Life Still Goes On

Read your blog and somehow it just got me thinking again. and as u can see, i may not be able to be there for you when u really do need me so here i am, once again, posting my thoughts so that it would be able to set u thinking like how your posts set mine :)

Babe, life is not always blissful like those u see in FAIRYTALES (it's not WaltDisney's fault) and sometimes we just have to learn how to deal with it. Experience is not what happens to a you but it is what you do with what happens to you that you gain those experiences. I know your shittiest moments of your life and you've been through that. Friends only happens to be in your way when you're falling and though we had our arguments and disagreements, you know deep down we will always be there to catch your fall :)

It's alright to make wrong decisions in life. Everyone does as long as it is not too sinful that it is irreversible. things still move on and life still goes on. Not everyone found their perfect love on first attempt and trust me enough, those "happily ever after" couples out there, they have been through their ups and downs in their relationship but the main difference between us and them is that they managed to get through and we didn't. But it's alright. that's part and parcel of our life and we learn and grow from it. It's really alright babe, don't be so hard on yourself :)

it's not wrong to want attention from the boy u loved so deeply. who doesn't? and i came upon this friend's fb status that says "don't believe him coming back saying that he misses you so badly and stuff, remember, he didnt' chooose you" and you know, this got me thinking again (although for a different reason) but somehow, that phrase is so true. i can't deny that. babe, did he really choose you over her?

I understand that she has formed a chapter in his life and that is not possible to erase it off. you knew that and you accept it all. you're childish; that's not new. everyone around you knows that. but think about it, if the both of you can't get through this ordeal, it just shows how much love both of you have put into this relationship. It is not a matter of who loves who more, because that can never be measured distinctively on a scale.

I told you before, you need to take caution when it comes to love and you said it yourself that no one is there to protect your own heart. i know it is not easy to be in a relationship with someone. it takes two person of two different personality to be together. try it out any math equation and you know there won't be any answers to that. It takes more than what you think to get this relationship going, dear. If you're childish, then you just have to be more mature. Believe me, i know how much you've matured from the day you left to Aussie till i saw you last November and i told you that its not enough but there's room for improvement. and true enough, maturity doesn't comes overnight but over the years. Babe, if you have already done you part in this relationship and nothing seems to work, life would be much easier to move on. don't worry, you didnt lose the game. don't let your pride gets in your way.

This whole shit thing is getting a toll on you. probably its telling you to start look at things from a different perspective. see things from different angle. Babe, i'm not there with you in Aussie so i can't tell if what the boy is doing is for real or not. you have to learn to judge them youself. you know how acute your sixth senses are so don't doubt them. look before you leap. that's your main weak point. you hand over your heart too soon. i don't want you to be like me, because at this point of my life, i simply just lose faith in love. i don't believe in that now and i have found other goals in my life to pursue for. but babe, you still have faith in them don't you? give it a last chance and determine for youself what's best. only you know what you want best and you know yourself better than anyone out there does.

trust yourself dear. believe in your inner voice. have faith in it. don't deny yourself anymore. take the first step to listen to what your heart has to say and stay with it till the end. at least you know you've tried and so you would have come to an easy term in accepting what ever outcome it may be. At this point, there really isn't a right or wrong answer.

follow your heart because only from your heart you get the most honest answer.

Whatever That Is Left

2 papers down and 2 more to go...omg, i'm dreading the days till my last paper and i really really wanna to just hurry up and get it over and done with! I HAD ENOUGH OF BOOKS....and guess what i just realised that i only read twilight until book 2....i wanna continue with my edward!!!! i'm comtemplating whether should i buy that book, but u know it's not very smart of me to invest in that coz it's damn ex. probably i'll just put that as one of my "wish list" to have to collect the 4 books. i really think that it's a great series...so any kind hearted souls out there is willing to buy the twilight series for me?!?!?!?!

anyway, back to question. so why am i here blogging when i have a paper on tuesday and another on thursday? the answer is simple. I'm sick of studying. argh, u know what JUST SCREW IT...but but but, i need my degree -.- alright, back to square one...i need to study.

and you know , it's not nice to last min hug the buddha leg because u don't know it if would work and most of the time the results will tell u that u're plain lucky to have SCRAPE through...i know and by the way, did i spell that correctly?! er, i hope i did. i have been making TOO MANY mistakes lately and i really really don't wanna make any more STUPID mistakes...

oh boy....this is giving me hell lot of stress and i need my massage and facial...and i want my FUN! play play play..ice skating with the girls again on the 31st!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!! and dun worry steffi, when you're back i'll make sure that i'll get ah foo and ah sim to go ice skating with us :) and i suddenly wanna go watch movie so steffi, pls hurry and come back so we could go out for movies soon!!!! i need to wait till november -.- u sure have the guts to make me wait so long...but what to do...i'm used to it already. what's worst than u not picking up your phone?! anyway, i seem to have this habit these days tooo...ah foo and ah sim is complaining about me not answering my phone..but u see, my phone is er....a bit tooo high tech so yea.... :) smiles.

and i think i'd better get back to my books....
it's calling out for me...
27th MAY. I'M WAITING. it would be the pivoting point!!!!!!

i think i should start blogging in japanese :)

My Disappointment

i just took my first paper today and i am utterly disappointed with myself. i knew i could do better and to be even more prepared than this for i have all the time i needed but in the end, i went in to the exam hall with a half-assed attitude and attempt the paper just like that.

ellena, samantha and shermaine, they all seemed to be so well-prepared and they know their answers well. that's depressing. we all started studying at the same time and here i am procrastinating half the time and did nothing efficient and now here i am again, worried if i would get through with this. and if dont, i know i have myself to blame. i had the time in the world to study, but what was i doing? i have no idea. i thought i already studied hard enough, but it seems like i didnt do it the right way. i was distracted. so many times. and now, i'm facing the music.

lyou know, at this point, i really really hated myself for this. i really really do. it's not like i'm disappointed because i can't get a distinction or something. i am disappointed because if i fail, this paper, i deserve it. and you know what, i have another 3 more papers coming up and i'm really really depressed to think that i have so much to cover. just kill me for real now.

i'm having a massive headache because of my mensus and i cant seem to have mood for anything. i dun feel like doing anything but studying now. really i do. i'm lazy to eat as well. why am i like this? i have no idea what happened to me. all i know is, i hate the "me" now.