Finally finish packing my laguage for my 10 days trip to Nepal. I can't wait to get there.
This trip is probably an excuse for me to break away from my "forever so busy" schedule and to have some room to breathe. Also for me to cool my head and seek for guidance for inner peace... *sounds like i'm going to be a nun* lol, Joking.
Anyway, it is true that this trip is for me to clear my head but it is to find the direction that I must take in future. From a career prospective and also in relationship. After reflecting on what I did before on "woodblock" and "old flame", I've realised that all along I have never been true to my own heart. I am avoiding this situation and ended up giving wrong messages to the wrong person.
Alright, MY BAD! So, now i'm going to do my best to salvage what ever I can. Hopefully I still stand a chance. It's not like i'm going to confess or anything but since I plan to leave the bowling circle, I don't think I'll get to see woodblock anymore. Hence, it would be a good opportunity for me to clarify things with woodblock.
I don't know if I stand a chance now for woodblock but at least I would want to know what was his feelings back then. This could at least lighten my heart a little. With this, it's also about time I should make my stand clear for old flame. He may have very good future prospect but he probably won't be able to give me happiness.
Now my question is should I clarify things with woodblock face to face or over the phone? Well, any suggestion? Just for your information, he is a reserved and shy guy. So what would be the best? Another thing to take into consideration is I won't be able to see him anymore after AIA. So How?
Next is should I tell him after his tourny or before? Since it's going to be a trashing session, what would be the best strategy? Sigh.
By the way, I'm really thinking of quitting bowling for good. Probably soon. So people, don't jump or drop your jaws when you hear news like this. I've already given you ample time to prepare your heart. LOL.
I realised that I kinda like woodblock. Like seriously. omg.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
It has been a while now
Well, i realised that i havent been blogging for quite some time for now coz i was really really busy...with work, training and also studying...i'll try to summarise all of it again once i have more time...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
New Blog
I have been thinking for quite a while about creating another blog, link or any online source for my manga and anime review. I find it quite inconvenient to read my own stories plus all my reviews for mangas and animes. Hence, probably I will start something so that readers has the convenient to choose what they want to read.
Will update again.
Sayonara!
Will update again.
Sayonara!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
how many more times
shocked. not exactly. i've kinda expected it somehow since today is his birthday. yesterday when i saw the latest event posted on my facebook wall, it stated that it was ***"old flame" birthday. i was contemplating whether should i drop him a birthday message but decided not to because i dont want to mislead him in any possible ways.
but who would expect him to nudge me on msn today and asked how's life. so well, just being nice i said hello and wished him a happy birthday. just a simple happy birthday and nothing else. i kept my sentences and reply short and simple. hopefully we can still be friends after what happen that very saturday night on siewmei's birthday.
he asked about my exams and school so told him that i've gotten busier lately and somehow seems to be running out of time. after which he got disconnected and then he drop me an sms. he said that he still misses me alot and would do whatever it takes to see me again even though he knows that my parents would disagree.
my reply to him was [even though there's no outcome to it al all?] and this is what he replied back [yup, even if there's no outcome to it, i know that i love you and that's a fact i cant deny regardless of whatever outcome...even if i must die, at least i spend my time with you and not worrying how the future's gonna turn out]
omg, his sms sounds damn serious. and my reply to him was to sleep early dun think too much and good night. am i cruel? now i'm thinking whether right from the start should i even reply to his messages.
at this point of time i wished i could talk to siewmei or maylou about this since they are the only ones who know about the whole story. but i couldnt find them online. i thought of talking to steffi, but she's not online either.
this is where i need to tell myself to solve your own problems and stop depending on others. i really don't know how to deal with this situation. who can really understand how my heart feels now. really. i dont even know where to start looking at the root of this problem.
i need to start to calm my mind, and heart to look at a clearer picture. to judge from a third person's point of view. i need to solve this problem on my own. how?
i want some answers.
***note people, someone pointed it out to me the other time about this. well, when i said old flame, it doesnt mean he was someone i used to date or something. it's just a reference for me to call him by names. because at that point of time i couldn't think of any other suitable names, that's why i used "old flame" as a representative for this person. So, please do not mistaken him as someone who is really an old flame. thanks peeps.
but who would expect him to nudge me on msn today and asked how's life. so well, just being nice i said hello and wished him a happy birthday. just a simple happy birthday and nothing else. i kept my sentences and reply short and simple. hopefully we can still be friends after what happen that very saturday night on siewmei's birthday.
he asked about my exams and school so told him that i've gotten busier lately and somehow seems to be running out of time. after which he got disconnected and then he drop me an sms. he said that he still misses me alot and would do whatever it takes to see me again even though he knows that my parents would disagree.
my reply to him was [even though there's no outcome to it al all?] and this is what he replied back [yup, even if there's no outcome to it, i know that i love you and that's a fact i cant deny regardless of whatever outcome...even if i must die, at least i spend my time with you and not worrying how the future's gonna turn out]
omg, his sms sounds damn serious. and my reply to him was to sleep early dun think too much and good night. am i cruel? now i'm thinking whether right from the start should i even reply to his messages.
at this point of time i wished i could talk to siewmei or maylou about this since they are the only ones who know about the whole story. but i couldnt find them online. i thought of talking to steffi, but she's not online either.
this is where i need to tell myself to solve your own problems and stop depending on others. i really don't know how to deal with this situation. who can really understand how my heart feels now. really. i dont even know where to start looking at the root of this problem.
i need to start to calm my mind, and heart to look at a clearer picture. to judge from a third person's point of view. i need to solve this problem on my own. how?
i want some answers.
***note people, someone pointed it out to me the other time about this. well, when i said old flame, it doesnt mean he was someone i used to date or something. it's just a reference for me to call him by names. because at that point of time i couldn't think of any other suitable names, that's why i used "old flame" as a representative for this person. So, please do not mistaken him as someone who is really an old flame. thanks peeps.
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