Turning Point

Should I have know that this is your answer,

I would not have hope for anything more than expected.

A mixture of feelings that are hard to surpress,

Who would have thought that you have turned my world into a mess.

Actions may always speaks louder than words,

But those few words that you have spoken cannot overwrite those actions taken.

You are a confused little lamb who is trying to make the best out of everything,

Never did you expect that you might end up being my one and only thing.

Those things that you did which means nothing to you,

Has build up a total different impact on me, damn you!

Perhaps I would have felt better if you had not responded to my calls and actions,

Perhaps I would have felt better if you had not treated me that nice and considerate.

Invade my world further not as I am really at my wits end,

Time shall heal my wound and I will soon get over you, fret not.

I had an enjoyable and memorable trip up to Malaysia this year. I had great friends who accompanied me through thick and thin, and also who had spent their christmas with me. I am glad to have all those wonderful people up there with me. How nice the world can be.

For many days and nights, you were always right by my side. Always there when I needed you and still as usual, you are as considerate as ever. We may have held hands and fall asleep on each other shoulders, that will remain as memories as it is. These memories belongs to me as it may not be of any importance to you, and it will stay with me throughout my entire life.

You are not to blame, it was me who did not pick up the correct hints from time to time. Perhaps I was too dense and am not being able to sense that innocent-ness of yours. This has always been one sided and there are nothing that can be done to it. We may not get a chance to meet up anymore for 2009 is a damn busy year for me, and this can keeps me occupy so that I will not think of you.

I still have my dearest friends who are willingly to be there for me like how much I will always be there for them when needed. My milo trip is definitely fun with them around me and of course, because you were there with me. Thank you for all those wonderful memories you gave me. I will make sure that I will not pick up the wrong hints from you again and will play my role faithfully like how you would expect me to turn out to be. I guess this can satisfy both parties?! Not too sure if I'm satisfied with this outcome.

Anyway, hope that 2009 will be a better year for me >.<

Steffi, really thanks for everything... I could not have done this without you. Loves.

Drop It

I have been super busy these few days and did not even have the time to eat proper meals during work. This is bad. But I like it when I get busier as it helps me to get over you pretty fast.

It seems that I'm able to recover fast as I am now able to talk to you normally without feeling the constraint I felt in the past. Those conversations that seems so hard to continue does not affect me that much anymore for I can now speak to you like how I speak to my other buddies. Those times where I realized that I was thinking of you that is because I have relied on you just like how I relied on all of my best-est friends. Whenever I could not take my eyes off you is because I am concern with you just like how I cared for the others.

Now I feel more comfortable speaking to you be it online or in person. From here, I know that I have already moved on and no longer will see you the way I did.

My illusions and Dreams

Recent nights has not been a good one for me as I did not have my rest at all. The reason of my sleepless night is you. You kept appearing in my dream for 2 consequetive nights and this drains off all my energy the next day.

I wonder is it because I tried to stop myself from thinking of you and that leads to this outcome? Or was it because the fact that I am thinking of you that forces my mind to create an illusion that can never be realized? My questions will never be answered.

As the time draws nearer, the more uneasy I get. I hope that these uneasiness will go off soon. It's affecting me and I hate to lost control of my mind. To put it into simpler terms, I dislike it when lonely moments, the picture of you comes into my mind. I dislike it when there were some days I wished for someone to be there for me and you came into my mind. That is like an invasion to my private life. I really dislike it.

Guess I need a little more time that predicted. I need to get over it fast so that the damage can be minimized. The damage inflicted on me will be reduced and by then, I need to rebuild my shield to fense me off from weird people like you, you who are cabable of swaying and invading my heart unknowlingly.

Just like what my dearest girl would say :" someone can make you feel that you are special but you will never know if its their habit to make everybody feel the same way."
My fall will make me stronger so that I will brush up on my weak areas against people like you and so that I will not fall into the same trap again.

Last Memories And Move On

Not too sure what hits me the most, but it seems that the wake up call is here and it is time to move on from where i've stopped.

I hope that my last trip with you this year will be one of the most memorable ones. After which it will mark an end of my dream and I will let go of all my emotions, thoughts and feelings so that I will not find myself waking up one day thinking that you will be mine some day. Although patience is a virtue, it doesn't seem to be applicable on this case. So it seems.

Well then, it is on my accord all these while and my foolishness must end here before I look like an idiot. Like I've said, not too sure what has gotten into me that have lead me to this solution. Maybe it is more to determination than solution. I feel so childish and now that this thing makes no sense to me anymore.

Perhaps I have been the one who is having unneccessary thoughts and had mis-interpreted you in many ways. I realised that I do not understand you as much as I though I did. You are like an impenetrable fortress to me. So it seems. Sad to say, I realised that this gap is too wide to close up. You are just too far away from me. Before I lose you for good, I better salvage it now.

Did not see myself going this far and I believe time will heal and I know that I am stronger than before. I'm sorry for the misunderstood of your kind intentions all these while. This is you and nothing that you did was because it was me. This is you and it is not that you have changed but it is because I did not know that you were all along like this.

Your gaze from before was not to get my attention; it was because there were no one else there at that time. Your kindness was not because you cared; this is one of your traits. Those words that you speak was not because you noticed me; it was just an ordinary comment. All these makes you and this is something I did not realise in the past. Now that I am aware of it, I'm able to get a clearer picture of what is ahead of me.

I will now look at you from a brand new angle and will understand you from a brand new start. I will be friends with you just like the rest of my buddies. You are just you. I realised it too late. I'm sorry and Thank you for being such a nice friend.