Pissed

Yes, I am pissed. Pissed by the fact that I wasn't allowed to bowl anymore because it was late and it wasn't my fault that the squads delayed till this late. If it would have started on time, It wouldn't be "late" already right? And so, they reap the benefits and I bear the costs. Well done, give a round of applause people!

I'm always amazed by how these "people" can find thousands and millions of "excuses" to abuse their authority. You know what, there's something call Karma. You will get it soon. Sometimes, justice is a little slow. I understand that.

For once, ONCE! I didn't make it into the finals. Oh Fuck! I cannot believe how much I've lose out in my own game. How much further down am I going, I wonder? How far more must I climbed to be where I used to be? How did I even manage to make it that far in the past? I seriously wonder, when did I start falling down till I reach this stage that I'm in. When was it?

A little history about myself that some of you may not know. I started bowling at the age of 15 and made it into the National Youth at the age of 15 and to the National Team ( which is currently known as the Elite Team) at the age of 16. I've been in the National Team for about 5 Years before I was demoted to the Intermediate Squad 2 years back and now, I'm demoted to Development.

I asked myself this "Why are you still bowling and staying in the team?" "Why did you let yourself fall until you're treated like some other newbie in the team? "Why are you still holding on to the placement in the team?

I did not find a honest answer to my questions and I am still asking myself these questions. Is the bowling world really changing towards the other kind and not mine? Than what's left in bowling when there are no challenges anymore? How do I create miracle once more?

Look here, I'm a perfect example of a discarded product that has failed their expectations. Aunty Alice was cruelly kicked out from the squad. Jennifer is barely hanging in there. And me, I am already at the doorstep, waiting for someone to kick my ass out of this team. Reality is cruel.

I hate to admit it but this is what the bowling world is telling me. So how now brow cow? Well, I shouldn't be taking it too seriously. But once I leave the team, I will lose all contacts with my friends now. That is one thing I don't really want to see it happening. Especially when I'm the type who is not really good at making the first moves.

Friends are the reason why I still want to be in the team.

Now, I really need to figure out how am I supposed to pick myself up from all this mess. Though i'm not the one who created this mess, but since I'm in it, I'd better figure a way out unless I quit bowling.

Show me some guidance man....I'm feeling so tired....