media player and click shuffle.
2. click next for every qns.
3. enjoy and laugh about it, then share with your friends... =)
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Never took the time [Akon] >> am i like this?
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Mo Lu - Stranger's road [Zhang Dong Liang] >> okay, that sounds sad...
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Nothing gonna replace you. [ i forgot who sang this song]
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
How we roll [alvin and chipmunks OSTs] >> seems pretty fitting for me >.<
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Thriller [Michael Jackson] >> ooookk, too much of it will gives me heart attack..better cut down..
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Long time [Blue] >> do you mean long time no see?? eh, some lah..not all..i see tham steffi very often though..lolx
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Ru Guo (if) >> are there so many "ifs"? oh my word...but i used to think, if only my parent didnt nag at my bowling... hahahah..opps =x
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Are you lonesome tonight [Elvis Presley] >> i sounded like a pervert here....
WHAT IS 2+2?
As long as you love me [Backstreet boys] >> ????
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Shake your pom pom [ Missy Elliott] >> oooookkkkkk, i didnt know that..lolz
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Fly By [Blue] >> that's is even sadder, he just fly by and didnt stop.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Push [ebrique Iglesias] >> hmmm, like wat the tarots said, i pushed myself too hard..now the songs said it too...wth...got so spooky or not...
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Killa [Cherish Feat Yung doc- Step up 2] >> OOOOOKKKKK, I swear that will be last thing onmy mind..maybe..not even something to consider...
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sexy Naughty Bitchy [Tata Young] >> that sounded wrong..very wrong
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
London Bridge [ i forgot who is the singer]
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Baby i'm sorry [Coco Lee] >> another sad case one...
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Graduation [ Vitamin C] >> WTH!!! i didn't know dying means graduating from the cycle of life...
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Calling you [ Techno- DJ Cristian] >> not true, i only call when it's urgent..it's not my hobby nor my interest...
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Fast and Furious [Teriyaky boyz- Tokyo Drift] >> hmmm, quite true... =)
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Can't help but wait [ Trey Songs- Step up 2] >> yes, i agree..i hate to wait for people...
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
With you [Chris Brown] >> hahahah okok, this songs seems to come in the right time..but a bit cruel ar, to die with you..like i'm dragging another person with me man...
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Girl Fight [ i also dunno who is the singer] >> yes, i think i'll regret if i get involved in a fight man...
"WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Mama Africa [Akon] >> is that so???
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
When you're gone [Avril Lavgine] >> yes indeed indeed, i always feel like crying whenever i hear this song..it's just so sad.....=(
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Zhen ming tian zi [Luo zi xiang- Mr. Right] >> oookk, at least something positive for my love life
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Back some day [Blue] >> wat thing is coming back??
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Swear it again [ Westlife] >> hmmmm.....
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Tong che xing fei [ Zhang dong liang- a wound through the heart] >> erm, maybe?!
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Stand by me [Fugees] >> yea, this may be true to a certain extend, but it is something that i feel happy about too... =)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Show me the meaning of being lonely [Backstreet boys]
Steps:
1. Open your itunes or whatever media player and click shuffle.
2. click next for every qns.
3. enjoy and laugh about it, then share with your friends... =)
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Never took the time [Akon] >> am i like this?
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Mo Lu - Stranger's road [Zhang Dong Liang] >> okay, that sounds sad...
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Nothing gonna replace you. [ i forgot who sang this song]
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
How we roll [alvin and chipmunks OSTs] >> seems pretty fitting for me >.<
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Thriller [Michael Jackson] >> ooookk, too much of it will gives me heart attack..better cut down..
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Long time [Blue] >> do you mean long time no see?? eh, some lah..not all..i see tham steffi very often though..lolx
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Ru Guo (if) >> are there so many "ifs"? oh my word...but i used to think, if only my parent didnt nag at my bowling... hahahah..opps =x
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Are you lonesome tonight [Elvis Presley] >> i sounded like a pervert here....
WHAT IS 2+2?
As long as you love me [Backstreet boys] >> ????
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Shake your pom pom [ Missy Elliott] >> oooookkkkkk, i didnt know that..lolz
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Fly By [Blue] >> that's is even sadder, he just fly by and didnt stop.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Push [ebrique Iglesias] >> hmmm, like wat the tarots said, i pushed myself too hard..now the songs said it too...wth...got so spooky or not...
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Killa [Cherish Feat Yung doc- Step up 2] >> OOOOOKKKKK, I swear that will be last thing onmy mind..maybe..not even something to consider...
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sexy Naughty Bitchy [Tata Young] >> that sounded wrong..very wrong
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
London Bridge [ i forgot who is the singer]
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Baby i'm sorry [Coco Lee] >> another sad case one...
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Graduation [ Vitamin C] >> WTH!!! i didn't know dying means graduating from the cycle of life...
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Calling you [ Techno- DJ Cristian] >> not true, i only call when it's urgent..it's not my hobby nor my interest...
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Fast and Furious [Teriyaky boyz- Tokyo Drift] >> hmmm, quite true... =)
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Can't help but wait [ Trey Songs- Step up 2] >> yes, i agree..i hate to wait for people...
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
With you [Chris Brown] >> hahahah okok, this songs seems to come in the right time..but a bit cruel ar, to die with you..like i'm dragging another person with me man...
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Girl Fight [ i also dunno who is the singer] >> yes, i think i'll regret if i get involved in a fight man...
"WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Mama Africa [Akon] >> is that so???
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
When you're gone [Avril Lavgine] >> yes indeed indeed, i always feel like crying whenever i hear this song..it's just so sad.....=(
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Zhen ming tian zi [Luo zi xiang- Mr. Right] >> oookk, at least something positive for my love life
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Back some day [Blue] >> wat thing is coming back??
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Swear it again [ Westlife] >> hmmmm.....
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Tong che xing fei [ Zhang dong liang- a wound through the heart] >> erm, maybe?!
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Stand by me [Fugees] >> yea, this may be true to a certain extend, but it is something that i feel happy about too... =)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Show me the meaning of being lonely [Backstreet boys]
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